I am in love with this guy. everything is fine. he started talking about marriage. but because both of us are from different countries . I am Moroccan and hes Pakistani. we share the same religion. for me I don't have a problem with it. but he was telling me about hes family and if I marry him I have to move in with hes mom and dad. but I don't agree with it. but he always say oh the are old and thy need my help I told him we can live near them. but I am not okay by living with them because I believer if I get married I wants to be in my own privet house. do whatever I want. but hes not okay with I don't know is it wrong .I don't know what to do. I love him and I am willing to work thing out. by the way hes 23 I am 21. ans also he keep talking about if we have kids he will send them to his country . to learn the culture. but I keep telling him that I have a culture too. and u know it. and u need to respect it. I done know what to do I love him .
2007-05-10 04:58:30 · 12 answers · asked by heregoagain_1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I been engage twise with guys from my country but it never work out all of them break my heart thats why I start hating them and look for far a way.
2007-05-10 05:04:18 · update #1
wow stop and think for a second if you love him and he loves you then you will come to a middle ground,i am not the same religion so i do not believe living with your family or anyone elses after marriage i believe that is called controll,in my mind.
everyone has their own culture and beliefs so please dont think i am bashing your beliefs or culture,i just have been raised much differently.i really think that if he loves you for who you are then he will respect the fact that you do not want to live with his parents,and you do not want to send your children off to another country alone by themselfs,that would be kinda scary in my mind,honestly just take things slowly marriage does not make things great especially at your age you are very young still you have your whole life to get married and have children.travel to his country by yourself maybe,get to know his cultural background for yourself then if you are happy and content with how his culture is maybe you can get married without uneasyness.i have travelled and i am 26 i have seen the world and many cultures.i started at your age.trust me it is worth doing.
2007-05-10 05:16:32 · answer #1 · answered by mel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to respect you if you don't want to live with his parents. Like you said you can live near them. And as far as the kids go you can teach about about both your cultures right where you are. You don't need to send them away for that. It's just a matter of making the time to spend teaching them that. If you can't come to a compromise about that then you might want to reconsider marriage.
2007-05-10 05:06:32 · answer #2 · answered by #1 Lucy Fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you've got a tough decision there. In my opinion, this relationship won't work out, he seems to already be trying to control your life (you will live there with his parents, your kids will live there to learn HIS culture, and there's probably alot more manipulations you haven't even mentioned), that's not fair to you!!! You've got to look out for yourself and make yourself happy. You may love this guy, but if you marry him, you'll more than likely end up very unhappy, you'll resent him, and you'll eventually end up hating him. I'm sorry, but he seems immature, selfish, and disrespectful towards you. Please, wean yourself away from this man before it's too late. You said you've been hurt by a couple of men from where you live, that happens everywhere. You will find the right one eventually, don't worry about that. Please, save yourself from this man, no matter how much you love him, he'll probably end up hurting you worse than the other 2 have and you'll be stuck with him because you'll be married to him. Your future kids will end up suffering as well. Are you overreacting??? Absolutely not! Best of luck to you!!!
2007-05-10 05:15:11 · answer #3 · answered by swrong 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT sacrifice your ideals. You don't want to live with your future husband's parents, and that is certainly your prerogative. We not longer live in "the old days" and as such, all things being fair and equal and progressive, you should not feel obligated to do so. If your beau cannot provide you with what you want in a married life, then do not consider marriage. If he wants to stick around and care for his folks, let HIM do it...don't let him turn you into a slave (which is what could conceivably happen!).
You're young....21 is VERY young. You will someday encounter a person who will be and do everything you want. Be patient.
2007-05-10 05:15:29 · answer #4 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds self centered and kind of a mamma's boy.
He needs to concider you as well as himself, and he needs to get a life for his new family ( you) and can still care for his parents but don't have to live with them.
I would never suggest to do this, I did it and it was horrible. If a discussion started between wife and me then her mother got into it and immediately took daughter's side without even hearing what it was all about - it was just the simple fact I was the ' outsider" so I had to be wrong. Do not live with parents if you intend to start a family of your own. If he is not ready to live with just you and him nearby to parents, then he is not grown-up enough to leave the protections of mom & dad. You need to move on to someone else who is mature and considerate.
2007-05-10 05:09:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you're not overreacting at all! If I were married I would want my privacy too! It's great that you're trying to work things out, but from the sounds of it, he's pretty set on his decisions. What you need to do, is sit down and tell him your side, and tell him to not interrupt you. If he loves you, he'll understand and hopefully come up with a compromise. This usually works with my boyfriend.
2007-05-10 05:03:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i don't think you're overreacting at all. i wouldn't want to forsake my traditions or culture either. if you are both adament about your beliefs then i don't see how this could work. i don't believe anyone should have to give up themselves for another. if he can not find a way to compromise then i'd forget it.
2007-05-10 05:14:21 · answer #7 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not willing to compromise and thinks this is how your marriage should be. Forget about it, he's showing that he's way too controlling.
2007-05-10 05:13:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont have this problem me and my bf are both mexican but you really need to put your foot down, hes acting like you dont matter at all, he wants you to make a lot of changes but he wont make any for you
2007-05-10 05:03:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marry a Christian and you won't have those problems.
2007-05-10 05:32:19 · answer #10 · answered by Jim C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋