I am getting married this June, and my future mother-in-law is driving me nuts. I know she is just trying to be helpful, but she keeps trying to put all her ideas on me about what she thinks about how the wedding should be. She wants to decorate the reception and I can't get her to understand that is what we are paying the people at the place to do. That is not the only thing that is bothering me it just seems like she is planning her own wedding at times. so I am just so annoyed with all her ideas. My future husband if he says anything she gets mad at him for a couple of weeks. What should I do.
2007-05-09 15:08:22 · 21 answers · asked by SUZANNA J 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Better she want to be involved (even if she is driving you nuts) than trying to stop the wedding. She's a woman and instinctively wants to help. If she doesn't have a daughter, this desire to help plan the perfect wedding will be especaiily strong! For every suggestion she makes, simply say "thank you for the suggestion, we'll take it into consideration" and other phrases of the like. Delegate a couple small tasks to her that can't possibly be screwed up so she feels part of the event (making the wedding favors with you, etc.). If she feels included, she's less likely to interject in everything. Best of luck. It is frustrating, but it could be worse - she could hate you and think you're not good enough for her precious boy!
2007-05-09 15:14:42 · answer #1 · answered by Baby boy arrived March 7th! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try giving her a special task, like helping with the wedding favors. Ask her for her input, and ask her to give you ideas and/or suggestions. When she does, tell her that you will keep her suggestions in mind, but you may or may not use them. This will make her feel as if her input is important, but the ball will be in your court whether or not to use them. And if she is still giving you a hard time, sit her down and talk to her. Let her know that though you appreciate her input/suggestions, the way she is giving them to you is making you more stressed than neccessary. Let her know that you love your husband, and though you think many of her ideas are great, the wedding details are alreayd set and there is nothing you can do to change it (a white lie wont hurt here). If this does not work, ask her out to lunch and have her talk up a storm about the wedding, her thoughts, ideas, etc. Perhaps after this, she will have nothing left to say. Good Luck!
2007-05-09 15:27:52 · answer #2 · answered by xeternal_heavnx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your wedding don't get run out. My gf let her mom and aunt run the show and it was aweful and the mother in law didn't get her way and showed her butt too. I told my gf that she should have spoke up from the start and put a end to all of it. The wedding was nothing what she wanted and everyone was mad. maybe step on sometoes. don't be too harsh but tell her, your excited about joining her and the family and getting to know her. Then tell her you like her ideas and everything, but you have had these ideas about your special day for years in your head and now you want to see them and you are planning to have only one wedding in your life and that is the wedding to marry her son. If that don't work then you may just have to be rude, just make sure you and your bf is on the same page and feels the same.
2007-05-09 17:47:14 · answer #3 · answered by CaseyK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As there is people who are doing the decorating for the reception, ask her to do something else, ie decorate the place where people can put the cards, or make a special collage with photographs of you and you fiance through the years for people to see. She maybe feeling that as the mother of the groom, she has no place in your wedding. This may make her feel important and get her off your back.
2007-05-09 15:22:07 · answer #4 · answered by Mickey M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you all need to have an intervention with the mother in-law. Just explain to her that while you are thankful that they are paying for the wedding, it is still your sister and her son's. And it is so unfair that they basically have no say so in their own wedding. When she plays the victim card just explain to her that you all are trying to take her feelings into consideration but it is getting tired. It seems that she is the type that you have to be firm with, she won't break even if she makes you think she will. Please don't give up being the matron of honor do for your sister she really needs every ally she can get right now. Just talk to the mother in-law and put it all out on the table. Good luck:)
2016-05-19 03:59:02 · answer #5 · answered by pearle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mothers of the groom feel left out of the planning process and that is why they act this way. I'm not saying she is justified in it, I am just telling you why she's doing it. Even perfectly lovely women turn into crazed lunatics when their sons get married.
First, when she tells you her ideas, listen and then tell her this: "Thanks so much for your input! John and I will take that under advisement". This tells her you appreciate her ideas (even if you don't), but it does not commit you to using them.
Second, if you are worried she will show up at the reception hall and start taking over the decor, find her something else to do! Assign her a task for that time so she can't be at the hall! Put an aunt or b'maid or somebody on her trail, with other busy work! Make up something if you have to! If she feels like you really need her to do something else, and you come to her and ask her to please help you with this, she will do it!
Third, it may be that your fiance just has to deal with her being mad at him for a few weeks! If he has to stand up to her,then too bad, so sad! You are his new priority; his new family! He has to start choosing you over his mother or your marriage will be in trouble!
Oh, if you have a planner or coordinator, let them boss mom around and let them be the bad guy, not you!
2007-05-10 04:33:29 · answer #6 · answered by valschmal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too have a forceful mother-in-law! I feel your pain! I would suggest that you should pick your battles. Give her a list of things that she can do for you, and that will make her feel like she is being a big help. Give her a list of people to call for confirmations on the reception, flowers, caterers, and so forth. The more you make her feel useful (even if it is just busy work), the more you can relax and focus on your big day. She means well, but she obviously doesn't understand that she is stressing you out. Maybe you two should go get pedicures together and you can "girl talk" about you needing her to back off. I have been stuck with mine for 13 years! Remember, this is YOUR day, make her realize it! Congratulations, and Good Luck!
2007-05-09 15:41:59 · answer #7 · answered by Trixie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you totally. I'm getting married in August and my future mother in law was calling non stop wanting to "help" and driving me crazy when i started planning. And like you, my fiance didn't want to say anything to his dear mommy because most men are too afraid to stand up to their moms.
The way i handled the 'situation' was i just sat her down an said how i really appreciated that she wanted to help me with all the planning and that i was glad she was willing to help. That i had a handle on most of the planning and that she should just relax and enjoy the wedding as a guest. That my i had everything handled and how if i needed any help i'd be sure to call her. But for now i was good and didn't need help.
My mother in law got the hint from that, but if yours doesn't i'd just say politely that you're maid of honor and mother are giving you way more support than needed and that you'd like her to please relax. That you're paying people to take care of details an that you have your own ideas of what YOUR wedding should be like. That although you appreciate her ideas you have plenty of your own and seeing as how it's a mth away you're all set on extra hands in the cookie jar.
Good Luck and congrats on the wedding! Just remember, she only means well and it's your day, don't be afraid to tell her what YOU want on your day. And just relax. It will all be over soon.
2007-05-09 15:21:39 · answer #8 · answered by Dawnwalker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I'd ignore her. Keep her out of the loop as far as wedding planning goes. Make sure all vendors that YOU have hired understand that no one is allowed to make any changes to any orders without consulting with YOU first.
You also need to get over being annoyed with her. She's excited for your wedding as well. Hopefully she's going to be in your life for a long time, you don't want to be known as the shrew daughter in law. This woman will one day be "grandma" to your children, so be nice, polite and kind always with her. You don't have to love her and be her best friend, but make nice. It makes life so much easier when you do.
2007-05-09 15:31:34 · answer #9 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All of the above answers offer helpful information. I would just add that the parents of the groom do generally have some responsibilities of their own that should keep her busy. Aren't they hosting the rehearsal dinner as has become usual? She can make sure her son and his groomsmen get fitted for their tuxedos in a timely manner. She can assist the Best Man with some of his responsibilities. She can help her son choose appropriate gifts for his groomsmen. There is plenty to do on both sides of family.
Do try your best to be kind, and even appreciative, toward her as she is now a big part of your life.
2007-05-09 15:47:03 · answer #10 · answered by Tom K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋