Why do nice guys always finish last? Why do women like the "assholes" and complain how they get treated?

Question

I seriously don't get it. I have friends that continually go after the guy i would deem as assholes, they get hurt and come crying to me or another close friend. They don't realize what they deserve and how perfect they are just as they are without any changes. They want a specific guy but they know that that type of guy will mistreat them yet they do it over and over.... why?

Answer 1

Okay here goes. The Good Guys often have no backbone. You can be a good guy and also be strong, Stick to your beliefs and values. Don't be a wuss. Don't always be available. I am a very strong woman but I can't control my husband and that is why our marriage has survived. Be considerate without backing down all the time.

Any girl with a bit experience is looking for a good guy with attitude and back bone

Answer 2

Because Nice Guys always hang back and let the "assholes" get all the girls, cause they havent got the balls to stand up for themselves or what they want and because most nice guys are Nerds, women want a man who is going to act like a man and not sit in front of his computer all day playing Suduko or watching star trek or some sh*t, God forbid you acted like a man and made the first move before the "assholes" got a chance to, but what would people say.......Would you be not so NICE anymore.....

Answer 3

In part the issue here is that the choice is not one made by intellect but by biology. From a purely biological perspective females of most species on the planet (and female humans are no exception) are biologically all about propagating the species. It is inbuilt to seek out the strongest male (on a purely biological assumption that he will be the best breeder) and sadly the traits that communicate strength such as confidence, bravado and drive are also often linked in with the 'jerk' traits like arrogance etc. Obviously I am not saying that societal pressures and free will play no part here. Sure a woman can choose not to go for the jerk, but as the OP observes, so very often they do not. A lot of the time they couldn't even tell you why they found that particular guy so attractive, they just know that they do.

Answer 4

I can't say for sure being one who has always gone for the "nice guys" but my theory is that it is all about confidence, challenge, and ability to settle down. Assholes are confident and if they are in a less than total arrogance way, it's a turn on. The other girls who've responded have a point when they say we don't want someone who will bow down and worship us. Yeah we like to get our way and win a lot, but it can't be winning if there's no battle. Push back sometimes. And finally I think that going for the assholes is just a phase for most girls because they want the rush of a relationship but they're not ready to be with someone with whom they can share a future.

PS- you all complain "nice guys finish last" and all that crap, but you do it to women too. You go after the snotty wenches b/c they're unbelievably gorgeous and then cry to us about how they walk all over you.

Answer 5

There are some women that deep down dont really trust men with their feelings. In order to prove this (subconciously) they will target the abusers, losers etc so that when they get hurt they can tell themselves(see I was right). Its basically because probably the first time they really felt love for someone and gave their trust etc that person failed them or hurt them...so now they are in a cycle to repeat the experience and its very hard to break the cycle. also if your mother had the same sort of relationships then you grow up believing thats the kind thats "normal". again, hard to break that cycle. the best you can do is be the shoulder for them to cry on because trying to make them "see" their problem never gets you anywhere except maybe a loss of a friend.

Answer 6

For a million years, women have instinctively sought the strongest male to mate with. It gave their children a better chance of survival in cave man days. Unfortunately, they still have those survival genes in modern times when a Geek would actually best provide for the children. That means they marry a dominant Type A male, find he is a lousy provider because he would rather be out chasing dinosaurs or lying around under a tree, instead of holding down an 8 to 5 job. They divorce him and start seeking a Type B male to raise the Type A's children. Just wait, your time is coming. The bars are full of 34 yr. old divorcees looking for a man to support and raise their kids. When you reach your mid 30's, you will get to do the picking.

Answer 7

for the same reason men like "bitches".....we complain about how some women can be bitchy but really they are more exciting to be around than just a boring ol nice girl. Women (and men) need balance in their lives. Women want to be treated right but they also want excitement and want to know that the man they're with will protect them...they want to feel safe. Men want a woman that will take care of him in a sweet motherly way... but also know how to keep him in check. We cant respect a girl who is too sweet and is a push-over

Answer 8

If you can come up with a good answer then you could probably write a book and make millions. From what I have seen nice guys are seen as being boring, no excitement for them. Growing up too many of us have lived in families where people are not typical. I have never met anyone whose family would resemble any of the families you see on television. People who come from abusive households tend to find the people who will treat them badly. Have you ever wondered why the Divorce rate is so high in this country? Television seems to have had a large effect on how people tend to relate. People seem to like the drama, why else would shows like Oprah and Jerry Springer have such popularity?

Answer 9

Oh hi there buddy. If you get an answer please let me know as two of the most important friends in my life have this problem. One who finally finally left her ex bf of many years after he went off with her sister but she was mentally scarred as a result. The man was a complete b***ard to her and he STILL would have her back. I mean talk about optimistic. And recently a friend returned to a guy who cheated on her. Both of these women deserved to be treated like the exquisite gems they are and yet this pattern is repeated over and over again. The first one told me she went back to him because she was weak. The second has yet to learn the lesson and I fear for her. Guys who cheat do not change and women who return to guys like that remain one of the mysteries of life to me. I will watch your answers as they come in as maybe there is a gal out there who can tell me why I know so many guys who are just aching to love and cherish someone special and they don't get anything other than baggage and good byes from gals. Depressing.

Answer 10

Well, I think the phenomenon exists on the other side of the spectrum as well. All the good guys I know always end up going for the B*tches and wondering why they are so miserable.

I think it all boils down to going for someone only based on looks and not really caring what they are really like. Not to say that none of the good looking ones are nice guys/girls, but it seems to be a common situation.

I really don't know "why" this happens, but I wish that people would just be kinder to each other over all and that more relationships would work out on the long term. Too many of my friends (myself included) have had a lot of really un-good relationships and it just doesn't do anyone any good.

Answer 11

Different girls are attracted to different things in people.
I'm a nice girl and I'm with a nice guy. I only go for nice guys.
Problem is most of you nice guys set your sights too high and are looking to date some really hot popular girl when it's never going to happen because they're shallow and looking only at the size of your wallet/how good looking you are etc
You need to start looking around at the shy girls or the ones that don't necessarily stand out in the crowd.