We have been togather about 12 years and he has always been a cheater. Every time he said it was a mistake and I was always foolish enough to believe him. I guess that is the price you pay for love? I still love him and had to move 2 states away to make sure I won't go back again. I have our 5 year old son with me and don't know what to do with myself now. I am looking for a job in the medical feild and hope to have my son in school soon, but my problem is I am getting mixed reviews from my family and friends. Some say that I need to go out and experience new things and people because all I have known for so long is my husband. But others say I should just take time for myself and straighten out my emotions about the seperation before I start to meet any one. I guess from being with him for so long I don't know if it easier to move on with or without some one?
If any one has any GOOD advice, let me know.
2007-05-10 05:33:40 · 24 answers · asked by Boogie's Mom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Personally I would take some time to be by yourself, think about what you really want from a future partner and become stronger in yourself. I know someone that left a relationship and has bounced from one nightmare relationship to another because they cant be on their own and will take whatever comes their way. There is nothing wrong with meeting new people, that doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with them. Make some new friends where you are living , take up a hobby and enjoy yourself! A new man will come along when the time is right,there is nothing wrong with being on your own. Better that than being in a bad relationship. Good luck!
2007-05-10 05:46:41 · answer #1 · answered by jo h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
About 4 years ago, I split with my ex of 16 years. I thought going out and finding somebody new was the answer. I can tell you from experience it wasn't. You need time to heal and to get your head together. Any kind of relationship you would have now would just be a rebound and is doomed to end badly. I'd like to say it won't take long to straighten out your emotions, but in reality it takes a very long time. I'm still having trouble trusting men and probably always will. It's expecially hard when you have been with someone that continually cheated on you. Kinda makes you think in the back of your mind that all men will do you the same way. Don't rush in to anything, ok. Take your time and if you are meant to meet someone special, it will happen. Take care.
2007-05-10 12:41:04 · answer #2 · answered by Cool Callie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through a divorce a while back and I made a lot of friends who were also going through it. What I have seen are almost all of my female friends rushed into the next relationship. I caused them to feel better in the sort term but hindered their recovery a lot. I waited almost a year to start dating and even then it was just dating and not looking for a relationship. Here I am today a much happier person and I know what I want from a partner. If you give yourself the time you will ultimately be a more fulfilled person.
2007-05-10 12:45:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a lot of time for yourself and your son, otherwise you will find yourself buried in the same situation a year from now. Counseling will help determine why you believe you are still in love with someone who treated you badly. Female friends with children around your son's age are a definite plus. Family and friends are full of good advice, but ultimately it's up to you to get your life back on track. This is only possible without the incumbrance of another relationship. Another man in your life will not "fix" anything. Your son deserves stability that only you can provide.
2007-05-10 12:45:57 · answer #4 · answered by Darke Angel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take time for yourself.
Get some good therapy to help you find out why you would put up with such disrespect for so long.
And point out to your family that you need to work on yourself so you can be ready for a great guy to enter your life. Right now you're a basket case and simply not ready for a great guy right now. But you plan to be. You plan to be.
See, family is used to you being a doormat so now that the mouse has roared, they're wanting everything to be back the way it was. Well, it can't go back - YOU can't go back.
So join a good church for spiritual fulfillment
Volunteer for your cub scout program
Get a job - get more training, too.
Become the wonderful woman who's been hiding so long.
Things will get better.
2007-05-10 12:43:35 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand, I was with my now ex husband for 12 years too. We've been divorced for 6 years now and I STILL don't feel ready for a relationship and it makes me kind of sick to think about it. I think you and your son should start a brand new life. You have a lot of good opportunities, especially if you're in the medical field. My personal opinion is to take some time for just yourself and your son before you bring somebody else into the mix. And you don't want to confuse your son any more.
2007-05-10 12:41:06 · answer #6 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely take time for yourself. You need to be able to become friends with yourself before you start out again. Having friends, male or female is great - even with benefits if you are the type to be able to separate your feelings but it is important to get to know yourself and to be able to access what ghosts are in your closets. If you do not and get into a relationship right away you may find that in a few years your patterns of behavior will be similar to your first marriage and the way you are treated or are treating that person is the same and that spells divorce #2. Go out to dinner alone, take up a new hobby you were not able to do before. Explore new interests! There are times when you will feel lonely but all in all you will feel more at peace with yourself, healthier.
2007-05-10 17:29:05 · answer #7 · answered by panache04 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take some time for yourself. Focus on taking care of your basic needs - get a job, settle into your new home, get your son in school.
Take some time to pamper yourself, too - do all the things you always wanted to try but never could or did when you were with him. Take a rec class in something unusual, something completely new to you - rock-climbing or pottery-sculpting or whatever. Write in a journal and do some introspection and get to know who YOU are - not as Mommy, not as WIFE, but as YOU. Consider this your time to date yourself, to get to really know yourself.
It's okay to date in this stage, but don't look for anything serious. Consider this as "practice" or a "warm-up". You've been out of the dating scene for a long while, so you'll need to re-develop the skills. When you're ready, just go on a few coffee or dinner dates to get back in the swing, without any pressure to turn it into a relationship. Even purposely go out on a few dates you know will bomb, just so you get comfortable going through the motions. Don't look to start a new serious relationship for at least a year.
2007-05-10 12:46:03 · answer #8 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it's all in your personality anyway. Without knowing you, I don't really know what to say. For MOST people, sorting things out and taking time for yourself is therapeutic and helps you gain a greater understanding of yourself and what your needs are. The fact that you kept going back to him suggests you had some dependence on him, and so taking time for yourself would give you some independence and reduce the chance you'll end up with the same kind of guy the next time around.
2007-05-10 12:38:32 · answer #9 · answered by btpage0630 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take this time to grow and learn what you really want and to find the understanding that you deserve better. Enjoy this time with your son....the next few years with him will be busy and so much fun. During these years, you will meet other people, and likely some single dads who are ready for commitment. If you seek someone now, you will only compare him to your ex and not see him as he truly is...you may end up settling for someone who doesn't cheat, but has other flaws that you will be blinded to just to "have someone" around. You and your son with both enjoy these next few years....and they will be that much sweeter when you find Mr. Right! Good luck out there!
2007-05-10 12:44:21 · answer #10 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋