tell me some hollarious jokes please!!
2007-05-09 13:03:12 · 16 answers · asked by Garrett H 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Yes i have some good ones for you and i hope you love them all. Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?
A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
Q. How does a blonde part their hair?
A. By doing the splits.
Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing, they haven't met!
Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.
Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme
Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!
Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A. They chip their teeth.
Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A. Fertilized
Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A. More headroom
Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob?
A. Because everyone gets a turn.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets!
Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes
Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A. An airbag.
Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day?
A. She has a tampon tucked under her ear and she can't find her pencil.
Q. What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
A. They both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A. Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board.
Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for chips.
Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes ***?
A. Brain tumor.
Q. Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A. So she can have a doggie bag for later.
Q. How would a blonde punctuate the following: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry....
Q. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A. Because they both drip when they're ******!
Q. What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A. "Way to go team!"
Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A. FULL
Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q. Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
A. So she could lip read.
Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A. You get to park in the handicap zone.
Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been in a 747?
Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.
Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q. What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
A. Artificial intelligence.
Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath.
Q. What do blondes and cow **** have in common?
A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Q. How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
A. She opens the car door.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A. When you smack the mosquito it stops sucking!!
Q. What does a blonde say the last two words of the national anthem are?
A. Play ball!
Q. What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.
Q. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A. Cause it said concentrate.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A. They know how many went down on the Titanic.
Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.
Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.
Q. What is a brunette between two blondes?
A. An interpreter.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A. The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money?
A. She sold her car for it...
Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A. "Are you sure it's mine?"
Q. Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons?
A. Because they have blond boyfriends
Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up
Q. What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?
A. Get'em on their back and their both ******.
Q. What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A. A ******** with handlebars
Q. What do you call a blond with a brain?
A. A golden retriever.
Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet?
A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.
Q. How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.
Q. What do you call a room full of blondes with PMS and yeast infections?
A. A wine and cheese party!
Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?
A. It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.
Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the banana peel on the floor?
A. Oh no, I'm going to fall again!
Q. How can you tell a blonde has used your computer?
A. There is white out on the screen.
Q. Why are blondes like 7-Eleven stores?
A. Open 24 hours a day.
Q. Why did the blonde throw bread crumbs down the toilet?
A. To feed the toilet duck!
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a pair of sun glasses?
A. The sun glasses sit higher on your face.
Q. Why do blondes always drink with straws?
A. Practice.
Q. Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A. To cover the valve stem.
Q. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A. It takes too long to retrain them.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A. The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q. How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
A. They spread for the bread.
Q. What's the difference between a group of blondes and a good magician?
A. The magician has a cunning array of stunts.
2007-05-09 14:10:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
A man on vacation in Spain goes into a restaurant and immediately encounters a delicious aroma. He figures out it's coming from a dish being served to a man near him and so he calls the waiter and asks, "What is that man over there eating? It smells great!" The waiter says, "Those are the bull testicles from the bullfight this morning, Senor." The man is a little taken aback at this, but orders them nevertheless, and sure enough, they're delicious. He comes back the next day and orders the same thing. He finds it as good as before, but is a little disappointed by the skimpy size of the dish. So he calls the waiter over again and complains, "it was still good, but you didn't give me very much!" The waiter replies, "Si, Senor, sometimes the bull wins."
2016-05-19 03:04:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three women are stranded after their car breaks down in the desert. One is a brunette,the other redhead,and the third a Blondie. the brunette drains the radiator a says I'll need the water if I get thirsty and walks away. The redhead takes the front seat and says I'll need the seat if I get tired and walks away. The Blondie takes the door off and says I'm taking the door so I can roll the window down when I get hot.
2007-05-09 13:18:56 · answer #3 · answered by setfree 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I made this one up on the way to the subway. A man is driving along the countryside, and then he runs over a deer. A police car comes and makes him pull over. The police officer gets out of his car, walks up to the man and says, "Did you know that you just ran over a deer?" "Yes." the man replied. "Erm...... ok. Did you know that it's against the law to run over wildlife here in the countryside with no particularly reason?" "Yes." "Ok sir, I'm going to have to know who you are, where you're from, and why you ran over that deer." The man said,"I'm a construction worker from Massechusetts, and I was told that I had to make some new speed bumps along this road."
=D What do you think?
2007-05-09 13:20:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Catholic Girls
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish.
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the
first girl, "Tiffany,
have you ever had any contact with a male organ?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with
the tip of my fingers.
St. Peter says, "Okay, dip the tips of your fingers in the Holy Water and
pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had
any contact with a
male organ?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and
stroked one."
St. Peter says, "Okay dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through
the gate."
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl
is pushing her way
to the front of the line.
When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, "Paula! What seems to be the
rush?"
The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to
do it before Jessica
sticks her *** in it." !!!!!!
A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in
the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30
minutes.The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a
ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks? "I'm going to
put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and
knock
the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls
off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The
bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the
back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner."What's the shotgun for?" asks
the homeowner. "If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
Brokeback Bar
A cowboy walks into a bar and realizes it's a gay bar.
But what the heck, he says to himself, "I can really use a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your weewee?"
The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that, all I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your weewee. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It,' and that guy down at the end of the bar calls his,
Snickers, because it really 'Satisfies.'"
The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?"
The man looks back and says with a smile "Timex," and the thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fellas on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?"
The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because Quality is Job One." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"
The guy nex t to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY, 'Like A Rock.'" and gives a wink.
Even more shaken the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name. He exclaims, "The name of my weewee is 'SECRET.' Now give me a beer."
The bartender begins to pour the Cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asked, "Why Secret?"
The cowboy says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN."
Should children witness childbirth?
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to
the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked
Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her
mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
Mommy pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor
was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and
spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked
the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she
had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there
In the first place......smack his *** again!"
2007-05-09 14:28:06 · answer #5 · answered by sissy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a monkey and hyenna were best friends, they made an agreement that if any large animals came around they would back each other up. they were walking throught the jungle and a lion tiger jumped out onto the hyenna, the monkey ran up a tree. the tiger beat the crap out of the hyenna and walked away. the monkey came down out of the tree and walked up to his hyenna friend. the hyenna was laying there and said,,,i thought we had an agreement,,,,,,the monkey said we did, but by the way you were laughing, i thought you were getting the best of him. hehe
2007-05-09 13:10:04 · answer #6 · answered by Bend Them Strings 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
* she called me to get my phone number.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she tried to drown a fish.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she tripped over a cordless phone.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*she studied for a blood test.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
2007-05-09 13:10:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have 9 jokes for you! Go read all the "questions" I have posted. =]
2007-05-09 13:30:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have one. I don't know if it's good but whatever!
What do game boys and Michael Jackson have in common?
Answer: both made of plastic and turned on by boys!
2007-05-09 13:10:26 · answer #9 · answered by Miss V. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
2 peanuts are walking down the street, and one gets asssaulted!!!! (HAHA like a salted peanut!!)
2007-05-09 13:10:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋