i agreeded and made it clear that they were her kids. i don't mind helping to support them but i don't want the responsibility of making decisions or baby sitting for them. over time she has come to exspect me to do these things. we argue now instead of talking like we did before the kids moved in. 90% of the arguments have something to do with the kids. i love this woman but iam 50 years old i don't want to spend my days fighting with the one person i should be able to talk about everything with. should i move out and just see her as if we were dating or just break it off. PLEASE HELP!!!
2007-05-09 10:41:19 · 13 answers · asked by Wart 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Nothing douses a spark as quickly as a pair of mis-behaving kids with actual or potential hormonal rampages. At 13 and 14, they don't need day babysitters, but they do need a set of rules and the availability of parental supervision. There are parent counseling/family groups you can contact if sitting down as a family didn't work. If your partner is also employed, you need to get these kids into Boys and Girls Club or other after school activity such as a sports team and in the summer a parks and rec department activity.Are you and girlfriend considering marriage? If so, how do the kids deal with this, are they escalating disapproroval moves?
Moving to a bachelor pad might be wise even for late night dates as long as mother got a babysitter. Depending on the state, CPS might come in if you leave the teens alone overnight. Does girl have a mom whom could come over or a college age sitter for the overnights? She'll want an adult 21 or over to satisfy most laws. A shot term solution would to be pack the kids off to camp for a two-week reprise. Let your gal know you can compromise but, as you said in the beginning, unless you are married and willing to adopt, those are her kids.
2007-05-09 11:02:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should never have blended the family if you had no intention of blending the family. Basically they are like little roommates that you want nothing to do with.... If you were as clear with her when you guys talked about it as you say then I have no idea why in the world she agreed to it. Obviously you're not that serious about her or you would have made the effort to take an interest in the kids.
Don't get me wrong, I realize you are 50 and don't want to do the "Dad" thing but in that case, you should have parted ways because that is a dreadfull way for everyone to live....especially those little teenage heathens :-) because I'm more than certain that they can sense your displeasure with their presence.
2007-05-09 10:46:18 · answer #2 · answered by Clarissa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you expect to have a relationship with a woman with children and not be a part of their lives??? It is your unwillingness to be a family that is causing the problems! If you were that against children then you should have hooked up with a women that didn't have any! If you don't want to keep arguing over the kids, then you could help were needed and their won't be any arguments!
2007-05-09 10:49:25 · answer #3 · answered by wish I were 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I think it's a bad idea that you're living together in the first place (not being married) so yes, move out. Secondly, you should only continue dating her if you realize that her kids have numerous years before they will be adults living on their own, so if you want to be married or live together, just realize that wont work for a very long time.
2007-05-09 10:47:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The children are a problem and as a mother myself children come first. I'm afraid it's time to move out and either see her alone on a date or break it off. Believe me, this will turn into a war if you stay there.
2007-05-09 10:47:31 · answer #5 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That must have been a major adjustment for you.
My guy moved in with myself and my two children, the debates normally revolved around my children. Thankfully they have grown. (they where 14 and 16) he is 12 yrs my jnr, and today my children love and respect him more than they do their own father.
Im not sure moving out would solve anything, maybe just have time out with her alone and express how you feel.
I hope that all works out for you.
2007-05-09 10:47:40 · answer #6 · answered by unity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to grow up. When you are with someone who has kids it's a total package. Maybe you should stop worrying about the kids and start thinking about why your 50 and still "single." Maybe your affraid of responsibility. A REAL man helps his girl out no matter what it is.
2007-05-09 10:45:56 · answer #7 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
i suggest counseling as well.
dont just jump ship if you really love her.
most responses are going to be if you love her, you have to accept the package deal of her and her kids BUT...if it was already an agreement made that you were only going to be involved to a certain extent, then she should honor that and not change the rules in the middle of the game.
2007-05-09 10:47:59 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. Meli 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am confused. When you decided to live with a mother and her 2 children what made you think it wouldn't feel like you were becoming part of a FAMILY?
2007-05-09 10:46:58 · answer #9 · answered by thirsty mind 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
move out and break it off, you are 50 and you shall take care yourself first, next time don't made the same mistake.
2007-05-09 10:47:01 · answer #10 · answered by ubon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋