does my dad deserve to see me and.....?

Question

my brother and sister.he never contacts them they ar both under 10yrs ,he last time they went 2 visit my granny .they was there for about a week and my dad only so them for about 10 hours .does he really want to have anything to do with him?he is an alcholic and has a new wife the situasion is very bad.he does say that he misses them and wants to be with them ,but when hee has the chance he would rather be with his wife.im not going into,to much detales because if i did i would be here for ever hehe.thanx.and sorry about some of the spelling im dislexic thanks agen for baring with me.xxxx

well the spell chek doen not do the how quistion just the top part so ,i only said that so ppl didnt slag me off for my spelling cuz they have be for and som1 toled me 2 just say that so ppl dont slag me of for being dislexic...shame on you lol .xx

Cyclone Ranger ♂ what ar u talking about you neep!

Answer 1

Tell your father that until he gets his problems straighten out, he shouldn't see them or you. He needs to work this out and being around you isn't going to help. Tell him if you mean that much to him, that he will work his butt off to get better.

Answer 2

Hi, i have a father who isnt a alcholic but is like a jack in the box, he just pops up once a year if im lucky. As a child it hurt alot, his new wife and kids were his only priority, but he was my dad and i just accepted that that was who he was. Now im older with children of my own (and he still hasnt changed) i wish id kept him out mylife, at least until he made much more effort. I think id rather of been put last once wen i was a child and walked away rather than repeat it thro my life. The reality is that hes ur blood and he should want to spend time with u, no matter what his issues u should come first, maybe doing what i do and look at him as more of a mate than a dad may help?

Answer 3

I have two young children living in another state, I see about 2-3 times a year for a span of 1-2 weeks each time by court order.

This is a tough situation, but one I can offer some insight to. I can relate from both sides having a very dis concerned mother growing up.

I miss my children. But the infrequent contact with them muffles the pain somewhat when they aren't in my presence.

The pain was really bad in the first stages of separation. I felt like my world was totally turned upside down having been a involved father prior. It tore me up to contemplate what my own children must have been going through.

I notice that the pain resurfaces when they are in my custody for visitation the most. I'm totally happy they're with me but at the same time I'm rotting inside knowing that their time with me will be short. I do my best to keep my cool for them and handle. When they leave I'm completely useless to anyone for a few days as those feelings of great loss become relived.

I guess your mind and body adjusts to the reality of the situation. I think a lot of people who don't understand are quick to see this as indifference. I just think it's a survival mechanism and you do the best you can to keep your head above the water. Some people do this through denial or justification.

We hear about these dead-beat Dads and Moms and we wonder how they could hurt their children by being absent.
There's usually a family history involved and in my experience these dead-beats are very much suffering throughout their lives too.

I think your Dad may very well love you. Yet, I think there's some issues in his life that he hasn't come to terms with which is keeping him in a vicious cycle of self denial and in a inner circle of hurting himself and others.

As you can attest, parental love is very important. What you can do is break the cycle with your children and ensure that they know that Mom and Dad is there.

Ultimately, what is done is done. If you're expecting a payback of sorts or retribution for the misery it has caused you, it may be a long while of waiting if you even see it at all.

The only thing you can do is handle each situation with the best of your ability and intention at it happens, careful not to bracket all the past with the present.

Love is just that. You can't place a label on it no matter which way you slice it. Sometimes we brush it away if it doesn't come in the form we expect or desire.

Answer 4

Your stepdad is both thoroughly evil or mentally sick. this isn't karma it really is all of your stepdad's situation. HE might want to study the thanks to be the bigger guy. there isn't any excuse for destroying a guy's genuine looking this, particularly no longer an affair. i ought to have a extreme talk together with your mom about this because your stepdad looks to have some extreme moral flaws. it really isn't any longer some thing your choose exceeded right down to their little ones if any. also i ought to point flat out calling the police in case your "stepdad"(sot even effective if he merits that call) ever lays his hand on everybody back.

Answer 5

my dad left my mom when I was 3, hasn't paid child support for the past 6 years and he and his wife currently have 6 figure income each... I don't get a dime of it, and that's how I know he and his wife dont give a **** if I died.. he pretends to care about me and my sister but personally I don't want anything to do with him because he doesn't really care. some guys just keep in contact for their pride or they feel obligated to, I don't think they deserve their kids' time and emotional stress, but I don't know what your situation is... if he doesn't deserve it don't waste your time on him. dads are fucked up for not being there for their kids.

Answer 6

sounds the same as my dad, he left us when i was 12, im now 29, ive seen him once since, and he's a let down, i even gave him the privilige of meeting my kids, but he never bothered with them,my sisters or me, you will be a better person in the long run if you can decide one way or the other what you want. dont let him dictate and have you clutching at straws, he will learn in his own time. good luck :-)

Answer 7

first up, theres a spell check you can use before posing a question so you have no need to worry,

next, you should ask your brother/sister/yourself it YOU all want to see your father, maybe they want to you don't or whatever, but you are all able to decide what TV programme you want to watch right? so you can also decide if you want to see this man anymore. Its a difficult decision to make but ultimately one you need to think about separately and come to the best conclusion for you and no one else.

Answer 8

Your Dad sounds like a jerk to me, so I think you're better off without him. He generally sounds like bad news.

I suggest you look for a connection with other adults, family friends, teachers the like. Many of these "adopted" adults are better then any parent could be, its important to realise that a real father is more then a biological connection, they ahve to be there and if they refuse to do that, then they're not really a father.

Answer 9

are they actually his kids?? as harsh as it sounds do u know the full story behind his seperation with your mum?? u also dont know what poison this new woman is pouring into his ears? if it bothers u so much do some digging!! or give him an ultimatum!! you see me with the others or not at all!!!!!!!!

u have to be strong even if he is an alcoholic!! been there seen that!! but do what is right for you!!! but do not make decions for your siblings they will resent you for it!!

Answer 10

He is your father and I think that you should respect him as your father. But on the other hand it is up to him to decide whether seeing you or not. If he is refusing to see you, then it is his mistake and I am sure that there will be time when he will get angry with himself for refusing to see you (preferred to stay with his wife than spending time with his children).