Why am I so angry at my child??? Help, please. I am scared!?

Question

This sounds so bad. I don't want to be a bad mom. But I am scared, and don't know what to do.

Sometimes my little girl (nearly 4) does something (usually something not that bad) and I just all of a sudden get so full of rage and anger and hate (not for her, but for the world in general) that I just feel like screaming at her. I sometimes feel like hitting her. I have to make myself walk away, fast. I tell her to sit down and stay there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know why I do this. I HATE myself for it and want it to stop. Please someone out there tell me why, and what to do about it!!!!

I am lucky to have family living with me who are able to help and are understanding. I have never hit her. I am just so tired of being a bad, mean mom.

I love my little girl and want the very best for her. That's why I am asking for help....Please be kind....

Answer 1

Oh! There is a very good book about that, and a very good theory behind it. I have a number of parenting books, and I'm trying to remember which one it was. I think it's called "Parenting from the Inside Out".

It talks about how sometimes you may be recreating a past experience from your own childhood, without even being consciously aware of it! For example, this one lady talked about how she looked forward to taking her kids shoe shopping, but once they got there, it always turned into the worst, most negative experience.

The therapist asked her to remember if she ever went shoe shopping with her own mom, and what it was like. Turns out, she had really bad past experiences in her own childhood about shoes.

So, sometimes, when you get angry and you don't know why, it could be that something is triggering a memory from childhood, of something that you haven't properly dealt with yet. You may not even remember it as being particularly bad. But once you start exploring it, you will recall the feelings.

Please get this book! It's so great!!!!!

Answer 2

It's frustrating to be a Mom when your child is disobeying you. Are you becoming angry because she's not listening to you? The reason that upsets you so much is because you care about her, and want her to be a good person.

I've found that the best way to have a great relationship with my kids, and not too much stress, is to discipline them *every single time* they ignore what I ask them to do. I don't mean to spank her, unless that's the discipline you already use, but make sure that there's a negative consequence every time. She's old enough that you can explain to her:

"Mommy knows that you are a good girl, and that's why Mommy sometimes gets upset when you don't listen. But that's not right, so from now on, when you don't do what Mommy says, you will need to have a time-out. That way you can remember to be a good girl."

I know this seems counter-productive, but it's really the *kindest* thing you could do for her. I literally no longer get to the point of losing it, after just a few months of being consistent, and I'm a SAHM 24/7, so that's really saying something. You won't "lose it" as often, and you will be a much happier Mommy with a wonderful, sweet child.

It's OK to be upset sometimes, it just means that something needs to change. It happens to everyone, and it's OK to ask for help! Be calm and a little brave, and stop her *before* she gets out of control.

Good Luck Sweetie!

Answer 3

Sweetheart, we all have experienced this a time or two. But if this is an on going emotion that you go through, I suggest that you talk to your dr about getting checked for bipolar or manic depression. You may just be overwhemled right now with everything, and you need something to balance out the chemicals in your brain. It is good that you walk out for a moment when you feel such rage building up. Never ever strike your child over anything. If you do decide to take my advice stated above, it will take a good month or two for you to notice a difference in your moods, but the long term out come will be well worth it....

Answer 4

Any parent that claims to never get mad at their children is probably lying. Of course you lose patience sometimes. You deal with your daughter every day and deal with the same 4 year old behaviors all the time. I think it seems like you may be bottling your frustration so much you end up occasionally losing your temper. It sounds like you think parents should never be mad or never be frustrated. It's okay to be mad or frustrated. I know my toddler son can sometimes make me want to pull my hair out and get my tubes tied. When I get frustrated, I sometimes put him in a playpen with toys and take 5-10 minutes for myself to drink some soda, take deep breaths, and relax. Your daughter's older so maybe give her some alone play time while you take get some "mommy time". If you're a stay at home mom, like me, you may not be getting enough grown up time either. Find the money to get a babysitter, and go out for an evening. Eat with your husband/signifigant other. Have a margarita with your girlfriends. Join a Bible study with ladies from your church. Just find something to do just for you. Good luck. And stop feeling so guilty, it sounds like you're a great mom!

Answer 5

You should see a therapist. Put her in the care of a family member until you can better control your rage. Luckily, you know what is going on and are seeking help. Always hug her and tell her how much you love her. While you are getting help, take the time to meet up with your daughter once in a while, so that she doesn't miss you, but whatever you do, don't take your daughter back until your therapist says that you should. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 6

I would recommend a time out...for you. When you feel that angry, you need to walk away (into another room...not leave the house or anything) and calm down. Every mom reaches a breaking point and it is times like these that we need to step away and get a grip and I can tell you from personal experience that it works to put yourself in "time out".

That said, you also mentioned that you are angry with the world. It sounds to me like you are depressed about something. You need to figure out what that is and figure out a way of dealing with it productively. Keeping it bottled up inside is only going to cause you to take it out on those around you more and more.

Answer 7

My Child Is So Angry

Answer 8

I know how you feel. I sometimes explode at my 3 yearold boy when he disobeys what I say, and it's really bad when he's not being nice to his baby sister, like pushing her or taking things away from her.

The poster who talked about childhood memories is probably right, because I was the younger sister and was constantly picked on my whole life. It would definitely explain my own rage at this sibling rivalry.

My children are the light of my life and I hate hate hate it when I blow up at my son. I think it takes understanding of the issue, and self-control.

We can't expect to be perfect parents, but we can try to understand how what we do affects them and try to do better when we don't feel good about how we are.

*hugs* and sympathy.

Answer 9

It's just your hormones talking,BUT you do need to take a breather.Not to be terrible (I guess you could call it)But have you tried smoken the herb.It totally takes the anger and moody tantrums that come out of nowhere GONE.And I'm not sayin stay home and get stoned all day,I'm just saying it kills the nerves and cools you down.Anyway this is the only time you have with your daughter where she wants her mommy their for anything and you should soke it up while you still have the chance.SO whatever you choose to do at least you WANT to be a great mom,so that pretty much makes you one already!

Answer 10

The reason you feel that way i because you really deep down do feel angery. But it is not at your daughter as much as it is toward yourself. There must be a great deal of personal struggle within yourself that had made you very porne to anger. This could be from depression and anxiety. It could be a mental illiness that you should look into. Either way, seek help now!