We only just got engaged and are already streesing about have both sets of parents, who are both divorced and have step parents, all in one room. Most havent spoken in over 10 years. We really want everyone there but are really concerned where to sit everyone, i will be stressing that no arguements or bitching start. Any suggestions, or previous experiences i can learn from???
2007-05-09 15:40:30 · 12 answers · asked by danka438 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just don't sit them all at one table. Sit a set at four different tables with friends and family around them and that should eliminate a lot of the drama right there. If any of them chooses to be rude at that point I apologize but you'll just have to ask them to leave.
2007-05-09 16:36:13 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would sit them all down, either seperate or together, upt o you to decide, and talk to them! Be straightforward with them! Tell them that you really want them to be a part of your day, but that this day is not about them, so if they don't feelt hat they can get along, then don't come. Tell them you love them, and hope that they can be adults about it, but if they aren't sure then you politely ask them not to come at all!
Hopefully they will see that your aren't playing around, you are serious and they will be able to rise to the occasion and act like the adults they are!
But you have to be straightforward with them from the start and stick to it! It would be better if you could have them together when you said it, simply so they both know they were both told the same thing, and you can treat it as a "test run" for the big day!
I have a friend who was in this position and after the talk they told them they would be seated at the same table and they didn't want one cross word or bad look, if so they would be asked to leave by the new son in laws parents. All of the groomsmen were on the lookout as well as the new inlaws, and guess what! They rose to the occasion just as they had hoped and everything went well! BUT! It was because they were straightforward and honest! And, they were willing to let them stay at home if they couldn't act right!
Afterall, if they love you and want your day to be perfect, then they can put aside any harsh feelings for a few hours!
Good luck and congrats!
2007-05-09 23:59:46 · answer #2 · answered by jen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, talk them all individually. Let them know that you understand their feelings toward each other, and while you are not asking them to change their feelings, you would appreciate if they just kept them to themselves for the wedding. You don't want any scenes or drama. Tell them you are prepared to be as accomodating as possible on the seating arrangements, so they are not in close contact with the other people, so you ask them to respect your wishes to have a drama-free day in return. They will most likely all agree to this.
Now, once they get there and see the other people, they may get emotional or angry or whatever. I have found in my experience (16yrs) as a wedding planner and coordinator that having me there, as a stranger, puts people on their better or best behavior. They don't want to "show out" in front of me, so they squash the drama before it starts.
If you can afford to hire a reputable planner or even just coordinator in your area, this may help! That person can run the rehearsal and ceremony and dictate how much interaction they really have with each other and with you. That way you do not have to deal with it or be the bad guy.
2007-05-10 11:25:32 · answer #3 · answered by valschmal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, try to seat them at seperate tables, but also as fairly as possible. Maybe rotate between grooms parent and bride's parent so no particular parents are next to each other.
Then, if you are afraid of how they will behave, have a sit down talk with them. Try to do it when they are happy. Explain to them that it is your day, and your wedding (and having it run smoothly) is very important to you. Tell them that this is the one day that you need them to put their feelings aside so that you can have a nice wedding.
If your parents got into a fight, it would destroy your memory of the wedding forever, and you will never get a second chance. The wedding should revolve around you, not ex spouses.
Tell them that if the ex spouse instigates, they need to ignore it, if necessary they need to stop talking and walk away.
Also, explain to them that if they had a bad time, they need to keep it to themselves on the wedding day (so their complaining doesbn't ruin your memory). After your wedding, when you are more comfortable, give them a day when they can vent if necessary.
Good luck!
2007-05-09 23:23:28 · answer #4 · answered by hellolacey 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had this problem it was the grandparents and my husbands mother and her husbands parents they all hated each other!
I was stressing majorly but i just sat them at opposite ends of the room all as far away as possible and made it clear to everyone coming that i didnt give a **** about what they all thought the day was not about them, it had nothing to do with why they all hated each other, so i dont care what they do after the wedding but at the ceremony and reception, if they argued i wouldnt hesitate to kick them out.
Everything was pretty clear and the night went smooth.
2007-05-09 23:29:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's different if you are having a formal, sit down dinner (I want to have a buffet style at my wedding) but at my wedding, I'm not going to assign seats. I'm going to let people sit wherever they feel like sitting once they get there. Maybe you could try that? That way the stress is off you and they can figure it out for themselves once they get there! I know many of people who were offended by seating assignments they were given at a wedding, so I think people just want to mingle and sit where they choose. Just a thought!
2007-05-09 23:14:41 · answer #6 · answered by KT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Surely your parents are mature enough to behave in public at their beloved child's wedding. That being, you will be having 4 parent's tables Let each of your parents tell you who they want to sit at their table. Make sure that everyone knows you expect them to be on their best behavior. It is not relevant that they don't speak to one another. They don't have to speak to one another now, in fact if they can't be civil at what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, it would be better if they don't speak at all. Good luck. You might want to print out this question and give a copy to everyone involved.
2007-05-09 23:04:29 · answer #7 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure they are sitted away from each other one set of hers and yours one side and the other set on the other side. They really do owe you respect enough to make in one room together until atl east the reception is over with. Keep their involement to a minium so one has to interact with each other and no one get jealous. The x's at my wedding didn't have to be told to stay away from each other they chose too.
2007-05-10 01:02:14 · answer #8 · answered by CaseyK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can try sitting them at different tables. Your Mom & her husband can sit in one table with your stepdad's family, and your dad & his wife can sit at another table with yours or your stepmom's family (or both). You can try the same system for your hubby-to-be's side as well. But be sure to arrange the tables so that they are close to each other, for mingling purposes. Good Luck!
2007-05-09 22:51:52 · answer #9 · answered by xeternal_heavnx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sit the parents wherever you think it will cause less confusion.
Sit the Father with his new family....and the Mother with her new family.
Make sure the tables are equally close to the Bride &
Groom's table.
2007-05-09 22:50:24 · answer #10 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋