I have been living with my wonderful bf for about 2 months now. He has OCD and I've known this all along. Although there has been rough patches in our relationship because of it, we get through it the best we can. Recently though, he seems to have lost it! He yelled at me last night because he says that the only reason I am with him is because I am working with this kid that he doesn't like to make his life hell. (This kid is a root concern in his OCD and he thinks this kid is out to get him). I just don't know how to deal with this anymore. He makes me repeat things when talking to him (like saying ok about 15 times so he thinks i've been listening). I want to marry him but he just doesn't understand the things that he puts me through and what toll they are taking. I feel myself getting depressed because of it. Is there any suggestions on what I should do?? It's just getting worse and I don't know why. Thank you so much for your suggestions!
2007-05-09 04:23:46 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
He's been through extensive mental diagnois - they found him to be OCD. It's just hard because everyone else he knows puts up with it (ie. friends and family) and if I don't, I'm thought to be the bad guy because I'm not patient with him and not understanding.
2007-05-09 04:38:42 · update #1
Because you say ok 15 times, he knows it is accecptable.
Tell him you love him, but he has to want to change, he has to want to be with you, and has to want to make himself better. And be prepared to leave if he can't step up to the challenge.
Call him out when he is going over the top, let the little things go, but call him out on the big ones.
Here is a movie you might find intersting
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119822/
2007-05-09 04:29:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want the honest truth, if you are already feeling this stressed, you need to come to terms that it is not meant to be. I know it hurts, and you love him, but unless there is a break through in medicine or he gets very intense therapy (which will make things much worse before they get better), then it will not get better. You will only become numb to everything, good and bad. He is obviously not on any / or the right medication by the sounds of it. OCD is hell for him. It will destroy his life and yours if it is not controlled. He needs more help than he's getting. And when he gets it, you will need to make sure he sticks with it, medication, counseling, etc. He will want to quite his meds. You will need to make sure he doesn't. It is a huge responsibility. It is very difficult not to become almost motherly rather than romantic. I'm not trying to scare you, or say he's not worth the effort. I'm just trying to be honest and give you the big picture. I was with a man for 6 years, lived together for 4. He had OCD tendency's with Bipolar Disorder. The last year seemed fantastic. Then he took his own life at 35. I never saw it coming. I'm only telling you this so you are prepared. I wouldn't change my time with him, I loved him with all my heart. But I would have been better prepared if someone told me what to expect.
2007-05-09 11:48:41 · answer #2 · answered by darkeyes_k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought about the fact that if you marry this guy, not only will you have to deal with his disease, but chances are your children will have it also? You are getting depressed already and you aren't married yet, how will you be able to deal with this on a daily basis and have children to deal with and their disease too? This is something you should not go into without lots of thought on it!! I know you think love will get you through, but sometimes love isn't enough! Marriage is hard enough on it's own, you'll have to be a very strong person to be able to deal with all of this for a lifetime! Do you REALLY want to mate with someone that could carry a disease to your children??? I'm not saying that people with diseases shouldn't marry, I'm just trying to get you to THINK about this before you get yourself into something you'll be sorry for later! I've been in a similar situation myself, and it is not easy by any means!! Since it's already affecting you, maybe you should rethink being with this guy, that's all.
2007-05-09 11:38:01 · answer #3 · answered by wish I were 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The reason it is getting worse is because you are playing along. If you feed his obsessive-compulsive behavior, it will just become worse. Think of an drug addict who must take more and more to get the same high.
Is you bf diagnosed with OCD? His behavior doesn't sound like OCD to me. OCD starts with an obsession (like "my hands are dirty") that can't be relieved except through a compulsive behavior (like washing ones hands repeatedly). Having you say "ok" over and over and his thinking the kid is out to get him sounds more like paranoia.
2007-05-09 11:32:37 · answer #4 · answered by dsgrieve 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you're in a difficult situation. It's very obvious you love him, but can you live like this for the rest of your life? It's going to get worse. It sounds like he's got some paranoia also, has he been checked for scizophrenia by chance? He really should get checked out and get on some meds. He seems a bit controlling. I know we can't help who we fall in love with (I'm sure he's a great guy), but we can control our destiny of sorts. I'm sure, that should you marry him, you'll end up with so much resentment that it will turn into hate. It wouldn't be his fault, but it's his disorder. Bless your heart, girl. Best of luck.
2007-05-09 11:32:18 · answer #5 · answered by swrong 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi,
i live with ocd. it is not easy living with this everyday. (FYI rain man did not have ocd and is a fictional character smart ***.) your bf does not sound like he suffers from ocd. paranioa isn't something ocd based, i do not think people are out to get me. i here is what you have to do:
get him to a doctor immediatley because your boyfriend sounds like he is suffering from paraniora. the doctor will be able to give him meds to calm him and recommend if he should be put in a hospital or go to a shrink.
then you have to decide if you really want to marry this guy, realize that if he is mentally ill, (ocd is NOT considered a mental illness) your children mostly likely will be mentally ill and you will have to help me through this his/ your entire life.
good luck to your bf and you.
2007-05-09 11:43:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If there is no medicine/psycho therapy that he can take or is taking, you need to pull up from him. If he is not willing to work to improve this disorder, it is NOT going to improve. He is only going to get worse and then you'll find yourself in what sounds like is already an abusive relationship. I don't like hearing about men yelling at women regardless of whatever he's going thru. It might help you to seek some professional help also.
2007-05-09 11:30:04 · answer #7 · answered by LA Law 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
See the section on OCD at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on page 7 & depression on page 2. He should agree to restrict his OCD to one room. I wouldn't marry until you have been cohabiting satisfactorily for 2 years. Consider moving house.
2007-05-09 13:03:05 · answer #8 · answered by CLICKHEREx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell you to go see a doctor. She can prescribe mild mood stabilizers (such as Paxil CR) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Couple's therapy may also help. If he refuses to go, give him an ultimatum: either he gets help or you move out. I know it's hard, but your mental health is suffering as well.
2007-05-09 11:41:53 · answer #9 · answered by the_crying_queen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes a very strong person to love someone with a mental disorder..... Bless your heart for stickin with him thru everything thus far. This is just gonna have to be a crossroads for you and you need to decide-- is this man worth it? If he is, you're just going to have to stay strong and find a way to cope! God will give you the strength to look beyond his flaws if you are meant to be. :)
2007-05-09 11:32:22 · answer #10 · answered by ~*TiNa*~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋