calling divorced parents do u take your young child out to buy your ex wife a mothers day gift?

Question

I went thru a very bitter divorce and tolerate my ex for my 8 yr old son's sake.My son is making a gift for his mom in school but if he asks to buy his mom a gift what should i say/do?

Answer 1

I hate my ex, alot, but i do make it a point to have our girls get him something for fathers day. the spend it together with their grandparents and him seeing as he is only allowed supervised visits. He does not do the same for me, but then again i would never expect it from him.

Answer 2

Well, my parents were divorced when I was young and they haven't spoken since other than when we were still little and my dad had visitation... BUT, my mom and dad each let us get the other something for those two days. and for their birthdays... They would take us out, and let us pick it out and then purchase it. Then we would give it to the other parent when it came time to. I can say if I ever get divorced (which I am very much happily married) I will do the same.. Although you may not get anything for fathers day, your son WILL remember you as being the bigger and nicer person by doing so. And he will take that with him when he gets older and hopefully do the same with his children.

However, if you absolutely cannot stand the thought of buying your ex a gift, let your son earn the money by doing some chores around the house, and helping you out in the yard.. Give him like 20 bucks for it and tell him to spend it however he wants. If he chooses to spend it on his mom, then so be it.. Drive him to the store and let him spend his own hard earned cash on her so you won't have to.. ;).... Good Luck....

PS... When I was small, I almost always made something for my mom and dad in school, and that was what they got from me. If I didn't make a project, then that was when I would get to go to the store...

Considering his age, he may not even ask since he is already working on something. BUT go ahead and let him earn some money anyways just in case, OR tell him yes if he asks for you to take him to get something....

Answer 3

You will be doing the right thing for your son if you suggest going out to buy his mother (your ex) a mother's day gift, instead of waiting to see if your son asks.

Divorce, especially bitter ones, are very painful to children, even if they do not show it. You want your son to know that even though the divorce was bitter, and there is hurt feelings on both sides, that there is a respect there, because it is best if your son sees that you accept that his mother (good or bad, doesn't matter) is his mother, and that you want him to love and respect her.

Trust me, you can make the day that you two go out to buy a mothers day gift for your ex a special "father/son" day. Take him out to eat, and maybe to a movie also on that day, and then to the store to pick out whatever he chooses for his mother (just watch the price though, because most 8 year olds do not think about cost). Even if it is not a gift that you think she will like, or a gift that you want her to have, allow your son to get that for her.

Mothers Day, like Fathers Day, is about honoring those we love-- it is not about the ex spouses honoring them, it is about the children honoring them. I suggest that it become a tradition that every year you and your son go shopping for a Mothers Day gift for your ex, because not only will your son remember that and love you for it, but your ex will notice also, and it may just make things less negative.

Bottom line- it is the right thing for your child, and it is about your child honoring his mother, regardless of how you feel about her. Use this opportunity to spend the day with your son, and allow him to decide what his mother would like. He will appreciate it more than words will ever express.

Good luck to you, and it is great to know that even with a bitter divorce, your son and his needs come before yours--- you are a true father and a true inspiration :-)

Answer 4

It is best for the boy to see that you and his mom can get along, even if its as simple as letting him pick out some flowers and a card for her. What are you gonna tell him, "I hate your mom so we're not gonna buy her anything"? As hard as it is you need to be civil with each other at the least. My mom never had a nice word to say about my dad, and I resented her for it cuz I loved dad dearly. When I married my first husband, we had a son, and promised each other that no matter what happened between us, we would never bad mouth each other to our son and put him "in the middle" of our issues. To this day my ex and I are practically best friends and our son, now 10 is very happy and well adjusted and enjoys that we all get along. I am not saying u should be best buds with her, but for the kids sake, be as friendly as possible (even if you have to fake it) and save your hostility for when he is not present. It is not about you and her, it is about your son. That is the most valuable lesson I learned from my parents, oddly enough, it was what NOT to do! Good luck and I hope she likes her gift.

PS...You should sign the card/gift too, if not for her, you would not have that precious little man of yours. Thank her for giving him to you.

Answer 5

my ex never reminds my son of my birthday or mother's day. (we were very bitter for lots of years). I always make a point to remind my son of father's day and birthday because he may be a rotten s-o-b, but he is still the father. He does his best with our son and no matter what, our son needs his father. Besides, now that my son is older, he notices how dad always says nasty things about mom that end up not to be true! I don't even have to say that he's a liar coz the kid figured it out on his own.

Answer 6

I am also a single parent. I would suggest to take your son out to buy his mother a gift. You can put a limit on it and let your son pick it out. It is all about the kids and helping them to grow up as mature adults isn't it? I have a 13 year old boy and his father and I have been split up for 10 years. Faithfully every year I give my son 40.00 to buy his father a gift. I have yet to recieve one in return but at least I know that I am looking out for my sons best interests.

Answer 7

I am a single mother and i always buy my son father a father's day gift. And he always make sure our son gets me something for Mother's day. my ex and I are friends we talk about our son and we co-parent. We make sure we respect each other and that our son sees that his parents can have a friendship. His friends wish there parents was like us able to talk and spend time with each other with out fighting

Answer 8

I am a divorced parent as well and I make sure that my girls always remember to get some little something for their dad on Christmas, his birthday and fathers day as well. The only time he has them give me anything is on Christmas, but then again he never was into remembering my birthday or mothers day. I dont do it because I expect anything back, I do it because it makes my children happy to do it. My relationship with their father has nothing to do with them, regardless of the way I feel about him.

Answer 9

If he asks then say yes. Let him pick the gift then you pay for it and don't make a big deal about it. And don't point out to your ex that you took him shopping for the gift or card. Just let him give it to her. You don't want him to feel guilty for wanting to get his Mom a gift, hopefully she can be as kind and understanding when the situation is reversed.

Answer 10

What you must remember is that your son isn't responsible for your marriage break-down and he certainly didn't ask to have it happen.

If you were still married you would be taking him to buy a present, the present is from him, not you, so just because you are divorced doesn't mean that he shouldn't be allowed to buy his mom a mothers day present.

Answer 11

I always asked my stepdaughter what she wanted to do. Some years she did let us help her buy and wrap a present. Some years, just a card. Some years, nothing. It was always up to her & we always let her know that we thought it was a good thing to honor her mother on mother's day.

One very sad year, she excitedly made & decorated a little jewelry box at our house on Saturday. As we were walking out to the car on Sunday morning, I asked her if she remembered the gift. She said that she wasn't sure if she wanted to bring it or not, "What if my mom laughs at it?". :-( I convinced her to bring it with, but she 'forgot' it in the car when she got out at mom's.