My mother wont respect my wishes.....help?

Question

My mother is driving me crazy about wanting to come in and see the sono when I have the next one. The room is really small. There's only one chair...and my husband really likes just going the two of us. But my mother doesn't understand and wont let it go. She bugs me everytime I see her about it...which really doesn't want to make me change my mind. And she cried and told my dad that I must not love her because I won't let her come to the sono. Isn't good enough I'm going to let her be present in the birthing room? Shouldn't that be enough? What do I say..or what do I do?

Answer 1

Your Mother wants to be a part of this special time - she's not trying to take anything away from your husband by wanting to be in the room during the sonogram. Please allow her to experience seeing her grandchild in utero -- it will be something she will never forget! I know the rooms are small - you can fit one more person (Mom) if you really want to!

Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy and delivery!

Answer 2

My mom never went to any of my sonos but was in the labor room. It was never an option. We told her very early on that we would get a tape and pictures and we had a little party afterward at her house so we could all watch it together.

If you put it on the doc instead of you she'll probably back off a lot too!

I also liked the suggestion to take her to another sono (like a non medical one) maybe a 3D or even just a reg. one that she can help pay for. Usually these places have rooms big enough to cram the whole family into and since it's not for medical reasons the mood is light and fun. (These places usually offer reg. sonos... not just 3D ones at a much more affordable price!)

But overall she'll let it go and get over it in time for delivery and soon you'll both be holding that baby and you'll have forgotten that it was ever even an issue.

Have fun!!

Answer 3

I know she's excited, but she's being completely unreasonable. Unless you've already told her contrary information, you could just say that the doctor's office will only let one person accompany you into the room, and that the one person will be your husband, because it is his child also.

Perhaps if there will be more than one U/S, you could let her come for the second one, or something.

Personally, I did let whoever wanted (my boyfriend, his mom, and his sister) come to the BIG sono (the one where they can tell the gender), but I agree with you. It is quite enough to be allowed into the birth room. It is not her child, it is your's and your husbands and she needs to back off and respect that.

Answer 4

This one is tricky. I can see both sides. It's a special thing for both the father and the grandmother to want to be part of. Ultimately it is your decision of course, but try to let her know that it isn't personal in any way, just something special you want to share with your husband, and him alone. Make her know that she is still an important part of your life, as well as in the life of the baby, and that you wouldn't have it any other way. Remind her that being in the delivery room is where you will need her most. Check with your OBGYN, sometimes you can get a videotape of the sonogram, and you could make her a copy. Maybe copy the picture you get and frame it nicely for her? Either way, now is not the time for you to be stressed, after all, whatever you feel also affects your baby, so do what you have to do to relax! Good luck, and congrats!

Answer 5

Just try to be honest with your mother. Let her know that the room is small and the space is limited. Let her know that it's nothing against her, but you want your baby's father to be there. Reassure her that you do love her and want to keep her as part of this experience. Try to make a compromise with her, most places will videotape or digitally record your ultrasound for you. See if you can get a copy of your ultrasound and offer to let her be the first person to view that. Also, reassure her that you really want her at your side when your child is born and that's when her presence will really matter. Good luck!

Answer 6

Oh my goodness.. if she's like that, just to get into the sono, what's she going to pull when you get into the birthing room? When our first granddaughter was born, there was a crowd in the labor and delivery room, myself included, and I was just the stepfather, but, step said it was fine, she wanted me there.. even though it had only been a year since I met them.. I'm so proud that she let me be there, because I had been married three times, and all my wives had their kids before I married them, soooo, that was the only one I've gotten to see through to the actual delivery..
How many sono's have you had? Since you said 'the next one', I assume more than one.. if hubby was there for the first one, the one I consider the most important, then maybe you should let her slide on this one, but, hammer down on the next, if your doctor decides you need another one.

Answer 7

As a new grandmother, maybe I can give you some insight into what your mom is really asking of you. You are her baby and you are now having a baby. She is excited at the prospect of this new phase in your life and wants to share in your joy. She also needs to feel that she still is important in your life. I know that this is a time that you and your husband want and need to share with each other, but my advice is to allow your Mom to cram into the room and share in the moment, too, at least once. This is a time of joy not just for you and hubby, but for the whole family as well. From the tone of your post it seems that you view this as an imposition on you and hubby, but in the long run, it will help you all to form a closer relationship. Congrats on the decision to allow Mom into the birthing room! And congrats on the new addition to your family.

Answer 8

if this is ur first child then i would say she is just really wanting to be there for u and to feel involved id say let her go to one she just wants to be there for the experience besided sonos dont take that long so id say take a deep breath bite ur tounge and let her in the room but make it clear to her from then on out it will be just u and ur hubby but that u understand she just wants to be there for u during this well good luck and i know how u feel and congratulations

Answer 9

Explain to your mom that the room is very small. Invite her along to the appointment, to wait in the waiting room. Tell her in a very excited voice, that she will be the first to see the sonogram pictures. If she can't respect your wishes, don't worry about it. You just can't make everyone happy, when your pregnant. And after the baby is here, I'm sure she'll forget all about the sonogram.

Answer 10

I guess she did not get to see one when she was having you, so she must feel left out. She should realize that is some thing that really belongs to you and your husband and she should let you two have your moment with doing your sonogram.
Maybe if she sees the answers to your question she'll get the idea and drop asking.
Good luck.

Answer 11

Sounds like you are an only daughter.

Try to be kind, you might be in the same position in 20 or 25 years.

Try this tack and see if it works. Tell her:

"Mama I love you and wish there was room for you to be in the sono room, but there is not. It is very important to my husband to be there, it is important to him, and to me. Please try to understand. It is your grandchild, but it is his child. And another person in the room would cause problems for the sonogram."

Use a polite, but firm voice. Don't yell. If she starts hysterics, remain as calm and as unruffled as possible. Act like a Mother.

Good Luck.

Doc