Why do some moms try to tell others how to raise their kids and how to live their life?

Question

Advice is something that I know everyone could use occasionally, but I see so many women on here who think the best way to give advice is to tell someone how they should raise their kids or live their lives, and they use insults and critisizm to try to make those who "do it differently" look or feel like horrible parents. It is one thing to give advice or your opinion on how YOU would do it, but what good does it serve to try to insult someone who doesn't raise their kids like you do, or doesn't live their life like you? Thats not advice, thats judgement. How does that help anything? No mom is perfect, and whose to say whose way is the best.

You leave your kids in daycare? Oh your a horrible parent!
You didn't breastfeed? Well, your selfish!
You work outside the home? Oh you don't love your kids like a stay at home mom does!

Why do some of these moms think that is another mom doesn't do it HER way, they are doing it wrong?

Lettinit: There is a difference between advice and judgement. Advice would be when another tells you how they would handle a situation. Judgement is when they tell you that your way of doing something is wrong.
Most people DO NOT come on here for judgement, yet that is exactly what they get.

Answer 1

It's not just mothers who offer advice or judgment, there are many men who do the same.

But to answer your question. Sometimes, when a person asks a question. they detail how they are currently handling the situation. The person that is giving the advice takes it upon themselves to offer constructive criticism and then others just down right get disrespectful to another mom. But the one who's asking for the advice has an option to take it or dismiss it.

Unfortunately,parenting a child does not come with a handbook it is basically trial and error. Some parents have already gone through a certain situation and the advice can help someone else. I personally appreciate any advice to help in raising my children. I have eight children and believe me, they are all different and my style and technique for each child is different. With that said, the advice given on this board is mainly to help but their are those that down right criticize a parent. And for the comments that are offensive, you have to overlook it and look for the right help.

I have left my kids in daycare. I'm not a horrible parent.
I didn't breastfeed four of my children and I'm not selfish
I work outside the home and inside the home and I love my kids more than life itself.

You have to look at who you are as a woman, mom and friend and not give in to what someone thinks you should be just because they did things differently than you.

Don't get too offended.

Hope this has helped.

Answer 2

I really think this is a bit of a loaded question, mostly because I think that each incident could be "judged" differently. I think that for some, they feel SOOOOO strongly about whatever the situation is that they are beyond compelled to argue or defend what they see is right. Others, are just mean and could probably care less if they hurt someone else's feelings. I also think there are a small group of people who actually believe that they are doing some good by writing hurtful things to others. And finally I think that there are moms like me that LOVE to give advice that most of the time is helpful without being insulting, but every once in a while a person will come along on Yahoo Answers that posts information about themselves or about situations that are soooooo off the wall (that border on abuse or that don't make sense) and the poster needs to be told that her actions or situations are flat out wrong or unhealthy for children. This often can be seen as insulting advice, mostly because the reader (anyone who reads the post and answer) would've/could've found a better way to word it.

Answer 3

I believe your mother is overwhelmed and probably under certain stress from being concerned about you by the decisions you had made while you were younger. I don't know your situation and its difficult to advise you and tell you to just move out. I believe the best thing is to becoming more responsible and looking at what's going for you right now. At least you have a mother whose willing to provide with you with a home even if its temporary until you get on your feet. Not only for you but for your children. I believe the only thing you can do right now is listen and probably talk with her and letting her know you understand what's she's trying to say and then maybe at least she won't be so hard on you. Its always a parent's job to tell you whats wrong and right, inspite but they also love you. Do try to get along with her now. As that is important and once it becomes better so will the outlook for you to becoming more independent. Wish you luck.

Answer 4

Some people are very insecure. It makes them feel better when they give advice, because they actually think you are going to go home and do exactly what they say. Or, they may try to make you feel as though they are doing a great job and "if you want to do as good of a job as them..." So, it worked for them, who cares? They shouldn't make you feel like a bad mom. I don't give advice to anyone who doesn't ask for it, because I know that I wouldn't appreciate it if someone did that to me!

I am a stay at home mom and I have posted a couple questions. I've gotten responses that "I should feel lucky" for being able to stay at home. Well, that's none of their business. Just because I stay at home with the kids doesn't mean I can't have gripes, right? People are too quick to judge.

Try not to take their "advice" personally. Some people are very righteous, and that's their problem :)

Answer 5

Who cares whether another parent takes my advice or not if they ask I'll give my opinion or advice but that's it I never ask to find out if they took my advice or not or how there situation is going for them.When I ask a question I compile all the information and take what I think is the best answer. I do agree with your insults comments it is not necessary to put someone down all the time. I generally ask them what is wrong with them that they didn't think for themselves. As a general rule I try not to insult people.

Answer 6

Well, they're just very set in their ways and beliefs about what is good fo rtheir children. Obviously, that's no excuse for being rude and judgemental, but that's a fault that all people share in some way or another.

The best advice I get is to do what feels right and what works best for your life. If anyone tries to slow you down or discourage you from that goal, they aren't worth your time or energy. :)

Answer 7

well i don't know about that yet but i am pregnant and truly considering getting a shirt made that says "yes i am pregnant, and NO, i don't want your advice" the advice that people give out to pregnant women is not only mostly wrong, it is very rude. people just need to mind their own business an worry about their own lives. whew i feel a little better now
LOL

Answer 8

Don't you know?!?!

Only other moms know how to do it right.

All of them.

The only one that doesn't have a clue about anything is you.

lol...

Thats the way they all act anyway!

ESPECIALLY when you are only on baby #1!!!

You know what I do with those moms?
Smile, say thank you & go on about my business as if they'd never spoken at all.

Answer 9

because every mom thinks she is doing it right. We all judge, but your right, sometimes people will be asking a simple question and will get put down. your best bet is to ask someone who would know, instead of the world on answers. we were all raised differently, so we will all raise our children differently.

Answer 10

I think many people try to validate their own choices by making fun of others. It is too bad we can't all be more supportive. Just do what works for you and don't worry about what other people think.