A nasty accident . . . . . . . . .?

Question

Following a nasty car accident, a man's wife slips into a coma.

After spending weeks at her bedside, the husband is summoned to the hospital.

"It's amazing" says the Doctor, breathlessly. "While bathing your wife, one of the nurses noticed she responded to her b00bs being touched."

The husband is very excited, and asks what he can do. "Well," says the doc, "If one erogenous zone provokes a response, perhaps the others will too."

So the husband goes alone into the room, where he slips his hand under the covers and begins to massage her b!ts.

Amazingly, the woman begins to move and even moan a little. The man tells the doctor, waiting outside.

"Excellent!" he says. "If she responds like that to your finger, I think you should try 0_r_@_l s_e_x."

Nodding, the husband returns to the room - but within minutes the heart monitor alarms go off, and the medics pile into the room.

"What happened?" shouts the doctor, as he checks the prone woman's pulse.

"I'm not sure," replies the man, looking sheepish. "I think she might have choked."

Answer 1

Ha! I should've seen that one coming....

Answer 2

A devout couple felt it important to own an equally devout pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash.
When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home--devoutly. That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new pet and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks.
Well, they said, "let's try this out." Once more they called the
dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!" Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.

Answer 3

...still funny!!

Having sex is yet another great past time for burning up those unwanted fat producing calories...


REMOVING CLOTHES
With partner's consent... 12 calories
Without partner's consent... 187 calories

UNHOOKING BRA
Using two calm hands... 7 calories
Using one trembling hand... 36 calories

GETTING INTO BED
Lifting partner... 1.5 calories
Dragging partner along floor... 16 calories
Using skateboard... 3 calories

ACHIEVING ERECTIONS
For normal healthy man... 2.5 calories
Losing erection... 14 calories
Searching for it... 115 calories

PUTTING ON CONDOM
With erection... 1.5 calories
Without erection... 300 calories

INSERTING DIAPHRAGM
If the woman who does it is:
Experienced... 6 calories
Inexperienced... 73 calories
If a man does it... 650 calories
Add five calories for retrieving it from across the room.

POSSIBLE INTERCOURSE SIDE EFFECTS
Bouncing... 7 calories
Sliding around... 9 calories
Serious skidding... 12 calories
Whiplash... 27 calories

ORGASM
Real... 27 calories
Faked... 160 calories

ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE
Shoes flew off... 35 calories
Expression didn't change... 0.5 calories
Orchestra swelled... 6 calories
Birds sang:
Large birds... 7 calories
Small birds... 3 calories
Earth moved... 30 calories

PULLING OUT
After orgasm... 0.5 calories
A few moments before orgasm... 500 calories

PENIS ENVY
For woman... 3 calories
For men... 72 calories

GUILT
Banging your boss for a promotion... 30 calories
Sex during a 'sickie'... 10 calories
Bonking each other with parents in other room... 7 calories
Putting it on your expense account... 9 calories

AGGRAVATION
Partner keeps showing plant... 5 calories
Partner insists on dog cuddling during foreplay... 14 calories
Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time... 10 calories
Partner is taking phone calls... 7 calories
Partner is making phone calls... 40 calories

GETTING CAUGHT
By partner's spouse... 60 calories
By your spouse... 100 calories
Trying to explain... 55 calories
Trying to remain calm... 100 calories
Leaping out of bed... 75 calories
Getting dressed in one motion... 500 calories

Answer 4

Brave joke!! Funny.

Answer 5

I found it senseless and sooo not funny .Im not sure it was suppose to be in any of the categories in this yahoo answers and totally not under jokes .

Answer 6

Not funny at all. So called jokes about sick people, creed and filthy language don't deserve a laugh. that is my opinion.

Answer 7

Can't wait to tell hubby-hee, hee

Answer 8

haahha very funny LOL

Answer 9

He meant you should give it to her u moron!!

if i was that wife, i would be coming ack for his ***!

Answer 10

This Goes against yahoo terms ! I will violate you