how do i confront my mother about the past?

Question

when i was younger i had a family member molest me when i told her the only comment was ill tell his mom he was 20 for cring out loud ,another who would get drunk and beat me as a child and she wouldnt act like shed seen a thing , my mom also had a boyfriend that tried to kiss me and look in on me when i was was changing etc when i told her she made the comment well he was drunk he didnt mean it he was probly just jokin we had a very strained relashionship for years ive always wanted to ask her why!im grown now with kids that love her alot and weve been gettin along for quite some time how do i bring this up or should i just leave it alone i dont want to hurt our relashionship but i wanna know why she didnt do anything

Answer 1

You have issues on why she didn't protect you as a child and these will never go away until you get some professional help. I would suggest you see a therapist and talk to someone who can give you a way to discuss this with your mom. Or maybe you and your mother should go together if she'd agree to that. At any rate, you need professional help. Godloveya.

Answer 2

I know from experience that the only thing that will probably work is for the both of you to go together to a therapist. It sounds like your mom will just keep making excuses for everything rather than just say she was dead wrong to allow this to happen. When she makes excuses I could imagine it makes you feel like she doesn't care at all about how these things have affected your life. It is obviously bothering you, so get it out in the open, you will just wind up resenting her more and more each day if you keep it bottled up inside. Good luck with whatever you do. I know that when I had my own child it made me think more and more about how my mom could have done some of the things she did to hurt me. My mom just tells me to get over it, and as a result of her attitude we do not get along, at all.

Answer 3

I know its hard to find a right time or place for questions like this but you do need to try to sit down and talk to her. Otherwise you are always going to have this in your mind and probably hold this against her. My Mom did some things to me when I was younger and I still have a hard time trying to put the past in the past even after we talked but it did help to talk about it. Maybe you can get with her alone one day and take a ride and just try to ask her then.

Answer 4

You wrote that you are getting along. I think it would be better to just leave it alone. Besides, she will deny everything, as this was my experience when I asked my mom about something that happened to me. She also was very abusive, and to this day she thinks she was being a good mom. You cannot change what happened to you, and I would go into counseling instead. It helped me greatly. You did nothing to cause this to happen.

Answer 5

You certainly have the right to know what was going on in her head, but unfortunately the answer may not be what you are looking for. If it really bothers you, ask. At least it will get it off your mind. It should not hurt your relationship by asking a question that haunts you.

Answer 6

You should have done that long time ago, but yes it is a difficult situation, but your mother is not a mothers backside, she should have protected you her child, but was more interested in what people thought, and it looks like she has no heart either, if she did she would have protected you, but come out with it dear it is high time she owned up for what she did to her daughter, my dear she deserves everything that she gets from you

Answer 7

You probably need to leave it alone. Get into counseling and that will give you an outlet to deal with it.

Try these two books:

http://www.amazon.com/Courage-Heal-Revised-Expanded-Survivors/dp/0060950668/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_k2a_3_txt/002-4124081-6000844

http://www.amazon.com/Courage-Heal-Workbook-Survivors-paperback/dp/0060964375

Make sure you buy the workbook too. I know it's extra money but it is the part that will make all the difference.

If you do get into counseling, you can use the books to help you progress. Your counselor might also help you confront your mom in a way that won't ruin the relationship you have developed.

Good luck! :)

Answer 8

Your mother is just a weak person who should have stood up for you but probably didn't have the strength. Both of you should get this out in the open with a therapist.

Answer 9

Yeah have it out with her and see what she says you have a right to know she should have protected you as a first priority,
I cant help thinking some men hook up with women just to get access to the daughter. she should see that.

Answer 10

your mother needs help,she has a problem keeping men, and she has a problem keeping men in her life, and you are having a problem with the losers in her life, i think you should worry about how to get help for your mother maybe counseling,but you need to get out of there and into a safer environment first, then try and talk to her about why you left, if she will not try self help you should try and protect her but from a distance,you need to help yourself first!