what did your mother.....?

Question

TEACH YOU??
enjoy this:

I OWE MY MOTHER


1 My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY .
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9 .My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way"

18. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

19. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

21. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

22. My Favorite: My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

23. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

Answer 1

How to have fun and make kick *** fried chicken

Answer 2

well done!! my mom taught me a lesson in anticipation followed by humor the day i had my little sister locked in the closet...i was saying, "ha-ha, ha-ha." mom came up behind me, yanked the closet door open, grabbed a wooden coat hanger and stated," i'll ha-ha you, you little monster." she attempted to hit me with the hanger, and it caught on her blouse at the neckline and tore all the buttons off her blouse. my sister and i stood there in shock. i remember thinking omg, i'm really gonna get in now...then our mom started laughing hysterically.

she also taught me how to hide in humiliation under the dashboard of the car...coming home from the drive-in after midnight, we had to stop for gas. this totally cute guy i went to school with came up to the window to ask how many gallons she wanted...mom's bra was up around her neck. she had unhooked it during the movies, and forgot. after we left, she asked why i was hiding. when she realized her bra was hanging out, she started laughing so hard she almost ran us off the road. later during the week, i ran into this guy at school. he asked if that lady was my mom, i told him she was my crazy aunt. blahahahaha.

Answer 3

Lol! My mother taught me FEAR.
Wait till your father gets home!

Thanks for a good laugh, I wonder how many of us mothers are teaching our kids the same lessons.

Answer 4

That's cute.
One thing I always remember my mom telling me is An honest F is better than a cheated A

Answer 5

That was great! But it makes me miss my mom, she died a year and a half ago. I miss her!

Answer 6

way to go mom.

Answer 7

ROTFLOL! Those were great!