I am tired of the tantrums....?

Question

I am tired of them, what are ways I can make my son stop these or at least have fewer ones.

If we don't give into him, he screams and throws himself back sometimes hurting himself (BTW we don't give in, we let him throw his fit). I have had enough what can I try?

He is 15 months old, I have thought about time out, but where? How do I punish a child so young?

Answer 1

At 15 months, you can't just ignore him while he throws a fit, you have to restrain him. Do not hurt him, but do restrain him. I find that gravity helps, especially when you restrain him with you on top and his back to the ground. Do this EVERY TIME he throws a tantrum, even in public. Kiss him and love him, show no anger but do show understanding and empathy. You are teaching him control by showing him control, so never lose your temper. You'd be amazed at how fast his behavior changes.

Answer 2

As a former nanny (on and off) of 13 years, I agree with placing him in a play pen (or somewhere safe) and letting him scream it out until he is done. Just make sure you don't look at him because attention will feed his fit! I've gone through this with many, many toddlers. I have even stepped over a screaming toddler and walked into the other room. After awhile the little boy stopped because I wouldn't feed his fit with attention. Sometimes they will throw fits even if you aren't watching but they really do get better with time. I would NOT suggest slapping the hand of this child either! Good luck! I know how tough it can be!

Answer 3

Kids unfortunately go through this. Talk to him like a person and not a child. They catch on, surprisingly, after some time. Ignore him, don't even look at him. If you act like what he's doing doesn't phase you and you are having a good time he might see that he's acting silly. He doesn't want to leave the store w/ you--- that's ok, you'll go home by yourself. He doesn't want to eat his banana--- he can just sit in his high-chair until he's done throwing a fit, but the bananas aren't going anywhere. It's easier to do this at home because people are so afraid of looking like a bad parent. People think you're just ignoring your kid, but they have a good point--- maybe you are ignoring your kid (inadvertantly). Maybe he's trying to tell you something and you're just not getting it. I saw a woman in the store w/ her 2 yr old girl in the cart and while the mother was looking at clothes her daughter was saying she was thirsty and wanted juice. The mom kept right on shopping and didn't really say much besides "sit still" and "mm-hm" so the daughter started kicking a box in the basket. Do I blame her? Actually, not really. The mother wasn't listening to her. At 2 what else do you do? You try and then throw a fit lol

Answer 4

Somehow your son is being rewarded by throwing his tantrums or he wouldn't continue. I am a mother of 2 girls and they both only had one and only one, because I did not give in to their behavior. With my oldest, she decided to throw her 1st tantrum while I was doing grocery shopping. While I was mortified, I continued my shopping while she screamed her head off in the shopping cart for a good 10 minutes until she was exhausted and realized I was not going to give in. I got lots of stares and I'm sure everyone thought terrible things of me, but I refused to let my child control ME. Once she was done and calmed down we went out to the car and I gave her a good lecture about how she will NEVER do that again and followed that with spank on the behind.
If I were you, if you prefer not to spank your child I would just tell him he is not allowed to throw tantrums and take him to his room and make him stay there until he stops crying.
Whatever method of punishment you choose, the important thing is to remain consistent and NOT give in or reward the behavior in any way. Also, at 15 months, toddlers are very smart -- don't think for a second that he does not know what he is doing and on the flipside don't be afraid to talk to him and explain your actions thinking he isn't going to understand -- because they do. Regain your authority as a parent and remember the other half of love is discipline -- children need discipline and boundaries.

Answer 5

When you stop giving in to him when he has these tantrums, he'll stop. He knows what buttons to push. Also, when he has these tantrums, say nothing, & walk away. He'll get the message. Since he is so young, try doing a time out in a chair where he's not in the same room as your husband & you, for no longer than 10 minutes. Make sure that when you visit family/friends, that they deal with his tantrums just as you do. When he realizes that he doesn't have an audience, he'll stop.

P.S. I don't believe in putting him in the playpen for punishment because he'll protest when he's being good & you have things to do, & need to keep him isolated for a little while. He'll associate going into his playpen for times that he's naughty.

Answer 6

I'm really sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but this is going to continue in various incarnations until he moves out. With the younger toddlers its about exploring and you the mean nasty parent who is looking out only for their safety and security gets in his way or stops the adventure altogether. Around two it becomes a power issue. Once again the mean, nasty parents with only the child's best interest at heart gets in the way of your child becomming a free-range child. Then at three you see the real anger... and so on.

As this is going to continue for the next 18 or 19 years in various shapes and forms, practice being consistent. that's the ONLY thing that is going to work. Whatever your action ultimately is, you have to stick with it. If you say "you won't get to watch TV if you..." then don't back down. Nomatter what. Kids are experts at spotting parents' weaknesses and exploiting them.

My own weakness is when my oldest sobs. My heart breaks and I have to really hold myself back from going back against my own statements. As much as I feel bad for making my child so sad, I know that if I go back and resind the punishment, then the next time it will be twice as bad and the tears will crop up twice as often.

My other suggestion (which may or may not be actually useful) is to not only continue what you are doing, but try to step back and see what the tantrum is about. One girlfriend of mine once advised me to pick my battles. When dealing with a 15 month old, there are situations where you absolutely must stick to your guns and just firmly say no and watch the fall-out afterwards. But there are also situations where it is far easier for everyone involved to simply redirect the little guy. For example, if he wants to play with something that you don't want him to, give him something else instead.

I personally don't believe in punishing via time-outs or spankings for a child this young. They are too young to make the connection between crime and punishment.

Good luck, stay sane.. and believe me, in a few years you will look back and wish that you had the "good old days" of the 15 month old tantrums! :-)

Answer 7

You don't punish a child that young. You need to use the "stop, redirect" method. You stop the child from whatever they are doing, and then redirect their attention to something else. Remove them from the situation, and then get them interested in something else. Try not to make it food. Give them a book and say "Let's sit down and read this" or "Let's go outside and look for puppies" or something like that. If he still cries and throws a fit, then you have to just let him. Ignore him for a few minutes, then try again.

"Let's go outside and play!" kiss him and throw him up in the air. He will forget what he was upset about, and judging by your friendly,non-angry behavior, he will give in.

It usually works for my daughter (she's 20 months now.) I've been using this for a while now.

Answer 8

When he throws a tantrum put him in a safe room, close the door. Wait until he calms down. When he is done walk into the room calmy and tell him that he can't always have everything he wants. Tell him that he doesn't need to talk to you that way. You already said no. Always be comfortive and soothe him. By doing this you are ensuring that he knows what he did wrong.
Hope this helps

Answer 9

My sister tried an innovative approach with one of her kids that did this. You might give a try.

When he threw a tantrum, she did the same thing, kicking and screaming and all (obviously she did this at home). He would just stop and stare at her reaction in total surprise. It usually shut down the whole episode.

I realize you are at your wits end, but this is a phase and it will pass. Go ahead and try the time out in his room and he can't come out until he's calmed down. In a public place, it's just a sign it's time to pack up and go home.

Good luck. It won't last forever.

Answer 10

Anytime my son or daughter had a tantrum, as long as they were in a safe place, I would walk out of the room. They would usually follow me and I would tell them in a calm voice that I couldn't talk to them unless they were going to talk to me nicely. If the tantrum continued, I would go through that whole process again. Once they calmed down, I would try to help them talk about how they were feeling. Kids need to know how they are feeling and can't always tell you. No matter what happened, I never let them see me get frustrated.