I have a 3 yr old and 17 month old twins. I sometimes feel one of them , in a given time, is getting more attention than the others. And one gets more dicipline from me or my husband.
2007-05-10 04:44:25 · 8 answers · asked by amersunshine 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am so glad you are aware that you are spending more time with one child than another. My parents treated my brother and younger sister like they were saints and my twin sister and I were the servants.
Make sure that the older child is given some special time!!! I know the babies take up a lot of your time because they can not do for themselves. Set aside one afternoon to be just with her. It is your time together. As they get older set aside an afternoon with each of the your children to do what they really like. Get your mom or your husband to watch the others as you do that. So, they each know they are special. Your husband should do they same thing. Ever child needs to feel special from each parents. If one child is acting up and seems to get punished more it is their way of getting your attention, but it is the wrong kind of attention. Give them the right kind of attention. Spend time with them discussing what they like and don't like. Discuss what they like about thier siblings. Ask them if they think you are treating them differently. Don't show favortim. My parents did and It still hurts. I tried really hard not to do that with my kids. I never could spend as much time one on one as I wanted to, because I had no one to leave the other children, but I sure which I had.
2007-05-10 04:58:23 · answer #1 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats life though isn't it? You're concern shouldn't be about dividing attention equally but the care and raising of your kids.
Now think...17 month old twins require considerably more attention than the 3 year old...who is no doubt into his/her "terror" stage now as most 3 years olds are.
Granted the 3 year old can't really formulate mature thoughts but they usually know the difference between right and wrong in most cases and undersatnd the word "no". Despite the fact they act as though they don't.
Do what you have to for the 3 year old....concentrate on the young ones. The three year old won't feel guilty. Only you do. That's because you can't be plunkled down in front of a TV and watch Elmo or The Wiggles and have anything that happened 30 seconds earlier wiped from your memory.
When they get to five is when you'll have to start being cognizant of the attention they get.
2007-05-10 05:05:35 · answer #2 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As the old saying goes, "it's not the quantity it's the quality that counts". As parents we often feel guilty because we think our children aren't being treated equally. Of course they can't be treated equal. There individuals and as such have to be treated like one. If you feel one child is getting too much attention because they need correcting then maybe find away that each parent can take a little time to do something special with the others that day. (i.e. reading them stories at bedtime) Make up a point to tell them what they are doing right and give lots of praise. Hard to do when one is tantruming but they'll appreciate your efforts. My husband and I make dates with our kids. Once a month we each take just one out to do something together. (even if that means just grocery shopping) Buy them a small gift to show them how well they are doing. If the ones acting appropriately are getting good rewards (attention, toys) this will encourage the other to do the same. Balancing all their needs is a challenge. Discuss with your spouse how you can both make a positive difference so you don't feel this way. Keep your chin up it does get much easier as your children get a little older and more independent. Awwww I remember the days I wanted to pull my hair out! Hugssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-05-10 05:03:52 · answer #3 · answered by Orion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a father of a 13 year and 15 year old twins I know what you mean.
The twins almost always seem to get the most attention. It's a tough juggling act.
You just do your best. It more important that they know you love them above anything else
2007-05-10 04:53:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Each child needs attention in a different special way. You probably will not give them each the same amount of attention each & every day, but make sure that you read to them & sing with them & play with them every day.
2007-05-10 04:54:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your children are not tallying up how much time you’re spending with each of them. Don’t stress over it. The most important thing is to be there when they need you (and some may need you more than others)--that’s what they’ll remember.
2007-05-10 04:58:08 · answer #6 · answered by kp 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't give equal time all the time. As long as your children feel loved, don't worry about the small issues, they don't!
Happy Mother's Day!!
2007-05-10 04:52:41 · answer #7 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well assume that you need to give more.. or give less, do not spoil your children and try to record things you do with your kids so that you can remember what they each are getting
2007-05-10 04:50:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋