I work at a preschool and a co-worker is having trouble making ends meet. Last month the church paid her $1200 rent. When I came home from school today there was a message on my answering machine from her friend. She is asking us all to donate money from "the kindness of our hearts". She only needs $750 more....yada yadda. OK...so all of us at school only make $8/hour. Do you think I should feel guilty for not contributing? Shouldn't she have caught up on her rent by now given that she had a free ride last month? I just don't get it. She comes to school w/ nice clothes and highlighted hair. I just think something is not right.
2007-05-08 15:04:54 · 20 answers · asked by 30 year old 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It depends on where her money is going. Well first of all, no, you should NOT feel guilty for not chipping in. That being said, she makes $8 like you do, but does she have four or five kids to support and an ex-husband who won't pay child support? Does she insist on living in a really nice area of town just to say she can, instead of living in a moderately priced house/apartment? Does she drive a luxury car? Does she go out partying every night and drink her paycheck away? Does she use drugs? Honestly if I were in your shoes, I'd ask her where her money goes. Normally that's a very nosey and impolite question to ask someone just for the heck of it, but in this case, she's asking you for YOUR money to help her. If you're going to be paying her bills for her, I think you have every right to know why, personally.
If she's coming in with nice clothing and highlighted hair, I'd say she's scamming you guys and the church.
2007-05-08 15:32:58 · answer #1 · answered by brevejunkie 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel guilty. Her financial irresponsibility is not your problem. Next time she hits you up for money (or starts hinting that she needs it) hand her the card of a credit counselor and say something like "so-and-so really helped put me on track" (Even if this is a blatant lie, you still need to work with this person so you don't want to make this seem judgemental. Make it seem like you are trying to help in your own 'obtuse' way).
When she hints she's gonna fall short on rent this month give her a sympathetic smile and say "Yeah I know what you mean. Every month it seems I just barely scrape it together." (Again, this could be a blatant lie. But it gets the message across that hitting you up for money is a lost cause because you don't have any to give)
Hope this helps
2007-05-08 18:23:31 · answer #2 · answered by LX V 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're kidding, right? If she had had some sort of tragedy in her life -- if her home had burned down, or she'd been in hospital or something of that sort, then of course her co-workers could chip in and help out to get her over that particular hurdle. But just because she doesn't know how to handle her money? Give me a break. She makes the same money as you do. If you keep subsidizing her like this, she isn't going to see any reason to give up her highlighted hair and nice clothes, because, why should she? Her co-workers are giving her free ride. In effect, you are giving her a raise and taking a pay cut yourselves.
Something is definitely not right, and you should feel no obligation to bail her out. In fact, you have been overly generous already.
2007-05-08 16:39:59 · answer #3 · answered by old lady 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be very careful here. Don't judge by appearances and don't give in to the temptation to gossip. Please don't. Go directly to her and ask her gently how things are going. If you can get her into a conversation where you can ask these questions without being rude, that's your best bet. You may also want to see if she needs help -- other than financial -- in making ends meet. Show her where to shop for better prices, how to cut back, and so forth. It is highly possible that she has severe debt, possibly school loans, and other things of which you may not be aware. It also possible that she is mismanaging her money, or is deliberately deceitful. The only way to find out which is the real truth is to ask her.
It may be an old saying, but it still applies: talk TO her not ABOUT her.
2007-05-08 15:17:06 · answer #4 · answered by thejanith 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am a person that would go out of my way to help someone in need, but...I think if her rent was paid last month she dang well has had enough time to save up for this month. I think maybe she's a user, as a matter a fact I would bet she's taking advantage of people. How can anyone expect you or anyone else, thats only making $8.00 an hour to contribute to anyone except yourself.
Just say, "no."
2007-05-08 15:18:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's not rude to ask. If anyone is being rude, it was him for doing that knowing his portion cost more. The way we have always worded it is.......We ask what everyone is getting and then pick out those that food about equals and say well since our meals will be in the same price range we can get them all on the same bill and just split it. That leaves the person ordering steak to either choose the same price range or get his own ticket.
2016-05-18 21:48:37 · answer #6 · answered by charlotte 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something is fishy and I would not feel guilty by not contributing.
Point out to her that if she can afford highlighted hair she does not need any extra money. She is not making enough to afford the apartment so she should relocate to a better affordable place instead of living literally rent free.
2007-05-09 03:40:44 · answer #7 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she's taking you all for a ride...unless she is deathly ill and unable to work and recieves no social security then I don't think you all should be help pay her rent or any other bill for that matter. If you are all making the same hourly rate then why is it that you all are surviving and she can't manage. Maybe she's spending her money on her hair and not on the rent because she knows you all are going to foot the bill.
2007-05-08 15:10:42 · answer #8 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Something is not right and don't get sucked into this scam, unless she has a charitable organization number, issues receipts and its all tax deductible for you.
The kindness of your heart belongs to taking good care of yourself - really $8.00 an hour is poor salary for taking care of other people's children.
She is not your responsibility, don't get caught up in discussions at work about her financial needs - she can go to the welfare office - let them deal with her expenditures and rent.
2007-05-09 04:05:25 · answer #9 · answered by Pacifica 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is no way that one person can pay a $1200 a month rent if they only make $8 an hour...nor is there anyway that you all can be expected to pay it for her every month, yet, as long as you continue to do it, she will continue to expect it....and spend her money or other things, besides rent...
she obviously needs to move into something more in her price range...and stop splurging on the latest hairstyles and clothing...unless of course she wants to get two more jobs to fund this lifestyle...either way, this is HER problem, dont let it be YOURS any longer...she obviously doesnt appreciate it, she expects it.
i think that you all need to stop paying her bills for her and let her dig herself our of her own mess....
2007-05-09 02:45:18 · answer #10 · answered by Cinna 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋