I used to sort of be attracted to this guy. One night, at a party, I danced with him and hung out the whole night. We were both drinking. I introduced him to my friend that night and a week later, I found out that he thought my best friend was super hot. I was crushed, because this guy was the first guy I felt something for in a long time and began a period of self-consciousness, feeling ugly, low self-esteem. It was the worst 4 months, lowest point in my life. I felt like he used me that night. It felt like my standards of pretty were all wrong, and I was the ugliest person ever. Finally, a few months ago, he messaged her on myspace to get her screename for AIM, and then they started talking more and more often. As a witness to everything, every step of their relationship was crushing me. it was what I completely DREADED, and it was finally happening.
2007-05-09 18:09:52 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
However, I talked to my other friend, and she told me a group of guys think I’m pretty, but don’t think my friend (the one who the guy thought was hot) was pretty. It was an eye opener for me. Other people had told me that before but I never really thought about it.
And I talked to his good friend, one of my best guy friends, and he told me that the guy told him that he thinks I'm hot. And now, suddenly I'm relieved, happy. And I couldn't care less if my friend and him got together. I’m guessing she just fits the typical Indian standards better with her light skin.
Why am I feeling this way?
2007-05-09 18:10:09 · update #1
You'll find your true worthiness and beauty to be separate from whether or not someone thinks you're attractive. It's not what it's all about and obsessing over it can lead to heartache.
2007-05-09 18:55:35 · answer #1 · answered by WinterBorn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not everyone is alike. He may like her for a feature that you may not have, thus him calling her ''hot''. Not everyone will be considered ''hot'' to everyone else--in fact, some super models have been known to be called ''ugly'' at one point or another. It's cliche, but "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Don't stress too much about how, or what you were feeling. It is normal to want to feel wanted, loved, attractive, etc. It's all a part of growing up and being an individual. Perhaps you wallowed in self-pity because he was a chase for you, not so much a potential bf, but just a chase that you couldnt win over. I'm sure your girl friend is pretty, but some people may disagree. Being attractive doesnt necessarily mean having to be super pretty or hot or beautiful. It also stems from within. If you act ugly, you'll be seen as ugly no matter what.
2007-05-09 18:41:40 · answer #2 · answered by xeternal_heavnx 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel bad about the one night you hung out with this guy.
We all do things we wish we could go back and change. But just because it did not work out with him does not mean you are ugly. You need to work on your self esteem so you will not get crushed by guys. When you feel really good about yourself, you will have more confidence than you have ever had. And the best part about this is you can learn to feel great even if you don't have a boyfriend,. At this age they come and they go! They are fickle and you will get hurt many times if you are insecure about yourself. This will take some work but you can do it! Find something you like to do, make new girl friends,
learn a new Hobie.Guys like girls that are not totally into them. Be choosy, have fun let your personality shine everyday! Keep your faith! You Will be fine.!
2007-05-09 18:56:24 · answer #3 · answered by messenger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, so you realize that different people look good to different people. I have a roomate that is 6'3" and has done some modeling. He has no trouble meeting girls, but he says that some have completely shot him down.
It's weird, huh? The majority of girls like him, but some completely do not. I guess it's sort of like the Angelina Jolie phenomenon. Most people think she is the best-looking woman ever, but to me she is just ordinary, and others think the same way about it.
I, on the other hand, am regarded as generally unattractive. Maybe there is a girl out there that thinks I'm hot, LOL. Even if there is, I'm not willing to sift through 6,000,000,000 people (however many of them are female), just to find her. I'm abouts to give up and just die, LOL.
Now on the other aspect of this dilemma, it sounds like simple jealousy. This is my most-feared emotion. It always hurts, and it's difficult to go to bed with a jealous thought in mind, and you want to work non-stop until you fix it. I have no explanation for this. I don't think even Dr. Phil does. In my philosophy, if an emotion is so strong and bothersome (such as jealousy), only the individual can decide "how far is too far." For me, jealousy rules my life, and it will probably be my demise ultimately.
2007-05-09 18:49:35 · answer #4 · answered by perfectlybaked 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have read that in eastern countries such as India that fairer skin is better. NOT TRUE. This guy took advantage of a situation he was talking to you and then saw a girl that he supposedly liked better. It does not mean that you are ugly or anything it means the guy one was not right for you and 2 he was a jerk. I mean supposed that you two had gone out on dates and one thing lead to another do you really think that he would stay with you once he found someone else that made his other head think(I'm talking about down there if you get my drift) You are worth so much more than people who treat you that way. You will find the "right" one for you. It is not your standards of pretty that are all wrong it is just about what he did to you. If he danced with you and you 2 hung out all night he obviously thought you were pretty enough to do that but his other head suddenly pointed him in another direction that is all. Not all relationships will work out. Now about knowing everything about your friends situation with this guy. Stop. You do not need to know and you do not need to be beating yourself up about it. If you and your friend chat via myspace just don't look at what he says to her. If she tries to tell you tell her you are sorry but you really just don't want to know. Try if you can to understand that she is happy too that someone likes her. You will find the right guy for you it just wasn't this one.
2007-05-09 18:54:12 · answer #5 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think one feels calm and relieved when one accepts a situation. You now accept his interest in your friend, so it doesn't bother you. Also, you have been validated by others as far as attractiveness and desirability go, so that makes you feel better about yourself. All of this is perfectly normal. It seems like you rate yourself and others strictly on physical appearance, though, and that is not all that attracts someone. Perhaps he likes you as a friend, but found many things interesting in the other girl, other than just her appearance. I'm sure that others find more to you also than the way you look. Who can say why one is attracted to another? It might start with looks, but unless there's more there it won't last.
2007-05-09 19:14:19 · answer #6 · answered by LodiTX 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ever decide your self-worth on whether a guy likes you or not! If you do this, you will be on a roller coaster ride for the rest of your life.
The fact is...some guys are going to fall madly in love with you and think you are the most amazing woman in the world. Then there will be other guys who will not be attracted to you.
That's just the way the attraction thing goes. It has absolutely nothing to do with how pretty you are. Don't take it personal.
What a mess this world would be if everyone were attracted to everyone. Can you imagine?!
2007-05-09 18:48:37 · answer #7 · answered by conim2002 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry that you were crushed by the situation.
I think you have to bow out with your friend and the guy you had the crush on.
Look at it this way. You know now that there is absolutely nothing wrong with how you look.
Attraction is an individual thing. And, unfortunately it's not always mutual. Or sometimes it's not enough or the only thing. Your friend and the guy have found something they wanted to develop. Love will happen to you. And, I think you are very lucky you were not already dating the guy when this thing happened.
You will meet someone that thinks you're his world. And, that's the guy you want to be with.
2007-05-09 18:42:06 · answer #8 · answered by 354gr 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course everyone has their own taste. Maybe your friend was more his type, or it could be something else. If all of your friends are telling you how hot you are maybe he was intimidated by you and didn't think he had a chance. I had a friend like that once. She used to get all the guys that I wanted. I felt ugly and unwanted. Then every single guy would later tell me that I was the one that they really wanted but were too afraid that I would reject them. It sucked but I felt better. Now if there is a guy that I like I just let him know. Guess what. I never get rejected.
2007-05-09 18:47:31 · answer #9 · answered by Dezire D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe just maybe the guy that u had a crush on..wasnt actually looking at the physical side of the girl...some men likes a girl even at first meeting by the way she talks the way she smiles how the conversations went..but not exactly on the way she looks....people have their own opinion of being beautiful....it may sound like a cliche but...beauty is in the eye of the beholder...and it is very true even to girls...that what makes other people unique and beautiful....as for u ....it is very normal u felt that way...im guessing becoz ur pretty and people usually notices that..then when finally u met a guy that you like..turns out he is intrested with someone else...give ur friend a break...probably this is her chance to shine..its ok to feel insecure at one moment or so...but u redeemed yourself when other people think your more beautiful..again it goes back to people has their won different taste..imagine a life liking the same thing..it wil be so boring..back to you...just move on..im sure a pretty girl like you wont find it difficult to find someone else..ok?goodluck
2007-05-09 19:20:24 · answer #10 · answered by maldita_sheena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is pretty competitive, and feeling like you lost a competition can be pretty devastating. It is good for you though, because it gave you a chance to think about it, and to realize that both of you are pretty in your own way, and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. No beauty contestant ever got all of the votes, right? Different people find beauty in different things. It was just a little step toward growing up.
2007-05-09 19:17:07 · answer #11 · answered by Lesley M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋