A Dog Named Sex
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him “Rover” or “Spot”. I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog’s license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.
He said, “I would like to have one too!” Then I said, “But she is a dog!” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. I said, “You don’t understand. … I have had Sex since I was nine years old.” He replied, “You must have been quite a strong boy.” When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, “But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex.” He said he didn’t want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, “You don’t understand. … Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Me too!”
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. “You don’t understand,” I said, “I hoped to have Sex on TV.” He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married.” The Judge said, “Me too!”
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning. I said, “I’m looking for Sex.” — My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I’ve been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, “What seems to be the trouble?” I replied, “Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn’t live any longer so lonely.” and the doctor said, “Look mister, you should understand that sex isn’t a man’s best friend:
So get yourself a dog.”
2007-05-09 02:08:48 · 4 answers · asked by Ashley M 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A devout couple felt it important to own an equally devout pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash.
When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home--devoutly. That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new pet and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks.
Well, they said, "let's try this out." Once more they called the
dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!" Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.
2007-05-09 02:37:42 · answer #1 · answered by mobile auto repair (mr fix it) 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If they are a mix of a beagle and a pug - then they are what is known as a Puggle. Sadly, these mutts are adopted because of this "twist" on being designer and someone seeking a Puggle will adopt a Puggle. The funny part is, some people do not even know what a Puggle is, they just like the idea of owning a "designer dog". The shelter did nothing wrong, society has an unquenchable thirst for expensive mutt mixes. And if a dog is a mix that can be adopted - I say - let them use that name and pray someone thinks they are adopting an expensive designer dog. 1 less pooch at the shelter anyhow. On a side note, those who do know what the mixes are can tell by the name if this is a mix they want to adopt.
2016-05-18 23:28:39 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL. Great Joke! LOL.
2007-05-11 15:55:10 · answer #3 · answered by jfmm 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ash............................u r THE best
2007-05-09 02:43:25 · answer #4 · answered by alanna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋