I have a small problem. My ex is having a personal issue. He will not let me know what it is (and actually....I don't really care) but he told me that he is having problems with his marriage. Okay with that said, he has not picked our kids up for the past three weeks for his visitation (court ordered). What in the world am I to do. Am I to say something, do something or just accept that my kids are "Back burner Kids" to him during his rocky marriage. My kids are starting to wonder and ask "Where is dad?"
2007-05-10 00:57:12 · 12 answers · asked by ♪♫♪justpassingby♪♫♪ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Blueeyes: Please follow the question. My only concern is about my children. Of course I know what is going on in his life...I was married to him and we are now divorced. He doesn't have the heart to check on his kids. I believe that just because one is having personal problem, one's kids to not cease to exsist. It's not what a responsible parent does. "Hey Bobby! I am going through a very sucky time in my life right now, so I don't have time to deal with you." Not cool, and kids are smart. They will figure it out. But thank you anyway for your answer, it is appreciated.
2007-05-10 02:48:43 · update #1
Unfortunately you are experiencing what often happens when divorce splits a family. The parents marry again and their new family becomes the focus of their attention. The "problem" with his new marriage may actually be his new wife resents the time he spends with his "old" children.
As suggested by others, you need to inform him that his kids are expecting him to show up and are very disappointed when he does not. If he continues to be a no-show, your kids will learn Daddy is not reliable. That will reflect negatively upon him. You on the other hand should never make excuses for him not showing up, he should have to do that himself.
You also need to inform him that your family's activities are not going to revolve around him. If he makes arrangements to get the kids and does not show up or call within 1 hour of the time agreed upon, your family will go do something else. (Document it all of course.)
If part of the visitation is considered "joint custody" if you document his failures to show, get enough of them, you can go to court and get the custody arrangements changed. IE: revoke joint custody and you get more child support.
2007-05-10 05:12:50 · answer #1 · answered by forgivebutdonotforget911 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although your ex has a court order for visitation to see his children, this order does not make it mandatory.
Unfortunatly he is not the only father that does this to his children. My own father did this more often than I care to remember. However, at nearly 60 now, I can still feel the disappointment of not having him in my life as a child.
The most important thing to do is not to bad mouth the children's father in front of them. I am not sure how you both made arrangements for him to pick up the children. Did he call you to say he will be there or did he automatically come to the house and pick up the children?
Let your ex speak with the children and let him tell them why he can't come and pick them up. The burden or perhaps "lies" will be on his shoulders not yours.
IF his marriage is not working out well, then it is probably a very good idea that the children aren't with their father at his place. His new wife maybe jealous of his children and may even resent him paying child support as this is less money coming into their household.
If anything, at least he should be talking to the children during the week and IF he can spend an hour with them, to the children this will feel so much better than nothing at all.
Wishing you the best.
2007-05-10 01:08:53 · answer #2 · answered by Patty G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a father, and after my divorce, I was always there for my kid on time. Then I began having personal problems, and the child's routine was messed up, and my ex went crazy at me. This only gave me added stress, and the lines of proper communication broke down. It was agony for me as a father, because I was very aware of the effect I was having on my kid, and I accept it was wrong. But all I needed was some time and things would have been so much better if my ex had been more understanding.
I think some words need to be said, but try to remain calm, and show tolerance. And you should always put your children first, always. I hope the stress on your children is not too bad, and I hope their dad resolves his issues fast. Good Luck.
2007-05-10 01:18:21 · answer #3 · answered by Lucas 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No but it is very different when the children are from another marriage sorry the first marriage, you are going to have to explain to the children what is goin on, please you must understand what he is going thru, it is a difficult situation for him especially since you of all people should know what that feels like, you went thru the same thing with him remember, but the children stayed with you, think what would you do if the tables were turned and it was you in the situation, you sound like a person that does not care for the next as long as it does not intefere with your plans.......... Why don't you tell them where dad is and let them speak to him over the phone........ Have a heart give him a break
2007-05-10 02:02:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
on a similar time as in an suitable international i've got self assurance that a husband and spouse marry and then have babies and the youngsters ought to come 2d to the marriage because of the fact the marriage is the form upon which their lives are based. once you're getting into the relationship after the youngster and are not the organic and organic parent - i will understand the place you would be 2d place until a minimum of the time that the youngster is the age or majority and status on their own 2 feet.
2017-01-09 14:15:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he's having marital problems he could be thinking of the children by NOT picking them up and bringing them into a volatile situation-ask him and let him know they are asking about him-tell the kids that Daddy is just trying to deal with some big problems right now-hopefully he does love them and will be back with them soon-but if not just try to make the transition to life without Daddy as easy as possible for the kids
2007-05-10 01:27:28 · answer #6 · answered by suan b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Could it be that his spouse is arguing with him and somehow it concerns the children? In which case, it would be much worse for them to be in the middle of it. I'd tell him that this time, you're cutting him some slack but you expect the visitation to be back on track very soon.
2007-05-10 01:08:28 · answer #7 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Umm go to yuor lawyer and tell him what a looser you ex's is and whats going on. Why would you even think about letting your kids be anything other then number 1 in your life or his. I would stop that $hit right now. And tell your kids the truth no matter how old they are. No one wants a mother who is a liar.
2007-05-10 01:08:00 · answer #8 · answered by steamsmith 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
no, kids should always come first no matter what. u need to ask urself, do u really want ur kids with him if there are alot of fussin and fightin going on? make him tell the kids why he isnt comming to get them that way the kids dont think u r the bad guy.
2007-05-10 01:03:42 · answer #9 · answered by luck_4_love 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
take a few minutes out and call him, ask him why he isnt picking up the kids and that it is hurting them that he isnt
it MIGHT be that his current wife doesnt want them there, in which case, you dont want them there either
2007-05-10 01:03:39 · answer #10 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋