for the last 5 months i have had the worst writer's block ever!lines just started flowing through my head i immediantly grabbed a pen, but lost most of what i thought up. i kinda just threw this together & ive gotten this far & am stuck again, but please tell me what U think, i know its VERY rough..
**You are my heart and soul the savior of my life
you are my hot and cold the darkness and the light
I have realized i cannot walk this scattered path alone.
I have realized if i just believe
In your arms i will always have a home.
& when the times get rough
i know that you will be there
& when i make mistakes
I know that you will still care
Youll come to me with open arms
to lift my head back high
youll wipe my tears and say
its okay i'm here for you dont cry
youll point me back to the path
that you have planned for me
Youll have my back no matter what
as long as i believe
you are my heart & soul the savior of my life
you are my hot and cold the darkness & the ligh
2007-05-08 15:34:44 · 18 answers · asked by AAAAA 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I'm sorry if some of you dont like it, if you are trying to offend me it wont happen, i expect negative input.
2007-05-08 15:46:56 · update #1
You have great thoughts there. Suggestion: You should post this as a poem in the Arts and Humanities section. There are great writers there.
Peace and blessings!
2007-05-08 15:47:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
its beautiful
just a thought
the poem would flow a bit better if you changed this line a bit:
you'll wipe my tears and say
change to:
you'll wipe away my tears and say
you'll have my back no matter what, as long as i believe
who's back? that line should be revised
(what do you mean by this? maybe explian a bit more)
dont listen to those idiot people making insulting comments. they are just jealous that they cant write as well as you can!
its one of the most beautiful poems i have ever read, honeslty, im not just saying that! its straight from your heart and i love it! well done! not many people can express themselves as well as you can!
God bless!
:-)
2007-05-08 21:15:56 · answer #2 · answered by Robin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just my thought on these lines: you are my heart & soul the savior of my life
you are my hot and cold the darkness & the ligh
much like saying, you are my mediocrity - plus they are much cliched. if you accept my suggestion, replace these two lines
2007-05-08 15:45:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's a nice poem. It's very sincere and heartfelt. I can't believe some of the rude responses you got! Don't let them get to you - they're just being mean for the sake of being mean.
Besides, the One you wrote it for is the only one whose opinion really matters. And, I'm sure He loved it!
2007-05-08 17:01:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a sprint too rapidly forward, attempt to apply greater metaphors, thats generally what bands do in certainly one of those style curiously such as you're. the objective audience doesnt choose to understand precisely what the music is approximately, you're able to be form of like a woman, dont supply all of it away so quickly, enable the dude decide what you choose, hehe. theres a metaphor good there, dididili, i think of ill supply songwriting a try, lol...
2016-10-04 14:35:18 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your creation, but I strongly recommend you focus on your capitalization, punctuation, contractions, and avoid the excessive use of the ampersands. The word 'and' is still in use for all writers.
Consider investing in a reference manual called "The Elements of Style" by Strunk and Williams. Pros and novice writers use it regularly.
2007-05-08 15:53:21 · answer #6 · answered by Guitarpicker 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Immediantly?
2007-05-08 15:41:30 · answer #7 · answered by Neeva C 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
its good, i just think u should take the "&" out of lines 6 and 8 because it makes it sound like a run on sentence. it sounds just as nice without it.
2007-05-09 00:46:12 · answer #8 · answered by Miki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My thought is about your (copyrighted) comment. If this truly moves you and makes you feel closer to your savior why wouldn't you share it freely?
2007-05-08 15:49:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As you said, a little rough but it is very heart felt and I liked it.
2007-05-08 15:42:54 · answer #10 · answered by Mr. E 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋