How do I get through to my mother?

Question

The past few years have been extremely difficult for me. I went from a person who was happy and healthy to a person who wants to do nothing but stay in bed all day. My GPA was a 3.6 now it is a 2.4.

I'm extremely miserable. I cry all the time, find it hard to sleep at night, and have lost contact w/ what little friends I've had. I've been to three therapist, all of whom state I need to be put on anti-depressants. My mother, however, has been refusing to let me take them. She does not believe that I need anti-depressants. She thinks I'm just plain lazy. I know that my therapists have all been right, especially since I've had a lot of suicidal thoughts but how do I convince my mom of that?

She does not know about the crying or suicidal thoughts b/c that would just piss her off and start a major argument b/w us. Also, I can't go behind her back and take them b/c we live in a very small 1 bedroom apartment and she's a stay at home mom who knows everything thing that goes on at home

What should I do to convince her?

Thanks you everyone who has replied. My mother has indeed spoken to my therapists about the situation and, to make matters worst, she worked in the psychiatric field for over 17 years so she's very well aware of depression and what it does to a person. This is why I don't understand why she won't do anything about my situation.

I do have a father but my mother has a very authoratative personality and has both my father and I living in fear of her.

I'm 20 but, again, no one in my house goes against my mother's wishes. She makes sure of that.

Answer 1

Oh my gosh, sweetie, that is a hard one.... Have you tried sitting her down and talking her thru it, or will she go to the doctor with you and listen to them? This is a dangerous situation, if you are still in school, maybe you could talk to a counselor there, or to your doctor about it. Depression is a very serious thing, and this does not need to be let go any further... What about your dad? Is he not in the picture any where? Or a grandparent? You've got to find someone who will help you to get your medications... Hang in there and just keep talking to everyone you can think of to get help! It's vital!!!!

Answer 2

If you are over age 18, you can get your therapists to prescribe your pills and then you can pick them up at the pharmacy yourself.

However,I think you and your mum need to see your therapist together or your gp and one of them needs to explain depression to her.

It's Mental Health week here in Ontario and there have been numerous programs on the news about depression with young children and adolescents.

I think your mum has the belief that young people don't get depressed. Or that there is a stigma to her having a child who has depression.

She may herself suffer from depression and won't or can't acknowledge it.

Without the therapy or medication I worry for you , especially if you are having suicidal thoughts.

Mental illness is a disease like any other disease, but without help and the right meds it may indeed kill you.

You may need to get other family members involved as well as your friends and maybe their parents, school counsellors, your gp and therapist to make her understand that you are not just being lazy, you're ill and you need help.

God bless you. I hope you and your mum will have this conversation SOON.

Answer 3

When I was a little younger, and just starting college, things started going downhill similer to what you're describing. My mother, unfortunately, reacted how you are describing yours. Call it a gesture or an attempt, I did do somthing bad to myself. Her reaction was not one of sympathy- but more of a "look at the trouble you've caused now with your acting out", kind of thing. I've always believed that she was afraid of entertaining the thought that there was somthing defective about her only child, and that kept her a little callous and not very compassionate. It's taken me years of mistakes, and a lot of calm discussions to get her to even minimally understand. Just keep in mind that drastic actions are not the route to go, and before worrying about what your mom thinks, you need to do what you think is right for you. I brought some books that explained my symptoms and gave them to her. According to her, they were helpful and informative- and conflict free for me.

Answer 4

You can continue this regime until your body "gives up"---OR you can choose to leave this ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD!!
I imagine you have no money or resouces of your own, so I would get a student loan; go to the Welfare Dept; get into a Shelter or boarding house for students; and get out of that obsessive controlling environment!! Don't contact her; let her know that you'll make a harrassment charge against her, if she chooses to ignore your wishes! If she keeps all your material goods, let her have them--BUT SAVE YOUR LIFE!!
You're in the same boat as an emotionally battered wife! You are bright--use your IQ to benefit YOU as well as your GPA!

Answer 5

I going to *guess* that you are a teenager? (It was when I had those sorts of thoughts & feelings too)

Yes, I'm afraid it is difficult - but you need to confront her with the fact that you are afraid that if you don't get the help you need that you might hurt yourself. (Yes, this might cause an arguement, but sometimes that is the only way to get through.)

You probably do have a good idea of what you need - and you need to keep working at it to get what you need. Don't give up! It is worth taking care of yourself and your needs.

It is unfortunate that many people still think that depression is a weakness of character - but it is really an imbalance that we have no control over - this is part of your mom's resistance.

Take care of yourself & best of luck.

Answer 6

You should get a health professional to talk to your mother. If that is not possible, print out reliable internet articles that support you taking antidepressants. Additionally, you could propose a "trial period" of some sort: you will take the pills for a while and if they don't work or worsen your situation, you'll immediately go off them; if they work (and I'm sure they will), it will be beneficial to your health and even your mother will see that. Then she will have to let you take them.
Good luck.

Answer 7

I'm sorry to hear that. My only suggestion is to try to convince her to speak with your therapist. Why would she allow you to go to one if she didn't understand something was wrong? Hope all works out