so this is marriage? I don't like it?

Question

I've been married for 3 months now. I hate it. My husband and I don't even talk to each other, and sex is every 2 weeks or so. He doesnt even know I'm upset when I try to talk to him he turns it around and doesn't listen. This is not how I want my marriage to be.

Since we got back from our honeymoon it's like we don't even like each other... So far, marriage is dumb and I hate it.

Anyone have any tips on how we can become happy newlyweds???

Answer 1

its important 2 talk 2 him about how u feel

Answer 2

Marriage doesn't just "happen". It takes work. And there are commone mistakes that people make.

1. Assuming that your spouse "knows" how you feel: Most people do NOT have ESP. Don't assume that your spouse knows when you are upset or why you are feeling the way you do. TELL them. But YOU need to be very sure that YOU know what you are feeling first.
2. Assuming that your spouse communicates the same way: Men do not like to communicate face to face. For them, that is very confrontational. Women on the other hand, LIKE to communicate that way. Try talking to your husband sitting side by side, back to back or in the dark at night in bed. Under cover of darkness often works best.
3. Assuming that your spouse is responsible for making you happy: Wrong again. If you depend on your spouse to make you happy, you will be disapointed over and over again. That is up to you. You can be happy WITH your spouse. That's a good thing. But it's not his job to see to your every need and happiness. Learn to take care of that yourself.
4. Assuming that "If we really love each other, we will be happy all the time". WRONG again. Nobody is happy all the time. It's just not possible. There are times where you will not be able to stand the sight of your spouse. That is normal. What is NOT normal is when you don't talk about it.
5. Thinking that you and your spouse have the same expectations about marriage: You and your spouse come from different families with different backrounds. Each of you came into the marriage of an idea about what marriage was going to be like. Very rarely is that the same idea. You and your hubby need to be honest with yourselves and each other about what you really expected married life to be like. And TALK about it.

If you can't get him to talk, email him or write him a note. Sometimes it's easier to talk that way. But do yourself a favor, write the note or email, and then sleep on it . Then go back and re-read it the next day. Don't send anything when you are upset or angry.

Lack of sex is not your problem. It's only a symptom that something else is wrong. Chances are, he's feeling the same way you are.

Go here also: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/

Try the quiz and have your hubby do it too...You'll probably find out that you speak very different love languages.

Finally, you married for better or worse. Just because it's not what you expected, doesn't mean you get to bail. You need to be sure that YOU are doing the VERY BEST you can. Are yo being the best wife you can?
Marriage is not conditional. Meaning, that you will be the best wife ONLY if he's treating you well. Marriage means you are the best you can be DESPITE how your spouse acts.
YOu cannot change how people act. But you CAN change how YOU respond to THEM. Make sure that your own behavior is above reproach. And do it without expecting anything in return. Because THAT is what marriage IS.

Answer 3

Was it an arranged marriage? Did you not know each other before you got married? I'm not quite clear on the situation. If you had a good relationship before marriage and were happy, you should be a happy newlywed. If you had a crappy relationship, or none at all - then it's more difficult to all of a sudden be "happy" after marriage. What were the reasons that made you guys decided to get married? What had attracted you to each other so strongly? Keep in mind - whatever it was, it's still there. There may be a period of adjustment to being together all the time if you had not lived together before marriage - but it shouldn't overshadow the positives in your relationship.

Answer 4

Why did you get married in the first place? Surely you have things in common and similar interests. Nothing changes at the wedding to make your relationship change. The stress of marriage is not like a wall that will change everything over night....relax and just enjoy being together and go back to where you were three months ago before the wedding. Perhaps you thought the honeymoon would last forever and the realities of real life would not come so soon. Make your marriage a happy and comfortable place to be.

Answer 5

My marriage fizzled after 1 month - I know how you feel - give it some time - be sure to make a date night 1 time a week and follow through with it - they dont need to be elaborate dates - just dinner and a movie or even a picknick in the park - as for the sex try role-play or doing it in a new place - I know that these work because I have been married for 6 years now and we are blissfully happy - I know you can be too! I felt the same way you did - just give it time, and just remember the man that you married - he is still there - maybe just a little harder to find.

Answer 6

Your husband sounds like mine. We are now divorcing but I stayed for 9 years and the ignoring didn't start until after about a year and we had our first child. Without communication and understanding and caring about how the other person is feeling your marriage will not survive. Good luck in getting your husband to come around to see your view and listen.......He may be like mine he likes to be alone and doesn't need affection , companionship etc and I do.

Answer 7

Oh boy, and I bet you had a big fancy wedding & spent alot of time & money focusing on the wedding plans, & flowers, & dresses & the food & the limos, & opening all the gifts & honeymoon plans, huh?

Now that ALL the excitement is over & it is just you & him - you find that you don't have anything to talk about. Well, this is real life. You need to start talking - either to him or to an attorney. Think about why you love him, talk about current events, laugh together - just open up! Talk to him about what you BOTH want your marriage to be like, what kind of wife you want to be, what kind of husband he wants to be.

PLEASE don't have a baby - that will just make things worse.

Answer 8

i sounds like you might have some communication problems. you should try to sit him down, with out any distractions and tell him what is bothering you. when he tries to interrupt just ask him to wait until you finish you thoughts and then you can talk about every. don't make it a lecture and try not to be all negative, for example, "last night night when we went to bed and cuddled and made love it was really romantic, i feel that we don't do that as much as we did be for and i miss it.." try not to get to emotional and start yelling or crying, you need to tell him everything or you will never be able to make it work. just remember that is it no ones fault and blaming each other will make it worse. you need to work together as a team, that is what marriage really is.

Answer 9

Wow, it took my wife and I 8 years to get to that point. You guys move fast!

Seriously, when we were newlyweds it was great we did everything together and every weekend we did something around town and had fun and the sex was great. There is something seriously wrong if the newlywed "glowing" feeling isn't there.

Answer 10

Darling you need to be sure this is the one before you marry. I'm sick and tired of couples who make ill prepared decisions to rush into marriage. That why I agree with long engagements. Give yourself time to be sure this is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. A lot of people have this perception about marriage that its all peaches n cream. Well it is not. You really have to work at marriage both parties to make it work.

Answer 11

Sit your husband down and let him know how you feel. Communication is the most important thing you are going to need to make your marriage work.

do something nice for him such as buy a nice sexy thing to wear for him when he comes from work, make a nice romantic dinner.write him a nice note and leave it for him on the bathroom mirror remind him that you guys are newly married and in love make him happy and let him know you want the same thing in return.