How do I end my partners affair when it is in the open and she won't end it?

Question

My partner of 6 years started an affair which I wasn't supposed to find out about. She then openly admitted it and refused to stop seeing this guy. Things got worse and now she has kicked me out and is moving him in. She says she is sorry, feels ashamed and feels guilty. It's still raw for both of us (it's only 6 weeks old). She has mental health issues but is extremally intelligent most of the time. She has some drink related problems. She is not faithful at best of times but I still love her, she loves me, but is IN love with this other guy. She has a long track record of broken relationships and returning to the previous partner. If I openly try to stop the affair she WILL resent me and I lose everything, she still wants us to stay freinds and have contact. He is very jealous and she is very gregarious. I have just got him a job with late finishing times to try to separate them as much as possibl(she hates being alone). Their relationship is already stormy. how do I get her back?

Answer 1

Unfortunately its the waiting game! - You can only 'be there' for her if she needs to talk and although it might not be yet she will one day soon need to speak to you! You can only offer the sympathetic ear/ dont be too eager about anything and let her think that you are 'ok' obviously not going over the top but basically just getting on with your life! - It will be hard but trust me - when she doesnt think you are available any more (and i dont mean in the relationship status) she will want to do the running again - its human nature - people always want what they havent got! If you say that she has history of 'going back' the chances are she will do the same with you - but you must not accept her back on her grounds but yours!

But seriously you need to ask yourself the question - if you were to get back with her and it was to happen again how would you cope? Arent you just putting off the break up that will happen again eventually? :( Sorry to be so blunt but i would have to question whether its all worth your hurt emotions!

Good luck!

Answer 2

Why do you want her back? She will present you with a series of ever more difficult challenges which in the end will take away your strength. She is probably what I term a psychic vampire. I suggest you move on. You won't want to hear this at all and I am sorry but you are not dealing with a person who shares your world view. You may have a great need to help others but she will soak up all of your time and energy and in the end your health. She is not what she appears to be. If she does come back which you think she will then say you will have her back if she gets professional help. I see she has kicked you out ( of your house or hers?) and is moving in (or he is moving in with her?) with him. She had the power to kick you out. Mistake. don't have her back under any circumstances if she can pose a threat to your home. It isn't that I doubt you sincerely love her but I wonder if you could possibly step back for a moment and ask what advice you would give to someone else who asked the same question.

Answer 3

How many times would you be willing to stand in front of me and let me smash you across the head with a base ball bat?
At a rough guess I'd say once! so how many more times are you going to let this woman take the urine out of you?
She's got herself well and truly sorted, moving one man in and you're discarded like yesterdays chip paper.
She's having an affair which she wont end, he's in, your out, she wants to remain friends and your frightened of upsetting her in case you lose her!
Give it up, if she cared anything for you she'd have ended her affair the minute the game was up, instead your kicked to the curb and he's now got is feet under your table, and to really put the icing on the cake you get him a job!?
Walk away now while you still have some pride and dignity left, fairs fair, 6 years is a while to be with somebody, but do you really want to be with somebody who obviously looks out for number one and treats you like a door mat?
Dont let her keep you hanging on a piece of string and when it all falls out of bed with this man she reels you back in until the next time.
Leave her to stew in her own alcohol laced juice and dont look over your shoulder, just walk away and find somebody who loves and respects you enough not to treat you this way!

Answer 4

You've got a lot more patience than most people and I admire you for this but I think that you have to let this run its course. If you try and disrupt or stop this then it may bring them together more; however, if you back off and let this affair continue until it's run out of steam then she may come back to you, as you seem to be the one consistent thing in her life. She probably sees you as her rock, and she wants to stay friends and keep contact with you - I suspect so she has you on the 'backburner' if this goes wrong and she can always come back.
However, you say she isn't faithful at the best of times so this is part of a long-running thing in your relationship - the difference is that she has expressed strong emotional ties with this man; however, as you say she has a track record of broken relationships so, based on past form, this isn't probably going to last.
If you really want her back, then you have to sit tight and stay put and she'll come back to you, crying on your shoulder and the message may get through to her that you're a consistent man and you are always there for her.
You've obviously chosen to stay with this woman, despite her failings. Sadly there's a lot of heartache in this for you until she realises your worth and decides to stay with you for keeps.
Good luck, there's no quick fix on this one.

Answer 5

Let me first commend you on your efforts to maintain a relationship with this woman. Many woman would kill for a man like you. Loving some one and being in love are completely different. If you are IN LOVE with this woman, then give her the opportunity to miss you and become IN LOVE with you. There is always the old saying, IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING SET IT FREE, IF IT COMES BACK IT'S YOURS, IF IT DOESN'T, THEN IT NEVER WAS. There is some truth to this. I can tell you that by involving yourself with the other man (getting him a job), will eventually kick you in the back end. Remove yourself from the situation and let her realize what she is losing. If she doesn't, then move on. she will end up doing the same thing to the other guy.

Good luck

Answer 6

If you stay in a relationship with her I'd have to wonder who actually has the mental health issues...You or her??
How can you possibly be in love with anyone who has disrespected you this much??
Sounds like you have some insecurity issues you need to deal with, believe it or not, you deserve better than her..
My advice is to get rid of her, talk to someone professional about your feelings and move on past this woman, she's bad news.....

Answer 7

Why would you want her back? Why did you get the guy a job, even if it did have a late finishing time? Don't be her friend, because she sure as hell has not been one to you.
Scrub that 'doormat' sign off your forehead, man up, and move on! You deserve better.

Answer 8

I was in a similar situation, I think if you really sit and think about it, you are better off out of it. and when you pull yourself together, you will wounder why you would ever want to get back in the same situation she's freed you from, you wont be alone long someone normal is out there waiting for YOU.

Answer 9

Find your pride and walk away. No contact. No regrets. Who cares if she resents you. Good. Let her feel a small portion of what you're going through.

She is not ashamed or she wouldn't do it. She does not feel guilty or she would end it. She does not love you or she wouldn't be doing it.

Answer 10

the reality of small business enterprise is that it's going to do plenty better IF, you're no longer in contact. SHE is a much better half in business enterprise and that they do no longer look to be banging one yet another. Ever heard the only approximately blending business enterprise and delight? opposite to the popular opinion right here they could have grown up and desperate to easily be friends and business enterprise companions without the intercourse. in the event that they did the business enterprise has a plenty better hazard of succeeding. in the event that they did no longer you need to ought to stay close adequate to guard your loved ones's investment. the reality is that your help is going out the window if this business enterprise fails or builds up extensive debt. it is fairly obtainable that that's in basic terms what it may be a business enterprise and not an extension of an affair. on a similar time because it sounds harsh he in all hazard did no longer desire your help yet did desire hers for investment , administration or bakery comprehend how. you relatively ought to locate out what's going on in spite of the undeniable fact that. Did it ever ensue to you to ask them? yet PLEASE do no longer act on suspicion. Get some genuine suggestions. And it in all hazard does no longer harm to get some couples counseling besides. BTW- nearly all of small business enterprise failures I even have expertise of comprise the direct results of husband and spouse subject concerns. in case you could no longer confer with him approximately who he's in business enterprise with do you assume the stress of economic business enterprise will make it better? i think of no longer. one factor is for specific, in case you pass away because of the fact the majority shows, they are which includes out combat from you, they get chummy the business enterprise folds and you lose any help. So in case you opt to bail out (undesirable advice) mark this warning it is going to end poorly....very unfavorable.