my exwife gives/buys me gifts from my son(7yrs old) for b-day,fathers day.The problem is she treats my new wife like crap(jealous).This makes my wife not want me to give her gifts from my son for her b-day or mothers day.my son does make gifts at school for his mom so how should i handle this.
2007-05-08 14:44:56 · 12 answers · asked by gerrymakey675894 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I think your ex is trying to keep peace and by you and your exwife buying gifts for each other it comforts your son (even if you don't see it) remember your ex will be there the rest of your son's future and there will be events in which you and her will have to plan and it is best to keep an open minded relationship with her if only for your son. I know your wife now thinks its jealousy but in reality it is not. good luck in the future.
2007-05-08 14:54:01 · answer #1 · answered by cassie 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your wife needs to show the maturity your ex-wife does and realize that it's about teaching your son about being a giving person, and remembering your loved ones on important days. Your son's gifts from school are great, but that's not the point. Your son also needs to give her gifts on Mother's Day, her birthday, etc. so that he learns to think of others. This frankly has nothing to do with your wife, unless she decides she can step up to the job of teaching your son good habits.
2007-05-08 21:53:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You buy the small gifts. I'm sorry but your new wife is wrong on this one. The gifts are a sign of respect towards your ex- and it shows your child that you can still be considerate and care for one another. It is important for a child to see that you have a good relationship with the other parent. They see that they don't have to choose sides or distrust another parent. Talk to your wife and let her see that she needs to be the bigger person in this situation and think of the example you will be setting for your son.
2007-05-08 22:00:17 · answer #3 · answered by terasa425 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with your new wife. Your son, I'm sure, makes you gifts at school as he would his mother and that is more than enough for you. It's not about buying something you should appreciate what your son makes you! Your ex takes it upon herself to buy you those gifts. She's probably not doing it for your son. You don't owe your ex any kind of gift. You owe those to your new wife and her only.
2007-05-09 13:47:13 · answer #4 · answered by Just me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My step-daughter goes back and forth between our home and her mom's home. For my husband's first birthday that he and I were together, her mom bought him a present "from his daughter" but she was only 2 at the time, and she and I had already gone out to get his present.
Our situation is a bit different, my husband and his ex were never married, and he had his daughter from birth-2 years of age because her mother walked away. When my step-daughter was 2 years old (1 month after my husband and I were married) her mother took her for the day and moved 4 hours away from us.
Anyways, he told his ex that it wasn't OK for her to be buying him presents, that it wasn't her responsibility. He told her that I am the one who will take his daughter out to get him birthday and father's day gifts. She didn't like it, but she accepted it.
I think if your son asks to get something for his mom, then it would be OK to get something. Do you have him get his step-mom a card on Mother's Day or for her birthday? Maybe showing your wife that she is special in your son's life as well will help.
Good luck.
2007-05-08 23:53:42 · answer #5 · answered by usmcbrat0 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lady31 is right. Just take your son shopping, help him make something for his mother, etc. Remember the amount you spend does not matter to a 7yr old. Your new wife just needs to stay out of it, or put your son's feeling first. This is your son and you need to deal with your ex-wife forever, and I mean FOREVER, I have two older children and we still have to talk and act sociable when it deals with the children weather we like each other or not.
2007-05-08 21:57:54 · answer #6 · answered by Eric R 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Even though you are paying for the gift it is all for your son. The new wife just needs to understand that. If he gives you something that he buys then he will feel bad if he doesn't have the same opportunity to do the same for his mom. One solution would be just tell him that you would be more than happy for him just to make you something then he can do the same for his mom and not feel bad about it.
2007-05-08 21:55:43 · answer #7 · answered by volsman1999 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is the responsibility of EVERY parent to teach their child manners, including the joy and responsibility of remembering holidays, planning for them, and choosing a gift for loved ones.
This is not about you or your wife or even your ex-wife. It is about the responsibility you have to teach your son to be a kind-hearted, thoughful gift-giver. Period. Oh, and your ex's treatment of your new wife has absolutely nothing to do with that responsibility.
2007-05-08 21:56:09 · answer #8 · answered by Amy S 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's hard for the ex-wife to except that you've moved on in your life, maybe she still has feelings for you.... I'm trying to be honest here without knowing the circumstances of your breakup it's hard to say why, but your Ex-Wife is trying to make the life with your son as normal as possible and for him to give you presents just because you're no longer married to his mother why shouldn't life be as normal as possible....
Exs don't like the invasion of someone else in their space and that's what your new wife is an invasion into her family... In time it's your son that will make his own judgement.... Yes it could be jealousy, but at least you have contact still with your child some fathers either don't care and are pushed out of the equation....
I agree let your son choose the gift for his mother therefore it's not coming from you in person, maybe she still wants something from you and a gift where you're choosing it is still for her maybe you're still showing your affection for her... as you know what she likes, letting your son pick it out and offer suggestion on the right colour etc... It's not the gift that really matters it's the thought of the gift.... If you're feeling uncomfortable maybe help your son make something for his mother and get your new wife involved with making it....
I know I was much older when my parents split up and hated the new woman in my fathers life... not from what my mother said nor how upset she was from the split, it was because this woman had taken my dad away from me.... After getting to know this woman I have found that she is sincerely suited for my Father and they've been together for over 20 years now, he's a completely different person with his new wife (my step Mother) than with my actual mothers relationship.. My step mum is more like my sister and we get on really well I love her to bits... Yes my mum was very upset with the split and she never stopped me from seeing my Dad however she couldn't judge his new partner now wife as she didn't know the person so really has no judgement on the person's characteristics or personality or the person themselves....
Tell your new wife that you love her and unfortunately he's your son and he is also part of your life... It's hard to not upset either parties as you love to people your new wife and your son.... Get your new wife involved in either making or heling choose the present.... Ignore how your ex-wife is in time it'll either go away or she'll get tired of it, maybe she doesn't realise she's doing it.... As long as it doesn't affect your relationship with your son, otherwise it could get worse....
Maybe your wife doesn't like the fact that your son now may think your new wife is his mother.... Jealousy kicks in as she might be frightened that she'll be a better mother and that he's having more fun with you and your wife than with his mother....
Maybe you need to say something to your Ex and tell her to try and be nice as you've noticed the way you treat your new wife is noticed by your son and affecting him, not only is it upsetting him but you too.... Tell her your new wife doesn't get affected by it, as sometimes exs like to wind up the new person just to get one over... If you turn the other cheek it should go away they want a reaction and if you're giving it then you're playing her game.... Not to play is the key, if you all can....
Good luck your family is the most important thing to look after, Your New Wife and Your Son...
K
2007-05-08 22:07:10 · answer #9 · answered by K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
explain to your new wife the fact that it's her son and no matter what she is going to be involved in your life because of him. its not her decision and i think you should contiue the gifts. your son has a right to give his mother gifts and vice versa. communication is the key trust me man. your kids are way tooo young to be away from his mother. hope that advise helps man good luck
2007-05-08 21:56:16 · answer #10 · answered by Thomas 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋