Who should do the talking ?

Question

My husband wants teenager to pay rent.The thing is;is that he wants me to be the one to to tell the teenager.Why should I be the one to have to tell him when it's his fathers idea that he pays rent.who do you think should address the teenager & why ?

Answer 1

Is there more to the story than the question eludes to?

If you are giving your teenager an allowance and the proposed rent is 25% to 33% of the allowance, then I think this is an EXCELLENT idea. It'll help instill that housing costs take a good deal of your money. If fact, while you're at it, go ahead and tax the allowance by another 28%. And, hey.... make sure he pays 1/3 (if he's an only child... change the fraction accordingly) for bills such as food, heating oil, gas, electric, and water.

If you've figured out his budget ahead of time, and he still gets between 15% and 20% of his allowance to play with (e.g. buy his own clothes, go out with friends).... then I think these are incredibly good lessons to be teaching your teen.

What better way to learn about money then under the safety net of your parents home.

If he's not getting an allowance and under 18 with a demand for rent.... then this is just plain mean.

What ever you do.... BOTH you and your husband need to agree on the entire plan before jointly presenting it to your son. If complex like I wrote, make sure you write it down with a sample budget.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Some details are being left out here. Exactly how old is the teen--is he still in high school, a drop-out but working, in college but living at home? Is he paying his own expenses? Are you doing his cooking, cleaning, laundry? Is he, or has he been in trouble with the law/drugs/alcohol? Are you the mother or stepmother?

If he's out of school but working, it wouldn't hurt for him to pay a token amount--it should be less than he'd pay for an apartment, however. It's a good way for him to learn responsibility. If he's a full-time student, maybe his father could adjust his attitude (he does sound a little hard-nosed just from the few facts you've given, but as I said, what don't we know?) and have him do chores around the house to help out--babysitting younger siblings or maybe do the laundry for all of you. He could even clean the house.

If you're the mother, I think you and your husband need to agree first on the conditions and then approach your son together. If your son sees he's created a wedge between you, he'll use that to his advantage--and then that will lead to further problems in the marriage.

If you're the step-mother, it depends on your relationship. It sounds like it's a good one, so then I'd have to say go together. If not, don't get caught in the middle.

I'm sorry I can't give you a more definitive answer. I just feel there's a part of this story we're missing. I don't know if your husband is a demanding tyrant or if your son moved back in with you from his mother's house (if you're the stepmother). There's just something wrong here that I can pinpoint. Sorry.

Answer 3

Telling teenagers anything is a complete waste of time. Telling is useless, really. Having a decent chat or discussion as a family is the better idea here. Teenagers like it when they feel they have come up with an idea themselves.

The most effective way to get a teenager (or a husband) to become more participating members of a talkative family group is to have regular family talks that don't look or feel like regular family talks. Hmmm - how do we do that?

It's not easy if you have not done it from the start, but mealtimes are good, unless you have fallen into the habit of eating alone or while watching TV.

When families get the habit of talking about anything (what's going to happen on Lost, who's going to win the lakers game, why do you think the lawn is dying, where do the other socks go, are there any green martians) they can weave important things like decisions about family things into the conversation and no one gets hurt.

For example, you could be talking about the best way to mend the lock on the bathroom door, and weave in a hint about privacy. You could be talking about how bitter the cherry cake was this time, and weave in about someone eating too much sugar for their own good.

Talk about looking for the wheel brace that used to be in the boot of the car, and weave in leaving things in their place so everyone can find them.

Talk about how effectively mold grows in damp places, how magically biological that is - and weave in talking about leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor.

THEN, you can talk about how people like to share expenses when they live together, just so some of them don't feel resentful that they are giving others a free ride, and you can weave in contributing to the rent.

If you spring it on a teenager, they will never react the way you want it to go. You have to start a long way off, and run a long way, and get lots of momentum. Doesn't matter if they see you coming... they've been doing that since they were ten, and they SO enjoy you talking about martians and breakfast cereal when all you really mean is who lost the key to the shed.

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

I cant beleive all the duplicated moronic answers. I am guessing that the relationship that your husband has with this teenager is that of step father. You dont offer any pertinent information to make an accurate assesment. Just look at all the people assuming that your husband is this childs father and that this child is still in school. Ultimately I dont agree with charging rent to your own children but I do agree with my parents senitment on the matter. We were told even after our teenage years. That we had a place to live so long as we were either working full time or in school full time. There was also a stipulation that after college age we would be expected to contribute to the household financially if we remained at home. If your child has taken it upon himself that he no longer wants to go to school and get a free education then he should be out working full time. I would be surprised if he could find a job. I think your husband would be justified for expecting contribution to the household. Basically enough to cover the expenses the teenager creates (food, energy and cleaning.) Boarding houses do this for a room at around a hundred dollars a week. Thats a fair real world situation. It is unfair of your husband to drag you into the middle of this issue he is having with your teenager. If he wants your teen to know what its like to be an adult then he should act like one as well. Your husbands idea should be enacted by your husband. I suggest telling him how you feel about it and then telling him you will back him up IF your husband tells your teenager that he has to pay rent and what for.

On the flip side if your child is under the age of 18 and still in school he is well with in his rights to claim child abuse. DYS would take the threat of making your child pay rent very seriously and would even treat it as abuse. While you are related to the two parties in this issue it really isnt something you should be in the middle of unless you agree that your child should pay expenses.

Answer 5

Your talking about adult issues here. Depends on how old the teenager is. Is the teenager 18 or 19 years old? The issue should be discussed among all of the family members involved. Both parents and the teenager should sit down and have an adult to adult conversation as to why the monies should be forth coming.......is it because the teenager has graduated or not in school any longer, or not working. If this is the case the teenager does need to contribute to the household.

Answer 6

It would depend on the age of the teenager as to whether or not it would even be legal; if the child is under 18 and still in high school the child to go to a guidance counselor or CPS and file a complaint and he would be put into either a foster or group home until he is of age and you and your husband could possibly be criminally charged.

If the teen is out of high school and over the age of 18, as the father is the one that wants the teen to pay rent, it should be his responsibility to come to an agreement with the teen on the rent, unless you wholeheartedly agree with hubby and want to act as his liason.

Answer 7

You and your husband should sit down together and talk to your teenager. Can he afford to pay something? Do you have a budget worked out with him?When will this start? These are
issues that have to be discussed together and agreed upon
before you sit down and talk to him. If he can't pay a lot right now , can he help out around the house or yard? The two of you have to agree on these issues as a team, otherwise you
will be in the middle. Good Luck!

Answer 8

You both need to say it. You both should practice what you're gonna say, then sit the kid down and talk with him/her.
If teen thinks you're a softy, he/she will turn to you with excuses why they cannot pay on time or the full amount etc. which will bring you more stress and can add more stress to your relationship with hubby.
Even if it's not your idea, act like it is just as much yours as it is your husbands because bottom line, this is what the two of you have agreed and this is how it's gonna be so it doesn't matter who's idea it was.

I just read everybody's responces.... If my kids are working, they will be paying rent. What they dont know is that the rent money will be going into a savings account to give them a nest egg that they cant spend unwisely. Most people do spend money very unwisely when they're just starting out on their own. Most people do go running to mommy and daddy for help at some point... so your kid would unknowingly be drawing from their own savings to bail them out instead of yours. So what??

Answer 9

Hopefully, both of you discussed this. It sounds to me like he wants the rent to be paid, you don't. I believe that the two of you need to talk to the teen together. Whatever your reasons are, this is a big decision and it will cause nothing but trouble if the two of you don't at least look like you both feel that rent should be paid. Since you two don't (seem to) agree on the child paying rent, maybe you can come up with some "rental agreement terms" together. Maybe, if the child can show some responsibility in other areas, you can deviate from the rent amount or give the kid a few more freedoms. I dunno, I guess I'm trying to say that whatever you guys choose to do, it needs to be done together or it won't work.

Answer 10

So i see that he wants to have this teenager have a feel of some responsibilities...doesnt sound bad at all...but just dont be too harsh on the boy...make him pay rent, but dont go overboard with the fee...a little something wont hurt the boy to become a little more responsible and learn how to manage money if he currently works...

Now answering your question...i think that he should do the talking...he's the one that came up with the idea...make him tell his own son what he thinks and what his ideas are about him making him pay rent and such...

You might feel some pressure thinking about what to say to your son (if thats who we're speaking of) but it wouldnt be so bad if you would talk to your son either...you can tell him the way your husband came about this idea...and that its not that you guys want to get hard on him or anything, but that it would bring out some good in him...it would basically benifit him...

well good luck my dear!