OK, here's the story........my husband's mother loves to spend as much time with my 2 daughters as possible. She wants them to spend the night w/ her as often as possible. My oldest daughter is from a previous marriage, so she goes to her dad's every other weekend and 1/2 the summer. Because of this, she doesn't get to spend as much time w/ grama that my youngest daughter does. So she doesn't know her as well and sometimes feels uncomfortable around her. (Keep in mind, I've been remarried for 7 yrs) Last summer daughter #2 went to grama's all the time w/out sister. I said this summer my youngest isn't going w/out the oldest, because it isn't fair that one gets so much time w/ grama and the other doesn't. But is it fair to limit daughter # 2's time w/ grama just because daughter # 1 can't go as much? And I think the more time daughter # 1 spends with grama she will get to know her better and then be fine. But in the mean time, she doesn't want to go. Should I make her?
2007-05-09 16:22:21 · 10 answers · asked by Tatem 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm not sure how old your oldest daughter is but if she doesn't want to go then I wouldn't force her because then she will resent the time she goes to her Grandma's and she will resent you in the process.
I don't think it is fair to tack on the condition that your youngest doesn't go without the oldest. By allowing the youngest to go, SHE will be the one to tell your oldest daughter how great her grandma is. Sisters tend to listen to each other instead of listening to good ol mom.
If I were in your position, I would have a conversation with your daughter on why she is reluctant to go to Grandma's place. What is it that makes her uncomfortable around the grandma?
If I had to guesstimate, I would say that your daughter's uneasiness is tied into the fact that THIS Grandma is your present husband's mother and she may feel some guilt around your divorce with her father. If she goes and has a great time does this mean she is not loyal to her dad's mom (her other grandma)? This is a question that I'm sure is probably roaming around in her head and only she can answer it and work through it.
Exposing her bit by bit will help her ease her uncomfortableness. You might want to invite Grandma over more often for dinner or lunches so that your oldest daughter can see this Grandma in a non-threatening way.
Afterall, if she was to spend time with this Grandma this summer it would be by herself and her sister and what would she have in common with this old lady (this is again, I would speculate, your child's line of thinking)?
2007-05-09 16:42:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's understandable that your oldest daughter isn't as comfortable as the youngest when it comes to visiting the grandmother. Instead of pushing her to spend the night maybe work up to that by having a day out with your daughter's and the grandmother. Then when your daughter seems to feel a little more comfortable have her go out for a day with just her grandmother and youngest daughter til she feels ok with being alone with her. Once your daughter gets to that level then she will want to spend the night or even days at her grandmother's house.
I don't think it's necessary to limit your youngest daughter's time with her grandmother as long as your oldest daughter realizes that it's because she's more comfortable with spending alone time with her and not because of favoritism.
2007-05-09 23:48:33 · answer #2 · answered by Lwood 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should let daughter #2 go and spend the summer with her grandmother.
I would let daughter #1 either spend the time with her dad, or doing something appropriate for her age. Don't make her spend unsupervised time with someone she isn't comfortable with. I mean by supervision, an adult member of your family she does feel close to. This avoids feelings she doesn't want the grandmother, in addition to the step dad, and gives her own perspective for her own family.
Never push daughter #1 to accept the second husband. He will never take her father's place and you don't want it screamed at you. Especially the enjoyable summer months, let her enjoy these. Thank you.
2007-05-10 00:07:25 · answer #3 · answered by Marissa Di 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The relationship that is between grandma and your daughters/her granddaughters is not your relationship to dictate unless you want to be seen as a dictator. Your marriage is your marriage ...it has nothing to do with the relationship your daughters share with a grandmother who enjoys spending loving time with them.
2007-05-10 00:24:59 · answer #4 · answered by GoodQuestion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that you should not force her to do this, as time go
on and she get a lot older then she may want to spent
more time with her.. maybe you can get both girl to
see there grandmother at the same time. if if they can
do as often.
2007-05-10 00:24:20 · answer #5 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should make any kid spend time with someone they don't want to spend time with. Even if it is a relative.
2007-05-10 06:18:18 · answer #6 · answered by Shawn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never said ages, but no, I wouldn't make my daughter go.
2007-05-10 00:45:06 · answer #7 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
compromise or explain to her how grandma feels....... You do not tell the ages so it is hard to know what to suggest....... but I can say, stopping the one that wants to go from going is a bad mistake........ and NOT fair........ God bless
2007-05-09 23:58:48 · answer #8 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no
2007-05-10 00:21:07 · answer #9 · answered by sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO.
2007-05-10 00:17:45 · answer #10 · answered by serenitykeeper 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋