My daughter is marrying a bum. He thinks only of hisself and his wants and needs. She does everything for him, and what I can see he does nothing in return. He's got a good job, and does have a nice future, but I am still a worried Dad.
I have raised her on my own, and she's all I got.
2007-05-10 06:01:10 · 19 answers · asked by therednecknavyman 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dad - you are indeed a special person. It takes a special person to be the father of daughters. I know. My dad had 4 daughters and no sons.
Two things going on here.
The first thing is Daughter marrying a bum. Well, you can't stop her.
You CAN refuse to pay for anything since she's marrying someone you really dislike. That may mean you won't get to see her - for a very, very long time.
OR you could set a reasonable budget for her wedding -and accept that she's marrying someone you will have to work at to like. Walk her down the aisle and bless the marriage and be as happy for her as you can. Hold your head up proud and be the gentleman you are.
Put the money you would have spent on her huge wedding into a good investment portfolio and let it grow. Don't tell her - but do this - it could mean the world later on.
When she's fed up with Bum, then accept her back. Read he prodigal son - a lot - for how to do this.
The second thing is, Honey, your Daughter is not your property. She isn't yours to command and dictate to. Accept that she is her own person to make her own decisions and mistakes.
And she is NOT all you've got. You have yourself. You have your faith. You have your strength. You have God (of your chosen faith).
You'll get through this. But it won't be soon and it won't be easy.
Oh yes - Bum may just surprise you (probably not - but miracles do happen) and turn out to be a really great guy. If/when he does - be big enough to tell him in a public setting that you were wrong and ask him to forgive you. Believe me that will go a LONG way towards your sainthood in both Bum and Daughter's eyes. More so than the clingy Dad who throws guilt like people throw darts.
2007-05-10 06:18:10 · answer #1 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Daddy of the Bride, your baby is all grown up, and with that said you have got to let her go. If this is the biggest mistake she has ever made, then you be there to pick up the peices without the "I told you so."
Think of it this way, if you don't accept what is fixing to happen, then you are going to miss this important part of your daughter's life. You don't want that. You give your baby girl your blessings, and tell her if it doesn't work out like she thought or wanted that she will always have a place with you, and you will be there no matter what.
It may not be a bad idea to pull RANK on your son-in-law, and have a little man to man talk. Don't go after with all guns blaring, but speak to him about caring for your daughter, and of course, "if you ever hurt my daughter" speech.
Your future son-in-law maybe turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to your daughter, well I mean after having such a wonderful and concerned Daddy of course! Give him a chance, but watch, and if you need to pick her up then do so with a kind heart not a judging one.
God bless us all...................
2007-05-12 01:57:24 · answer #2 · answered by totallylost 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you raised her well, she will do okay, Dad. Best thing you can do is be NICE to this "bum." Invite the two of them over a lot and be generous with taking them out to eat, too. Keep an good relationship. If SHE loves him, she will be okay and happy, if you let her. If the marriage falls apart down the road, then be there to help her pick up the pieces of her life.
2007-05-10 06:05:55 · answer #3 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has a good job and a nice future, then hopefully he will grow some after marriage and learn that it is a partnership. If your daughter is anything like me, she is a strong woman who will make sure he does what he needs to do. The worst thing you can do is to try to convince her otherwise.....that will only make her defensive and at this point in time, she will choose him over you. Sit back and love her, and be supportive of her decisions.
2007-05-10 06:33:27 · answer #4 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait and see what answers you get on this question and maybe show this to her. Otherwise, while I understand your pain and sense of obligation to save her from this poor excuse of a man, as long as she is an adult, there is nothing you can do. Being a parent is the hardest job around, I think, and I also think there is this thing called tough love. We all learn through our mistakes and even if the lesson is a painful one, she will learn through hers as well. I think you just need to let this one go, cuz if she loves the man, I really doubt there is anything you will be able to do or say that will change her mind. Maybe just run this saying by her: LOVE IS BLIND, BUT ONLY IF YOU CHOOSE IT TO BE. Its her choice.
2007-05-10 06:07:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your head and stay on her good side, it will be hard to do I know. but if he is as big a loser as you think unfortunately for her she will find out on her own eventual. and at that point and time she is going to need you to be there for her. and you know if you put your foot down or fight and cause a fuss over him, you will only push her away, and then when she is in trouble she may not think she can turn to you. so let her know how you feel, and let her know you hope all works out well for them but if it does not you'll be there for her. as a parent at this point in her life that is about all you really can do, good luck with this. So glad I had a boy, My mom used to say she was glad she had boys, she said when you have a boy you only have one pen is to worry about when you have a girl you worry about all the pen is s.
2007-05-10 06:16:06 · answer #6 · answered by Sir Hard & Thick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you raised her alone and she is all you have got, chances are no man will seem to be good enough to you.
You can honestly, and sweetly share your concerns with your daughter while they are engaged, but after they are married you'd do better to embrace him, let him feel welcomed and find a good fatherly example in you that he can strive to become. Be patient - keep in mind how long it took you to become the kind of guy you are.
2007-05-10 06:41:04 · answer #7 · answered by daisyk 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There isn't much you can do sir. Its her choice. As a parent you realize that there are times in raising a child that all you can do is stand by helplessly and let them make some mistakes. Maybe you will be pleasantly surprised.
2007-05-10 06:04:51 · answer #8 · answered by Devdude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one will ever be good enough for your little girl. If she's making a mistake then she needs to learn that on her own. Unfortunately you have no say so in this matter of her life.
2007-05-10 06:15:03 · answer #9 · answered by #1 Lucy Fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave her alone it is her life and she deserves to live it... Just be there for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on. I know how she feels. When you reach a certain age over caring parents make you feel insecure and then you make irrational decisions to prove that you know what you are doing.
2007-05-10 06:32:23 · answer #10 · answered by honeyluv_2010 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋