Should you stay in a relationship for the sake of the children involved?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years and have 1 child together (aged 3 yrs). We have discussed marriage in the past. Lately, I have been thinking that he is lying and stealing from me and my family. I honestly do not trust him anymore. We have broken up a total of 4 times before, within the 5 years we have been together. But the breakups have never lasted more then a month. This guy has cheated on me about 6 times that I can prove, and many more are rumored to have happened. But I keep taking him back because he is the father of my child, and I don't want him to come from a "broken home".

Should I stay in this relationship for my sons sake, or would he be better off if it was just me and him?

Also, should finances play a part in the decision, since my boyfriend completely supports both of us, and I am a stay at home mom?

Thanks for you input! It is greatly appreciated.

Also, my boyfriend has 3 other children from a previous relationship. And he has been told before that I am the reason that he gets access to them. That they do not trust him to be alone with them. I also don't want my son to lose touch with his 1/2 brothers and sisters.

Answer 1

So, let me begin my answer with--you need to find some healthy dose of self respect. One time cheating and they are DONE. No take backs. Experiencing an unhealthy parental (whether you are married or not) relationship is worse for children and gives them a bad model of what relationships are supposed to be like when it's time for them to have one.

As for money--make sure when (and notice I said "when", not "if") you kick his sorry butt out that you quickly visit your local child support office so that your child continues to receive the financial support that he deserves. Although since the two of you were never married he is not going to be legally responsible to continue supporting you. Just so you know.

Answer 2

First do you still love this man? If not there is your answer. Staying together simply because he is the child's father is not the answer. I know that you will have to make several life changes if you don't stay with him. But wouldn't you rather be able to say you can support yourself without always worrying if he is cheating, stealing or lying to you? You know that if you do stay together and he doesn't get help and stop these actions one day you are going to wake up really pissed off at your self that you wasted so many years when you could've been really happy with someone else or by yourself raising your son. And just to let you know, your child will start to pick up daddies bad habits eventually. I know from experience.

Answer 3

My personal opinion is that you shouldn't stay with someone for the sake of your son. Many amazing children come from "broken homes". As long as your son has people in his life that care about him, love him and support him then the "broken home" won't have such an impact. If you aren't happy with someone and you stay with them your child will be able to pick on it (when he is older). I know people whose parents did this and it made them feel horrible... they want their parents to be happy. As for the financial part, there are always single mom's who achieve so much. Make the decision based on the facts and how you feel. Your son is the most important subject in this picture. If you feel its right to go your own ways then part. You also get credit for thinking out all the situations and facts before just jumping the gun. Good luck!!!

Answer 4

first, you know he's a cheater, why stick around. cheated once, he'll do it again.
second, just because you have child with him is no reason to stay with him, yeah it would be great, but, your child learns from him also, if you are not in a good relationship, your child is living it also. The child can feel the tension, and that is not good for him either.
Third, yeah, money is great, but not everyting. He is the Father and will have to pay child support, and you can always find a job, I know it's great to stay home, but teaching your child to not rely on someone else is great too. Check with you local Social Services office about getting some financial help, such as housing, food assistance, medical assistance, and become self sufficient.

Also, if the mother's of his other children only allow them to be around because of you, I would think that would also be a good indicator that others feel he is not a good influence. As for him continuing to have a relationship with his 1/2 siblings, talk to the mothers, being a mother myself, I can only imagine that they would probably feel the same way, after all from the way it sound they have trusted the care of their child to you before.

Answer 5

NO... don't stay just because of your kids. Here are my reasons... My mother tried to do that when I was a kid & my brothers & I knew, we could tell. Kids pick up on those things & know a lot more then they communicate. Now I'm grown & have three children of my own there was a point when I asked my self the same thing. But because of experience I knew that if I stayed they could tell I wasn't happy & in turn it would put more stress on them. So we split it's been 8 years & the girls are happy, both him & I have moved on & it's all worked out. As far as once a cheater always a cheater people CAN change BUT the trust is gone & that is the hardest thing to get back... If you love him and want to try to work things out go for it. BUT DON'T do it ONLY for the KIDS!!!

Answer 6

Wow, your son is only 3, they get over it at that age. The question is, what type of female example to you want to send to your son? Do you want him to think it is okay to have a baby with a woman, not marry her, cheat on her, etc? There are always reasons to stay or leave, but it's the example you are setting that is the real issue.
Good luck. It is so hard to get over a long term relationship, and you'll want to die for awhile, but... every time someone leaves your life, they open doors for others to come through, and that may be your soul mate.

Answer 7

First, this is exactly why you don't have children with a man you're not married to.

Of course you should stay with him for the kids, unless you think your sons arn't worth it!

Look at it this way. You made a bad decision to have children with him because it felt good at the time. Are you making this decision because it feels good, or are you applying logic as well. Feelings are fickle, never rely on them alone!

Unless he's a danger to the kids, hang on and do your best to make it work.

Answer 8

Definitely get out! You say you don't want you're child to come from a broken home? It's way better than him seeing that you don't trust or respect his father. I think staying will make it worse. You don't have a job but you're not crippled. You won't be the first nor the last single parent.

Answer 9

NO, in your case I would say HELL NO!! I realize you rely on his income to support you and your child but you need to realize that he is causing more damage then good and you are certainly able to get a job and take care of yourself. I know this is a scary prospect but honestly, it sounds a lot scarier staying with a guy like that and having him raise a child...what a dreadful example he will be.

You deserve more than that and so does your child. The children he has from previous relationships are NOT your responbility and you need to focus on you and your child - no the other relatives who may have a problem with this. good luck to you....

Answer 10

Absolutely don't stay with him!!! Your happiness is the key to your son's happiness. Also, it is proven that a child who comes from a single parent but happy home is much better off than one who comes from a 2 parent but unhappy disfuncional environment. Just do it!
Too many great fish in the sea:)