Does my father have the right to be angry with me?

Question

Bear with me, people. This is going to be a bit long, but if you stick around to read and respond, I'd really appreciate it.

My father and mother divorced when I was 4 years old. My mum and I went to live in another state, and I have visited my dad a few times a year since then (I'm now 20 years old).
His family is full of over-achievers; all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins have all gone to really good colleges and have gone (or are going on) to be doctors, lawyers, etc..
My mother mainly raised me and she and her family are not so much over-achievers as they are simplistic people. I did OK for myself in high school, but not as well as I know I would have had I been raised by my father.
I started college in 2005 and went to a school that my dad wasn't too proud of (not a big, well-known, state school). I didn't do too well because I got lazy the first semester, so I decided to take a summer course at the local community college to bring up my GPA. My dad was less than pleased with

that decision; in fact, he seemed disappointed and embarrassed. I decided after that summer course that I would continue to take my "core" classes at the community college and then continue with my major at my original university. I didn't tell my dad because I was (and still am) embarrassed. I know that he would be unhappy about it and I just decided not to tell him.
Well, he found out today that I have been at the community college for the past year. He is extremely LIVID, to put it nicely.
He is going to call me later to talk with me about this. Should I just explain that I was embarrassed to tell him?
I mean, I'm going back to the university this coming semester.. I just want him to be proud of me, and not embarrassed..

Answer 1

First of all, good for you for continuing with your education! Keep it up.

You didn't mention who is funding your education -- is your dad paying for it, and is that part of his response to your switching to the community college? If he is paying for it, you did owe him the courtesy of telling him that you switched schools, but you can explain matter-of-factly that you were reluctant to tell him because you were concerned that he would be disappointed in you.

If he is not paying for your education, and his being livid comes from a sense that you should be at a better school, you may have to stand your ground. Tell him that you understand his concern, but that you are focused now on your academic goals, and that you intend to complete your degree and do x, y, and z with it.

Try not to be defensive about your decision, and do avoid getting into the issue of the "overachiever" vs. "underachiever" side of the family. Stay very focused on your goals and your plan to achieve them.

Speak calmly and with clarity and firmness. If he starts to yell or say angry things you can say politely, "I'm sorry you're so upset Dad. Let's finish this discussion another time. I'm going to hang up now. Goodbye." And then do it.

You do owe your dad respect and courtesy, but it's also up to you, at 20, to direct your life. Good luck, and God bless!

Answer 2

Congrats to you on continuing your education. Who cares where you go. Do not feel embarrsed about nothing. Not unless your Dad is going to pay for a rittzy school you do what you want and be proud of it. You are your own person.

Answer 3

you do what you feel is right!you live your life..not the life your father wants!
and that's what you're going to tell him!does it please you to do that,then just do it!!

but on the other hand if you think your dad is right,tell him so and then maybe you could find a solution!!

Answer 4

Sounds like you are trying to please the wrong person. You don't have to please your dad, you have to please yourself. If he has trouble dealing with that I guess he has a problem.