My husband would rather hang with friends and play poker than spend time with me. ( wife of 5 yrs together 8 yrs) I told him I had a sitter and wanted to go to the movies, it was saterday at 12 noon, he said there might be a poker game that night,so I said that my friends are all busy and I want to spend the time with him. I left it up to him to decide his plans that evening. He chose poker, and didn't even invite me to come hang with him and buddies. I sat at home alone all night with our 1st babysitter in a long time.
I told him the next day I was mad and expected him to chose to spend the time with me. I have given up trying to spend time with him. I now joke and tell everyone that we are not friends just married. Any ideas?
2007-05-10 04:34:52 · 13 answers · asked by Marge 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I do dress sexy, do go to bars and even tell him about all the hot guys I met but still nothing. I never nag, he has all the things he wants ( laptop,computer, dirtbike, quad, paitball gun, expensive poker chipset & table, snow board,) he's the guy with all the toys. He says I get time with him..which is between 11pm-12. :(
2007-05-10 04:59:44 · update #1
It's ok to have time away from home with friends but if one partner is neglecting the other then you need to examine whether you are still meant to be in this relationship. Relationships do go through ups/downs and have stale periods but this is no joking matter. If calmly sitting and talking about what's wrong doesn't work try putting his pillow on the couch and tell him this is his new room. Just joking. Set some strict boundaries. Be firm in your requests and provide consequences for his actions. If you allow him to continue to do whatever he feels like without consideration to your feelings then he'll continue to do this as long as you allow it. My husband and I participate weekly in a league together. Time away from home to relax is important and time together brings you closer. The more he does this the more you'll resent him for it. Ask him where he wants your relationship to go and to come up with suggestions towards those goals. Give him a time to think about it and set a time when you can talk. If he excuses and doesn't put in any effort then by all means a room change is needed.
2007-05-10 04:52:54 · answer #1 · answered by Orion 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
talk to him about it and ask him why he would rather go play poker than spend an evening alone with you. A movie at noon on a saturday and he couldnt go because there 'might' be a poker game that night?? If this only happened once in awhile then fine, but by the sounds of it it is a constant problem.
I would sit down and have a serious conversation, tell him you love that he has good friends and wants to spend time with them, but that you want to spend time as a family, and as a couple. Start having date night once every few weeks or once a month, get a sitter and go out to dinner or a movie.
2007-05-10 11:42:36 · answer #2 · answered by Katie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know, I had a similar issue a while back. You are going to have to start a discussion and come out and ask Why do you not want to spend time with me? Explain how his choices may effect your married relationship. That you are looking for a closer relationship and/or a romantic relationship
Suggest that you widdle down his playing poker to 1-2 times a week and that you would like to spend time with him, alone once or twice a month.
I know it doesn't seem like much to ask, but there may be other issues. Have you considered that he may be avoiding you for other reasons? As an example, and I am not saying this is you, that you are not happy all the time and you bring him down, and that is why he is avoiding you. You are under stress and he wants to be out of the way.
Some people avoid situations that would cause more issues, as I have learned. This is something that you both have to work on together.
2007-05-10 11:42:53 · answer #3 · answered by giveu2tictacs 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know what to do and it will work if he's not having an affair. Tell him YOU are going out for a couple drinks with the girls and when you leave be sure you dress to kill and that he sees you. Put on heels that are real sexy. And whatever you do don't call him all night. And when you get home be happy but reserved. His poker nights will end, but it might take a few times of doing this. If you can't go out then say your going to visit a friend but dress like your going out. Make him wonder men love a challenge.
2007-05-10 11:48:07 · answer #4 · answered by Maria 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Okay, you gave him a choice, then you got mad at him for making the wrong choice? How manipulative!! Stop stop stop!
Okay, here's what you do: instead of asking him to make a choice, you schedule a date. Make it something you can both enjoy, like a movie you would both like to see. Make it on a day that doesn't conflict with his already existing plans. Schedule it with him so you can be sure it doesn't conflict with his plans.
Funny how when a man makes his wife choose between him and her friends, he's controlling and unreasonable... but if the woman makes him choose, then he should drop everything for her. You need to work together with him to find times that will work for both of you. You can't ask him to give up his friends.
2007-05-10 12:50:16 · answer #5 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are on the slow drift toward infidelity and/or divorce.
First problem is you expected him to choose to spend time with you. When you expect things you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
I hate to suggest it because it is extreme but maybe a trial separation is the way to go. Show him what life will be like without you. Don't rush into anything though, it could easily backfire on you.
2007-05-10 12:39:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a good long look at yourself and see if there is anything you are doing that is putting him off. Do you nag him? Do you not fix up? Do you hang on him? If you are doing any of those things, he probably feels like he spends enough time with you.
If you are not doing those things, try being more friendly and flirty with your husband. Mine loves it when I flirt with him like when we were dating. He will choose you over the guys everytime.
Good luck hun!
2007-05-10 11:40:01 · answer #7 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's some guys for ya. I would shoot for a slow change of this, and going out with your friends to cope along the way. If you aren't satisfied with changes made, this situation will probably make you unhappy enough to leave.
2007-05-10 14:03:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Plan another date with him if you want to spend time with him, if he still wants to play with his friends then take off all your clotes and tell him, " Oh, thats too bad, I was planning on fuking your brains out." Then get dressed. It worked with my hubby. Good luck :)
2007-05-10 11:43:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he needs to figure out who is more important in his life you or his friends. You need to confront him & tell him that he is slowly killing your love for him because that's what he's doing. My heart goes out to you. I've been through that so many times that now I choose not to go through it again.
To thy own self be true. Pray about it & you will get your answers. Hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-05-10 11:44:27 · answer #10 · answered by texasstar1974 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋