I have a new friend. We're both in our late 30's. At first, I was glad to meet a friend whom I had a lot in common with (including we're both single with no kids, which which is a rare find for me). I noticed at first that she's extremely insecure about a lot of things; her weight, her hair, her relationship with her boyfriend, her living situation, etc. That didn't bother me as we all have insecurities, we just show them in different ways. But one thing is starting to piss me off. Everything I have, do or get she has to duplicate. I bought a Palm TX so she got one. She started using the same hair products I use. As soon as I mentioned a vitamin I'm taking, she had to get it. It's to the point where I don't even want her in my house because I don't want her to see anything else I own. What's even funnier is that I earn about 2/3 what she does, so what I struggle for, she just goes out and gets two. How do I tactfully tell her that this behavior is really unattractive?
2007-05-10 14:50:16 · 10 answers · asked by FiveFootFlirt.blogspot.com 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Since we are limited in how many characters we can use to post, of course many details couldn't be included. I'm not talking about a few "coincidences". I'm mature enough to know the difference. I painted my walls red, she looked at the can, bought the same color and painted hers the same. I buy a Mercendes, she buys the same color and model. I got new glasses, she bought the same frames. Yes, they say mockery is flattery, but as I said, it's getting quite annoying. We've only been friends a few months, so I'm trying to decide whether it's worth a talk or whether to just walk away. The idiot who told me to get of my high horse ws just posting nonsense to get points and has been reported for abuse. So save the irrelevant responses. I'm really not sure what to do and would appreciate mature, serious replies. This is a position I've never been in.
2007-05-10 16:28:49 · update #1
WOW that must really suck "for lack of a better word". I would sit her down and have a talk with her. Tell her you want to hang out at her house for dinner, maybe take over a bottle of wine (not to get drunk) and then tell her that you really need to talk to her about something that is really serious and personal. That will grab her attention. Then tell her that there have been some things about your friendship that you have noticed that creeps you out.
Say something link Remember when I bought.... (she'll say yea) well just after that so did you. Remember when I painted that room (she'll say yea) well you also painted yours the same color. Remember ......
Just lay those out to her and then tell her that it creeps you out because you enjoy being an individual and that if everyone had the same "stuff" they would all be the same. Then tell her about some things that she has, wears, does that are different from you (the reason for being at her house...you can point them out). Tell her how much you like those things but that no matter how much you liked them you would never purchase them because that would take away from her uniqueness and that the thing that drew you to her as a friend was that she was unique and you miss that.
Boost up her self esteem about the things that she has... that didn't start with you. Maybe she just needs a friendly kick in the pants.
2007-05-18 08:30:35 · answer #1 · answered by RLSelin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all get off of your high horse - Is it possible that these are just coincidences and because you have such a big head you need to believe she is copying? If it is not coincidence then so what? It's not like you own the rights to Palm or your hair products. You really should be flattered. She obviously admires you (though I don't know why). Be glad you have a new friend and stop finding things wrong with her.
2007-05-10 16:05:12 · answer #2 · answered by NONAME 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since you already know that she's an insecure person you shouldn't be too suprised by her actions.
It takes 2 to compete, and it sounds like the competition is getting the best of your friendship.
You've found a friendship that needs alot of work. So if you still want her friendship ignore what she's doing, remember it's not about you because you're the one that's secure. . . .right?
I think it's just a phase, once she sees that you like her for her, and the desicions that she makes on her own (build her confidence in those areas), she will stop the games.
2007-05-10 16:11:06 · answer #3 · answered by jonesk_92656 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! That's sounds really sad. Apparently she is learning a lot from you. If it really bothers you, then do politely tell her so. Keep in mind that she looks up to you and admires you as a whole. Some people would be flattered. Then think that about this...it's basic human nature that we all learn from one another. History is constantly repeating itself too. I'm sorry it's getting on your nerves. I'd get another hair product, etc and tell her this is what she REALLY needs not what I use.
2007-05-10 14:59:22 · answer #4 · answered by Belinda O 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a little sad, but you have a right to be an individual. Maybe instead of talking about what you like for you, you can try to twist the conversation toward suggestions for her.
Instead of, "Look at this green sweater, it would be awesome on me!" Try, "You have to try on this blue sweater. It is going to look amazing on you! I can't really wear blue, but you can really pull it off." Or if you do something for yourself you should make a casual suggestions for her.
"I bought these low-rise jeans from A&F and they had these super cute capris, that just reminded me of you."
Perhaps she will pick up on your suggestions more than your actions and spare you the awkward convo.
2007-05-18 04:28:08 · answer #5 · answered by Sara K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a situation similar to that. This is mean, but start buying things when you are out with her that are hideously ugly (return them of course when she's not around). Let her copy that, or she may start to stop copying you. Then that could break the ice, especially if she comments on how ugly your new shoes are. It worked for me.
2007-05-18 08:02:02 · answer #6 · answered by Miss 6 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have said it, she is a "new" friend. I would try to get to know her better, find out what causes her insecure behavior then I would try to help her. Once, I was told that "Friends" are like flowers, you have to cultivate them.
2007-05-18 13:51:36 · answer #7 · answered by Tom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They say that copying is a form of flattery, she obviously admires you.
2007-05-18 00:45:02 · answer #8 · answered by Newtron 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if your her friend then just tell her. Plan and simple let her get her own style. And then maybe she just admire you and your style.
2007-05-10 14:58:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah you should be proud that she wants to be like you. That is a compliment!!!!!!!!!! Be kind to her!
2007-05-18 07:13:40 · answer #10 · answered by aintlifegrand 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋