My wife left me in September with her three kids, 20, 12, 6 to another state; because I advised her, we could not do things her ways. She always puts her oldest son first in everything before the family. I said to her he going to do his own things and he needs to be on his own. We gave him a car, in a month he ran to the ground. After my wife had it for three with no problems, he said to her why we did not tell him about maintenance of a vehicle. Then he moved out got a job and roommate with his friends, then about a month later he quits his job because they asked him to work 12 hours. Now he wants money to hang out. Get a job then quits.
12-year-old stepson is very lazy, ask him to do chords he cries about it, he needs gloves to wash dishes, but when he wants to play football or sports he gone. He does not wants to be late, but anything else he late for. I spoke to my wife about it several times. The 6 year old stepdaughter always wants attention, always want to sleep with us, I told her I do not sleep kids in the same bed. Now after 7 months she want to come back home. Because her sister was, living with her is leaving too and she does not have a babysitter for her kids. In addition, about to evicted, have several evictions noticed posted on her already. Son moved back to the city with friends, now she wants to come back to me. She has no way out beside her mother in another state. She said she stay until she get a job and we could get a bigger place to live in. I am concerned about things are now; I asked her you still love me? She said yes still love you but I do not like the things you did.
2007-05-10 06:35:16 · 10 answers · asked by blkngd 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK - if you believe this woman loves you and you love her, then take her back - be sure to set the terms of her return and that certain issues such as a young child climbing into bed with you - maybe she could goto the young girls room and read her a story instead and then come back to bed once she was asleep. Things must be set out in the open and in as much as you must respect her decisions towards her children, she must respect that if she asks your opinion or expects your input on how they are brought up, she must take it into consideration and be sure that her choices on their behaviors and actions are not disrepecting you!
Remember this woman left because of how you were reacting to her childrens actions - not neccesarrily hers. Explain to her that it is her dismissal of their poor behaviors that is what is causing you the grief. Then make sure that if you allow her back she sticks to it or it's over - might not be a bad idea to have things in writting.
2007-05-10 06:49:55 · answer #1 · answered by martiek7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll get hate mail over this.
Here's mine and my wife's way of looking at things.
After your mine and our kids are grown and moved out who's left you and I, right?
If we don't put each other first above everyone else including the kids, and no that doesn't mean, they eat scraps and sleep in the basement. But we refuse to let them come between us. PERIOD
Our kids are 26, 21, 17, 16 my wife and I have been together for 13 yrs. We still have dates at least once a month, we go for rides by ourselves, we love our kids and do for them to a point.
I give you a hand up but not a hand out, get a job. I have to have one and so does my wife.
As the kids are leaving the house, my wife and I aren't strangers from it only being about the kids, we still act like newlyweds.
So to sum it all up. I wouldn't let her come back because it sounds to me as though nothing in her life has changed, even being gone the 20 yo. won't grow up, not even trying to help mom after all she did for him.
Would she have wanted to come if her sister wasn't moving? and things were going good for her?
And to top it off it's still all your fault, and she claims none of the responsibility
2007-05-10 13:52:05 · answer #2 · answered by walker9842 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is totally up to you ; if you still love and miss her than deal with it. Give her the basement as a trial error kind of thing ,seek council and get working with the marriage it is hard work so go at it with all vigor for God loves unity and get God involved, God bless you and it looks to me like you would be the better person if you take her back.
2007-05-10 13:50:25 · answer #3 · answered by vicmanpin1@verizon.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Grandfather was a very wise man. He told me never to look or go in a backward direction. A person can never change history, but they can determine their future and destiny by moving constantly forward.
Keep moving my friend, do not look back!
2007-05-10 13:45:41 · answer #4 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she made someone else leave too...what would make you think she has changed.... i know you prolly love her and all but you do not want to be put through that again.... id keep in touch with her... but would not go back..... besides you dont want to get stuck with the kids and doing everything again do you? good luck... and dont take her back sounds like you were very unhappy....
2007-05-10 13:50:05 · answer #5 · answered by jessi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well did she call you during this time apart? talk things over? If so I would let her come home..I asked my hubby if i could come home and I've only been gone 1.5 months and he wont let me..So it can really hurt someone to be turned down by the person they love.
2007-05-10 13:50:04 · answer #6 · answered by ERICKSMAMA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because her life is in shambles doesn't mean you have to swoop in on your white horse to save her.
2007-05-10 13:46:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
DONT LET HER BACK IN IT WILL BE A MISTAKE
My 2 cents
2007-05-10 13:40:27 · answer #8 · answered by Andrew 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u would be crazy to go back
2007-05-10 13:41:40 · answer #9 · answered by sunbun 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
leave her
2007-05-10 13:47:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋