Advice please on my relationship situation.?

Question

OK.
I have a young son and I live with my partner. We have an ok relationship, I love him, but I think our relationship has hit the point where neither of us really care anymore.

He has headed towards straying a few times, although I don't have concrete proof that anything ever happened other than inappropriate texts with another woman.

I am now in contact with an ex boyfriend whom I loved immensely. We split as he had a child in another relationship and he battled with his guilt. I made the decision to let him go.

Anyway, we both concede that we still feel that same about each other and that neither of us have ever found what we used to have together with our current partners.

Both of us agree that our children must come first, but neither of us deep down want to stay with our partners.

One big problem................. he's living on the other side of the world but he has agreed to fly over and see me.

What do you think. I will provide more info if you need it.

OK, firstly, I have not cheated with my ex. We are simply in contact via the phone.

Secondly, for me to go over there, would mean taking my son with me. Taking him away from his Daddy effectively. We are not married btw.

I would never jump straight into a relationship with my ex. My son comes first and if we are going to be together, I would allow all our children between us time to try and become at ease with the situation.

What I suppose I wandered was how many would stay in the situation I am in for the sake of the children.

Answer 1

Inappropriate texts to another woman is concrete enough proof for me.
i think that life is too short for you to be spending it with a person you do not love and clearly does not love you back. I'm really glad you both are not married for that would complicate things.
If you are certain that you still love that ex boyfriend and the feeling is mutual then i think you should be together.
as for the fact that he lives on the other side of the world, how far are you saying? australia? This may proove to be a problem. you need to consider whether the relationship is still feasible even with the distance. can you commute, do you have a career here you value and do not want to leave. can he commute? or come and live here with you.
all these this are something you have to think about between the two of you.
but as for now, the fact that he is willing to fly over to take the time to see you, illustrates something along the lines of him liking you so much and a desire that he wants things to work between the two of you. Let him see you. meet up and talk things over. Hope everything goes well. All the best ok.
one thing is for sure you should not be with your current man who yu do not love.

Answer 2

You say you love him and 'you think' your relationship has hit the point where neither of you really care anymore! - Thats the doubting bit!

The text messages arent good, not a good sign atall tbh not if your the kind of person to want someone to be totally faithful and loyal to you and you alone! Even if you did get over this hiccup in the relationship how could you ever begin to trust again! - Maybe you're the forgiving type?!

The fact that you are even in contact with this ex b/f of yours and you've both continued to communicate suggests that you both feel a lot for each other! - Maybe he's the reason that your relationship is not working [your feelings are really elsewhere].

Once you've found your sole mate/connection, its hard to even begin to compare to someone else - things just arent the same are they?!

Personally I think you've more or less made your mind up you just need other people to confirm what your thinking!

I will say this though - Dont jump straight out of one relationship into another/ you normally find people do this/ not only do they harm the people that they've been with for the past i dont know how long, but they end up hurting themselves aswell. "Frying pans and fires" - You dont need to rush into anything! And remember you dont actually need anyone else in life to get by - look after number one/You!

All the best!

Answer 3

I think that the problem is that she cant le go of him and if she never does it will only end up hurting you more and more into your relationship. I was in your girlfriend position a few years ago and it was because honestly.... I could not let go of my ex boyfriend and didnt want to be alone. Instead of just being alone i had another boyfriend and subconsciously used him to make me feel better about not being able to have you ex. She may love you very much too mate but she cant let go of him and obviously thinks about him lots if she cant stop missing him. If she is still seeing and talking to him she wont and cant let go... You could always try going to speak to a councellor together to mediate an agreement and so u can both truly open up and express ur true feelings with the protection that the concellor there will calm things down before it gets out of hand. I hope things work out mate :)

Answer 4

Han,what keeps two people together is love and tolerance.But you should not be kept in arelationship because of tolerance.Love should come first of all the things.
Your son is important love him do everything for him but remember you also have alife to leave and a right to be happy.But dont rush becoz you may endup reapeting the same thing.
One more thing that am realising is that yourenot afighter you shoulnd have let your first man to go
Thats all i can say Han.You still have agood future.

Answer 5

I think you've made the decision already. You sound an educated, intelligent woman.

If there is no love left and you truly want to make a change, then go for it. I agree with Bell on this one.... as long as you put the kids first, then it will work.

Don't stay in a loveless relationship. It's not healthy for you or the children.

Answer 6

You will be making your life way too complicated. Just think of how you are going to face your husband knowing that you are cheating. If this ex cheats with you, then you will never be able to trust that he is not also cheating on you with someone else besides his wife.

That is just more drama than one person needs in their life, particularly when they are trying to raise children.

If you are unhappy leave your husband. It is much easier on you and the kids won't be caught in the middle of arguments. (Especially those that are going to start when your husband finds out that you are cheating--and he will)

Answer 7

In my opinion first you should sort out you present relationship. Have a break and think about you and your son. Don't jump in another relationship as yet. Think

Answer 8

see him and then you'll know
but finish the relationship you're in now, no matter what happens with the other guy. it's just going to drag like that until it becomes ugly. why would you want that?

Answer 9

Remember why you left him in the firstplace. That reason lies beneath your apparent passion for him. I would don't do it too risky.

Answer 10

U know what? go and be with the man you love deep in your heart! go with your instinct and what your heart tells you...!!! i wish you much happiness =) Bell