My friend is 19 yrs old & has been married to a man 8 yrs older than her since 2003. They have 3 kids all under 3 yrs old. Back in 2005 they were both unfaithful to each other. She cheated w/ a stranger she met on the phone & he cheated on her w/ one of her good friends (not me).
Anyway they stayed together despite that, but all the trust is gone. She's never had a cell phone & now she can't get one because he thinks she's going to cheat on her. Well she can't leave the house for more than 15 mins without him calling her obsessively from work and accusing her of having an affair.
Currently she's talking to two guys because she's tired of her husband & his domineering ways.
Is there any adivce you can give me so that I can help my friend because she admits to being lost and confused about this relationship. BTW I'm 19 yrs old also.
2007-05-10 07:12:57 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My advise...it's not about her and him! It's about their children! I always put myself in my children's shoes. What kind of example am I setting for my children? Do I want my son to treat his wife this way or that, do I want my daughter to be treated this way? Would I want my daughter to stay in this kind of relationship? Would I want my daughter to cheat on her husband? Would I want my son to cheat on his wife? She needs to ask herself some questions about her family first and then figure out what she needs to do. Because if she does stay with him, then she cheats, it only gets worse. There may or may not ever be trust in that relationship, but by talking to other guys, its not going to improve. It's always hard once there has been adultery, but all she can do is try to earn that trust back (if she even wants to stay in that realtionship). Also, she really needs to look at her role in the relationship... does she give 100%. Most of us would say yes but we really don't. Does she drop everything she is doing when he walks in the door from work... to greet him and see how his day was, does she leave little notes for him around the house or in his vehicle, or does she let him know how much she appreciates him? All these things will help make him feel loved and wanted and start to repair this relationship. IT'S NOT GOING TO BE EASY!!!! He probably won't do any of those things for her but at least there will come a point where she can say she gave 100%. Good luck and I hope I helped.
2007-05-10 07:29:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obviously her husband has good reason not to trust her if she not only had an affair, but she's currently talking to 2 other guys. They absolutely need to be in marriage counseling. Rebuilding trust takes a long time and she isn't proving to him that she's trustworthy. She needs to work on her own behavior and hopefully the relationship will get better.
PS - Give this girl some information on birth control. 19 with 3 kids, geeze, that's worse than Brittney!
2007-05-10 07:16:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am sure that they got married to young and they have no idea how to have a marriage all of the kids add on to the stress. They both were unfaithful and they should probably get divorced because its apparent that neither one of them wants to be in the marriage. They should just do it now before they are constantly fighting and disrupting the childrens lives.
2007-05-10 07:18:19 · answer #3 · answered by steph 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Best thing 4 her 2 do is 2 get a divorce, thats what happens when you get married at an early age, he knew he wasn't ready to settle down and she just started getting her rocks off around the age of 16, i hope you're not thinking about following in her foosteps, there are plent of fish in the sea and the first one that bites isn't always the best choice.
2007-05-10 07:16:50 · answer #4 · answered by madtyga2002 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your friend jumped into the commitment of marriage before she was ready to settle down. If she were my friend, I would ask her if she is in love with her husband. If she is no longer in love with him, then I would suggest they end the marriage. They both can be wonderful parents separately. If she is still in love with him, then I would suggest marriage counseling. Personally, I would not want to be in a relationship where I was a prisoner in my own home. Good luck to your friend. She is still very young and I'm sure she would bounce back even stronger if she decides to take a stand.
2007-05-10 07:18:53 · answer #5 · answered by Summer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she was a 15 year old child, she married a 23 year old man?
Then had 3 kids.
His over-controlling, and constantly checking on her are very worrisome.
I think she needs to leave.
They could try couple's counseling, but it isn't likely that he'd be willing to go.
He doesn't want a wife, he wants someone he can dominate and control.
That's just unhealthy.
2007-05-10 14:27:56 · answer #6 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what happens when a CHILD gets knocked up...much less three times. She has made this life for herself, now she must deal with the repercussions. If she is unhappy, she needs to get out, but it will be very hard to find a good man with all of that baggage at such a young age. She needs to learn to be independent and to take care of her children's needs first.....these other two guys are with her for one reason alone....which is the same reason she is where she is today!
2007-05-10 07:17:53 · answer #7 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She can't have this...she can't have that...what about him? Just what is he denied?
She's also talking to two guys not because of her situation...because she's bent on screwing around again. Don't think for a moment he's changed either.
No trust in one another? Then it isn't a marriage anymore is it? They should go their seperate ways. But they won't. people like your friend and her husband would rather stay together and play around on the side. makes the screwing around more exciting you know.
2007-05-10 07:18:25 · answer #8 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1st mistake, she got married at 15. Advise to her. If she is unhappy in this relationship she needs to get out. If she really loves her husband and wants it to work they need help. Of course he doesnt trust her and obviously for all the right reasons. I mean c'mon she is talking to 2 other guys.
2007-05-10 07:17:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off who gets married at like 15?? Then having 3 kids! She needs to stand up for her self she needs to have a life and it not just be about what he wants...if not yet he may become abusive and that's not good. she needs to do what she tinks is right and it doesnt seem that this is for her exspecially if shes compailning about it.
2007-05-10 07:17:54 · answer #10 · answered by babygrl20052000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋