My parents are driving me CRAZY!!!?

Question

SORRY ITS LONG!

I am 20 years old. I have been out of high school for a year now. My parents are SUPER STRICT. Lately i have been getting pressured to go to college, and blah blah. they seriously think i will be a piece of crap with my life if i dont. i work hard, and i make fairly good money. i just dont think that college is all the right for me.

Also:
I have a boyfriend now of 2 1/2 years. things are getting pretty serious. We would like to get married. maybe next year or so. But for some reason that is like the worst thing to my parents. they are driving me crazy. I Really want to move out and get on with my life. but i have a christian family, so i have to be married to live with a guy. or they will like disown me.

My parents have always given EVERTHING to me that i wanted. So i have that holding over my head.

I really dont know what to do! PLEASE HELP!

Answer 1

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am 22 years old, and my parents were super strict on me too. After high school I did go to college, but practically cause my parents made me. Although, I too felt that college wasnt for me. My parents have always given me eveything, we've had a house, both of them worked hard, my dad has his own business, my own room, clothes, my own car, so at times I felt like I had to do whatever they asked for, since they gave me so much. I too was with my boyfriend and we were serious about each other as well. There was drama obviously with my parents. I am catholic, and I wanted to move in with him, but my parents would not put up with it. At the end I know it wasnt the right thing to do, and I'm not saying to do it, but my boyfriend and I took off. This was last year when I was 20, after that my parents opened up to me, and have actually respected me a lot more. Sometimes parents if they arent willing to 'listen to you" you need to do something to prove to them.

Answer 2

Your parents just love you and want what's best, as corny as it sounds. I know you are the very oldest you've ever been in your whole life right now, so to yourself, 20 seems pretty old, right? But it's really not, in the grand scheme of things. Your parents realize this, and they're just worried you are going to head down a hard path. They know that 20 is awfully young to get married, even if you and your BF have been together for 2 1/2 years. As for moving in with your BF< if your family's religious beliefs dictate that you don't move in until you're married, then don't. But that shouldn't stop you from moving out and living by yourself, or with a female roommate. I don't think they would object to that, and then you can have a little more privacy to give adulthood a try. Do you think maybe you could take just one or twocollege classes, just to see if it's for you? That would make your parents happy, and also it would give you a chance to see if there's anything in college that might interest you. That would make your parents see you as a mature young woman who at least weighed her options and gave college a try. As for "needing" college, I won't lie to you- it's not for everybody. I know a couple people who didn't graduate from college, and they're making more money than I am, whereas I sit here with my Bachelor's Degree in Communications, answering phones for a whopping 13 bucks an hour. However, I am very proud that I'm a college graduate- I think it shows a certain strength of character when a person has a college degree. It doesn't make me any better or worse than someone who didn't go to college, though. I think what's important is to start thinking about what you might like to do as an adult. If your passion lies somewhere that college won't really help, then go for it, but I do wish you'd at least go to college for a semester before you make up your mind. And if you and your BF truly love each other, marriage can wait. Maybe your parents wouldn't object to a long engagement...?

Good luck, and I hope you find your bliss!

Answer 3

I believe that they don't want to see you married too early and stuck with a husband and kids. However, you're serious about your guy and it's been a long relationship.You can get married with or without their blessing. Let them know that although you love them, the choice of a lifetime mate is yours, that you are almost ready to marry and you are going to do it whether they like it or not.

You can always go to college later, and depending on your employer, your college tuition may even be paid for. If you are making good money now AND have a future in your career (not doing something that will be obsolete in a few years) then again you will have to let them know that you are an adult now and have made your own decision.

Thank them for giving you "everything" when you were growing up and thank them for making them the person you are now. Believe me, you are much more on track than alot of 20 year olds and for that they should be grateful.

I think this is a turning point, where they have the choice to respect you as an adult or alienate you. The choice is theirs. The life choices you have made are reasonable, legal, moral, and admirable. Although it's not where they may have planned for your life to be in your 20th year, that's what it is and it's not a bad situation.

It would help if you could get your own place, with a female friend or another relative until your marriage. Then you would have your independence but not your parents' disapprocal by living with your bf. Good luck.

Answer 4

It's hard not to think that your life will be crap without college. You have a job and make fairly good money; is there room for you to advance on the job that you have? You are living at home; do you pay them rent?
'Good money' is hard to define. If you can pick up the paper and see that a good-sized apartment (maybe 3 bedrooms) is affordable for you to rent, then add in car payments and insurance and any other insurance payments, gas money, food money, clothing and other necessities money, and a little room for savings. Can you still afford all those things on your paycheck?
If not, you're not really making 'good money'. Well, you say, if I get married, we will both be working. Yes, until your first child. I can't continue with this reasoning because I think you've got the idea already!
Your parents don't want you to give up the boyfriend and your hopes and dreams together. They just want you to have more options in life! This is a good thing! If they are willing to foot the bill for college, then take full advantage of that. Think about what you'd like to be considering 15 years from now: (you're daydreaming at your kitchen table and thinking, 'I'd like to go back to work and resume my career as a ....... What?')
You may think you can do all that stuff later - get a degree, have a career. You can't easily, and that makes it even crazier to turn your back on opportunity now. You think once you turn your back, it will be there when you turn around again?

Answer 5

I really think you should consider college. Its really hard to get a good paying job without a college degree. Not to mention that college is so much fun...its only half about learning and the other half is about partying and meeting people. College is the last time in your life that you can be a kid with very little responsibility. I am telling you college is a blast...my first semester there I took four classes and partied wednesday through saturday night. I met tons of people including my husband who I would have never met if I didn't go to school. My parents helped me pay so basically I had to take some classes, get good grades for four years and I got to have a blast on my parents dime. Please consider college it will change your life for the better.

Answer 6

Your Parents really do want the best for you and you should consider their advice and actions in that light, not as "driving you Crazy". If you are 20 years old, you should be able to sit down in a respectful manner and speak with them.
You do have some decisions to make. One do you stay or go, two do you marry or not, three do you go to school, four do you go to work. These are your choices, it appears. When you make your choice(s), then based upon them your parents will most likely make some as well and they may not be to your liking, but remember that they will be based upon what you choose. You are pretty much an adult now, so use your head and figure it out.

~

Answer 7

Here's my honest opinion.....I think your parents have a point.

In today's society, education is important. It's pretty much impossible to get a decent paying job with benefits unless you have some sort of educational background. I'm not saying you need to go to Harvard and earn 3 different degrees, but aquiring some sort of degree and experience are important. College was 4 of the best years of my life, hands down! What are you currently doing for work?

In regards to marrage, there's always time for that. I wouldn't rush it. You're young and you have a lot to experience. I got married when I was 26. I love my wife and am still married, but I kind of wish I maybe would've waited a little longer.

Just my two cents...

Answer 8

Hey its OK if you don't go to college i never did in fact I still have to finish a few credits in high school and I make more than most of my friends that took R.O.P to be a dental assistant so don't let them push you into anything. and for the boy friend its your life if you both love each other and want to be together get married I know whats its like not to move into a place with your boyfriend until your married so if that's what you and him what do it your a grown woman. my parents didn't want me marrying my husband but they are totally fine with it now so don't worry it will work its self out but do what will make you happy and not your parents. they love you so they will get past it once they see your happy good luck

Answer 9

Well Id wait untill after college to get married, i know it seems long but think about it....If he loves you he wont mind the wait. Plus if things dont work out it may be hard to get on the right path again. As for your parents.... Try negotiating with them, Kindly explain your 20 and there gonna eventually have to let you grow-up.

Answer 10

College isn't for everyone.....maybe you should try moving out on your own...sometimes you have to do what you want to do...and if that means that your parents may disown you then you have to show them that you can live on your own.....sure getting an apartment isn't easy like the way people say it is but if you put your mind to it and budget carefully then you should be alright.....And about the moving in with the boyfriend.....huge step.....think about it wisely because there are expenses in getting an apt. w/ someone....especially a significant other....

Best of Luck Hun!!!!