Should my mother-in-law get a second chance?

Question

Two years ago, my husband was deployed to Iraq. While he was gone, my mother-in-law (who I used to get along with for the most part - we had our differences but they were few), anyway she acussed me of having an affair and getting pregnant (which I was not) while my husband was gone. Also, I have been told she would prefer I not be part of her family. On numerous occassions she has pointed out that I am not the person she would have picked for her son. Now that he has returned home, she is realizing that her negative attitude toward me is causing less interaction with her son & she wants us to get along. My husband did not witness any of these instances with his mother, therefore he is asking me to let it all go. He does not believe that his mother acted this way or feels any ill will towards me. I am not sure what to do.

Answer 1

I'd let it go for his sake coz i love him and want him to be happy. but i would make it clear that my love for my husband is the only reason for me letting it go and would ignore her as much as i can. what she did is wrong and unforgivable, and if she started to change only when her relation with her son changed, that means she's not genuinely sorry for her acts.. so, just keep your distances with her and keep your husband and children close.
GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

I'm sorry, my mother in law did damn near the same thing, except my husband was just as work. And because I let a friend sleep on the couch she thought I was being a whore. Mother in laws are the worst people in the world. I can't stand mine, but she's a good good person. I forgave her, but it still stays fresh in my mind. I think you should tell her exactly how you feel about it, and tell her that what she says is unacceptable. You will forgive her, but you will not forget it, and if she as so accuses you of anything like that ever again, that is it. You will have no ties with her.

Answer 3

The best thing for you to do is to simply ignore his mother. First of all, you married her son and she didn't put that ring on your finger. Now she will always be his mom and nothing can change that, but you don't have to like her or agree with her. Therefore, the best thing to do is to just ignore her. Your husband is not going to choose between the both of you because he loves his mom just as much as he loves you. I mean think about it ... who would want to be the spouse of a man who doesn't love his own mother. The key is to let her continue being the evil person that she is and he will soon learn how to keep her shut up and out of your relationship. The best way to solve this problem is the let your husband see how she is and catch her in the act (if he doesn't already know) and then he should be the one to put her in her place because that's his mother. Nevertheless, you don't have to like her, but don't argue with her and play her little childish games because that's her whole plan... to keep you upset and fussing in order to cause drama in your marriage. Don't give her the pleasure or the satisfaction. Whenever you're with your husband around her... always keep a smile on your face and never ... never for moment make her think that she's getting the best of you. Keep your head up and be polite and very soon she'll get what she deserves if she doesn't change her ways. My advice to you is to be patient and kind and take care of your family and love your husband and don't let anything get in the way of the love you have for your family. Let his mother do her dirt, but one day it'll catch up to her and she'll want to kiss the ground you walk on. Trust me , I know.

Answer 4

I think that you need to sit down and have a conversation with her and explain the problems that she has caused.
You may not know her reasons for acting the way she did, maybe she was scared for her son and chose a bad way to express her fear. I think it was rude of her to say to you that you wouldn't have been the girl she would have chosen for her son, but you have to remind her that in the end it's not her choice, she's not married to you.
I think that you should tell your husband the way you feel and see if he'll speak to his mother. I would recommend at least giving a shot. If you have kids or are planning to soon, don't you want them to see their grandmother.
I understand that it can be difficult, give it a shot, explain to her what you expect from the relationship and see if she can be adult about the situation. Be sure to include your husband.

Good luck, God Bless.

Answer 5

WOW! sorry to hear this awful situation you are in! If I were in your shoes I would have a hard time letting it go but also I would think of how by taking the high road (a.k.a the hard road).. of letting it go for the sake of you and your hubbys relationship, i would try REALLY hard to do so. Your man was away and it would be awful for him to have to worry about you and his mom, warring at home. I would therefore be a little leary of her and her words and actions towards yourself. Anything she may say just take with a grain of salt and then let it go. This way if she was trying to get a rise out of you now (by way of saying or doing anything ) and you letting it not show it does affect you would maybe get her to stop. You do get more flies with honey. This way if anything more comes of this between you and her.. he will be witness and can say you did nothing worng or could he could talk to his mother about it. Good luck!!

Answer 6

I am sorry that things are that way, BUT remember this you are married to her son and not her, so as long as you two get along it shouldn't matter what she say.
I know that it is going to hurt the things that she say but, you be the bigger and mature person and let it go or else it is going to ruing your marriage.
try and see if she wants to have a sit down with you and your husband and try to discuss and reason and come to some kind of conclusion
good luck

Answer 7

Yikes. She is a case. If your husband is home for good, I would talk with him and convince him she is nuts. If he is going back , just try to make the peace. ( you shouldnt have to though) Gosh, sooner or later however this is going to be a problem. Most husbands want to not be involved but basically he is accusing you of lying, no? I would confront him about that and state it in just that way. Like' Why would I make this up?" type thing. Her accusations are slanderous.
They are the stuff of which divorces are made and he needs to know this.

Answer 8

Had the almost same thing happen. Only my hubby is away for work. He actually got an earful when she thought he was gone and I had my cell on speaker phone when she called. I had told him for years what his mother was like. And sure enough, she hung herself.
I no longer speak to her and neither does my husband. She ended up in the hospital last week and he refused to call or go see her. if your mother was doing the same thing to your husband, he would not like it either.
Give it some time, he will see her for who she is. And when it happens, she will get what she deserves.
My life is calmer and we are happier. Like I said, give her time.
And no, you don't have to have anything to do with her. I wouldn't.

Answer 9

Of course he didn't witness them, so he is wanting both of you to get along together. Now, the best thing to do is act like nothing happened around her or your husband. Treat her so nice it will make her angry. She is controlling and expecting you to react different, then when the problems continue your husband will know who is to blame. You know she acted this way just as she does, but don't let it bother you and she will be angry as she wants you not to get along with her. These type of women thrive on drama, and when they can't get it, it makes their life miserable.

Answer 10

"Water under the bridge" Let it go, if you keep bringing it up, you will only keep it in the prestent. It sounds like she's making the effort, I say be her friend. Keep her at arms length for a while. If you're going to be around a while, then you well have to also be around her too. Make the best of it. Good Luck