My partner always buys me cheap presents. for xmas i got cheap straighteners and candles. His son got £175 phone. It didnt bother me too much but he has bought me an engagement ring and left receipt lying about - it cost £80. I wouldnt mind but he earns over 2K in his hand a month and has savings. Also last month he bought his ex wifes daughter a watch that was nearly £200 .
I feel like i am being a selfish and spoilt re this would anyone else feel upset. I am not usually so materialistic but this has hurt me and makes me feel second best on what is supposed to be a special day.????? .
2007-05-08 20:29:41 · 38 answers · asked by cottontail 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
His son and step daughter are in their twenties not kids. He even spent more on his mums birthday present than this. I know that it is the thought that counts but it is the lack of thought that worries me? I wouldnt mind if this was a once off but it is continual. I never used to care what he spent on his kids - after all they should come first but now i am starting to resent them especaillay ex step daughter.
I dont want to talk to him because i feel mean and selfish. Also i have my own money and work hard we share a house/mortgage and on his birthday etc i try to get him exactly what he wants. He dosnt even listen or pay any attention to things i like and that is why he ends up getting stuff i dont even use. Is this enough to cancel a wedding?
2007-05-09 01:54:33 · update #1
He is being cheap. You are not being spoiled and selfish. You should be treated as number one in life. I can understand him buying his son something he may need but the ex-wife;s daughter got a better present and better engagement ring than you. This is not right honey. I know you are not being materialistic but this is very hurtful.
I don't really know what to say. Are you thinking about not staying with him? If you have decided to stay with him and marry him, I know this will continue to hurt you as it probably will continue happening. You really deserve better in your life.
2007-05-09 01:03:52 · answer #1 · answered by Patti C 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Normally I'd say anyone complaining about how much someone spends on their present is just being materialistic. But you do have a point.
The only thing I could argue in his case is that kids (I'm assuming the son and daughter are around high school age) have expensive tastes and sometimes you have to spend out a little bit more for presents. When you get older you learn that there more important things in life than a flash watch or the latest mobile phone.
But £80 for an engagement ring!! Are you sure that wasn't just a deposit or something? There might be another receipt somewhere with the full balance paid. I remember someone said to me that an engagement ring should cost no less than one months salary.
And that christmas present! That's the sort of thing I got my sister when I was a kid, and all I had was my pocket money! But it is the thought that counts, and he obviously didn't put much "thought" into it so it counts for nothing. Straighteners and candles sounds to me like the sort of gift a man would buy on Christmas Eve, just before closing time. He wants to get home but has one more gift to buy, so he just looks for anything that will do as a gift for a woman.
2007-05-08 21:07:12 · answer #2 · answered by DJ Rizla 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If all women were totally honest we'd all feel the same if our partner handed us an engagement ring that was 80 pounds. The ring is probably nice but being that you have to wear it for the rest of your life and it means so much we'd rather have something that was a little more expensive and flashier. Your partner leaving the receipt around is a little insensitive as now every time you look at your ring your going to think of the price of it and why he is not willing to spend as much on you as he would on a watch for somebody else, the watch will be gone in a few years where as your ring is meant to last a life time.
Some will say it is the thought that counts and really it is but if he's earning good money he should be able to splash out on this occasion.
If stuff like this really bothers you, you need to sit down with your partner otherwise it will just eat you up and cause rows.
2007-05-08 21:49:02 · answer #3 · answered by jinglebells 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The kids have probably told him what they want - you know what kids are like they want anythink expensive just so they can say to thier friends thi cost X amount! Its the thought that counts - straighteners and candles are a good pressie compared to the effort most men will make - chics and flowers! And the ring had he spent time over chosing what he'd think you'd like - do you like it? If you do then he's obviously put alot of thought into it! My partners parents are alot older than my own and he never had any sisters - if he went out and got me clothes or things like that then it would be to his mums taste as thats the only taste he knos - luckily he doesn't - the nicest thing he ever did for me was about a year ago and he picked me some lovely flowers from his grans garden even tho his uncle and friend were taking pics and laughing at him amogst the flowers - this didnt cost him anything - its always the time and effort that theyve put in hoping to make you happy!
2007-05-08 22:08:59 · answer #4 · answered by Ebab831 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being selfish, he is totally taking the p*ss. If this is what he's like before you're married, he'll be even worse afterwards. Sorry, but this demonstrates the esteem he holds you in. You need to take a stand and say "thanks for the temporary engagement ring, when are we going shopping for the real thing?". On average a guy should spend a month's wages on an engagement ring. If this means he has to save up for it, then so be it. You are entitled to a 2K sparkler and you'll get a fair rock for that kind of cash.
If he refuses, bin him immediately.
2007-05-08 22:49:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm with "cat's eye'. And I would add that it sounds like you are keeping a close watch on what he earns and spends - is it really how you measure your relationship or own worth?
I would be perfectly happy with an £80 ring, it is the commitment that counts and I feel there are better ways of spending money while building life as a couple - including spending my own share. I guess we have different priorities.
And don't try competing with his children. To my mind, they should always come first, I am sorry to say.
2007-05-08 20:59:26 · answer #6 · answered by tense 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he maybe earning 2k a month but you don't know what he has to pay out. He maybe saving for a very good reason. Of course he will spend a lot of money on his children because they are his children and he may pay maintenance towards his children. There is a old saying 'its not what you spend that counts its the thought that counts in a gift' ( something along thoses lines!!) what you want to ask yourself, is the ring very pretty and looks nice? forget the price of it and are you proud to wear it because he spent his time looking for it.
2007-05-08 20:52:53 · answer #7 · answered by b1uecee 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are saying.
Talk to him about this and see what he says about it. I think i would feel the same about the ring when he spends money like that on his step daughter. He should not have left the receipt laying around for you to see.
I know that how ever much the ring costs does not mater it the commitment but he has hurt you and you need him to know. You have to start talking now about it otherwise your marriage wont last and it has not started yet.
Good luck
2007-05-09 00:36:51 · answer #8 · answered by Pinkflower 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be hurt, if he wasn't earning so much it would be different, and how he seems to leave receipts around is a bit suspect.I would say the writing is on the wall, if you let this continue he will think that you don't mind and maybe don't matter. Make a stand ,big time, one that he will never forget,see what affect it has . If he does not get the message move on.You should be the most important thing in his world, shouldn't you?
2007-05-08 20:46:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honestly don't think of like that.
Normally I would say that you should sit down and let the person know how you feel, but in this case there is a really high possibility that he will take it the wrong way depending on how you approach the conversation so be careful that you don't come off as self fish.
Overall don't focus so much on the material aspect of things, I'm pretty such there is much more to your relationship than that. I don't think that you are trying to self fish but it may come off that way so be careful.
Just remember that it is the thought that counts.
2007-05-08 20:33:56 · answer #10 · answered by MzCaRaMeL 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋