Not sure if I love my husband anymore, don't want a divorce?

Question

Long story short, alot has fallen apart lately. There's alot of bad things that are between us and I've grown more and more bitter and cold about the everything. We really don't get along anymore and sometimes I can't help but be cold towards him. Just when I start thinking I'm not even sure if I feel like I love him anymore, I think, naturally about divorce. But I can't even imagine being without him. I always get upset when I think about divorcing him because I don't want that....? Am I nuts for thinking this way? What am I supposed to do?

The sad thing is we've talked about it... matter of fact last night. I told him I was thinking about divorce and he said he thought about it too becuase this just wasn't working and it can't keep going like this. He says the same thing I say. He doesn't want a divorce, but we're both unhappy.

Answer 1

You are not nuts for feeling that way. Maybe you should spend some time away from each other without getting divorced, but I don't advise dating other people. Just give yourselves a "break", and I'm sure things will work out. Good luck to you!

Answer 2

I am not married but have spent 10 years with the same guy, we both have our separate homes but only live five minutes away. I had been feeling so negative against my partner for a while and couldn't see where our future was leading, so after Xmas I said I wanted to break as I didn't know how I felt anymore. Unexpectedly my partner was devastated and wanted us to sort things out. I stood my ground and said that I needed time as I was so confused. We continued to see each other for walks and drinks and relaxed together, I found that I felt that this new change in our relationship was much better, unfortunately my EX started to see another woman which then forced me to confront my feelings. I did love him , he was annoyed at first and said that he was unsure if my feelings were for the right reasons. Anyway 3 months down the line our passion for each other is stronger than ever, and the hand holding and kissing in public( something we never did before) has taken us both on to another better loving relationship and we both have told each other honestly how we feel and will be back together soon and hopefully for keeps.
spend some time apart and think of the good things about each other which you would miss, divorce is such a sad thing to go through with. Good luck.

Answer 3

Every marriage has rough patches like this. You are feeling a bit bored and stuck in a rut, and if a lot of bad stuff has gone on lately, this has probably added to that.

Don't give up on him just yet. The fact that divorce makes you feel awful shows it's not what you want. You just want something to change. The only people who can make that happen are you and your husband. Sit down together and talk about it. Try to work out a plan - go out together a bit more.

It might seem hopeless, but think back to when you married him and how you felt then. Is there any way you can get those feelings back again?

Also, work on yourself - get exercise, take up a new hobby, make new friends. Sometimes the things we lack in ourselves get transferred onto those closest to us. The frustration might not actually be with your husband at all. It could be with yourself.

Answer 4

No because ending a relationship especially marriage can be devistating even for the person asking for it. Is there a reason the two of you aren't trying to work on the things that are "bad"? It is easy to think about divorce because it seems like the most logical answer...leave now while you can. But marriage vows say through good and bad...this may be the bad part everyone goes through. I think before you give up try to focus on the big problem...do you work to much? Does he not help enough around the house? Are you neglectful of each others needs? Find out what exactly is going on with the relationship and see if it is fixable? If you can't imagine being without him then you owe at least to yourself to say you gave it everything you had and it still didn't work. I've been through this too and it is hard to face not only the problems of the partner but our own shortcomings as well. But if you think that things could be better then try. Talk to each other, go to a counselor or priest or family member and get some perspective on what is causing this riff between the two of you. It is easy to turn our backs when we are hurt and this attitude isn't helping turn things around. You obviously know there are problems now it is up you to start and do something about. I did counseling on my own before my husband starting going and it helped me to get my head on straight so I could do right by the relationship too. Although you need to work together, if you can't work on yourself then things will only come back to this point. Sorry so wordy...if you want to talk about anything you can email me. Good Luck.

Answer 5

You sound like i did 4 years ago when i sat down with my husband that night, i was the stronger one in the relationship and had to make the move and say it, but i couldn't carry on anymore, i loved him but weren't 'in love' with him anymore, and the bitterness grows because you both feel like your holding each other back. You've obviously spoken but now one of you has to make the move and give each other a break else u'll end up hating each other, at least if you split up there's great chance that you'll be friends, maybe even get back together (not that i did and were happy really good friends), don't think about divorce yet its something that can be thought about down the line if and when, instead both be fair to yourselves and do whats right for each other.

Answer 6

When a relationship goes cold like this and you are both discussing divorce in a sensible fashion, it seems like there can be only one result. Maybe you know it's the right thing to do but you haven't really prepared for it yet. It's difficult to part from someone you have spent so much time with and been through so much with, but people do change all through their lives. Sometimes you just have to realise things have moved on and that you are not compatible anymore.

Why don't you just try living apart for now? You can't get divorced for two years anyway, unless one of you commits adultery or is guilty of unreasonable behaviour.

Answer 7

Talk to each other, open the lines of communication. The things that have fallen apart lately, did u each face them alone or did u face them together. My husband and I went through a period of lost love but we worked hard at rekindling our love. Don't separate or divorce yet. Find some time and take a second honeymoon. OUR everyday life gets in the way of a relationship and sometimes makes us think we are out of love. If you still can't bear the thought of being without him then, honey, you still love him. Fight for your love and listen to the song by Ray Boltz entitled "Let's begin again."

Answer 8

I know what you are feeling bcuz I am going through the same thing. You don't want a divorce bcuz you are accustomed to being with each other and you don't think you handle being without him for whatever reason (my reason is my son), but it really isn't healthy to be living like that. One thing that I am considering is separation, you don't have to go through with the divorce unless after being separated for a while the both of you think that it's best. Right now the both of you are saying divorce because you are aggravated and agitated with each other, but you may just need a break.

Answer 9

What is love? How many people have perfect marriages. How many people have never felt there many be greener pastures... One can have a child and not like them, but still love them. Isn't it interesting when you meet someone and you think wow I wish I had a relationship like that only to find out he hits her, she has slept with someone, he slurps his soup, she picks her nose AND WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT!! We are not perfect and no relationship is. Start treating each other as if you aren't married but sharing a house with a housemate; so you have to be a little precious the way you treat them or they won't cough up the rent money or will leave. Start spoiling yourself and each other with little treats. You are in a rut. Have a break away from each other perhaps a weekend here and there. Then a weekend together somewhere. Find yourself and you will hopefully find each other again. Good luck!

Answer 10

What has fallen apart, put back together -- they say that when a broken bone heals, it's stronger than it was before, and there's no reason why a marriage can't be the same way. Take the bad things between you out from between you; you'd be amazed at the rejuvenating power of forgiveness. To change form bitter and cold, force yourself for awhile to behave in ways that are sweet and warm. If you have forgiven, then your attitude will follow your behavior and you will start to feel better toward your husband soon.

Listen to your intuition. You're feeling upset when you think about divorce because your heart knows that it's not too late to put this ship back on its correct heading.