How do I know when it's time to give up on a relationship?

Question

I love my boyfriend dearly, and we've been together for nearly two years, but lately i've started questioning if we really have a future. He's had some bad breaks, and made mistakes in his life before i met him, but when i met him, he had just been turning his life around and gotten a job and a car and seemed to be working towards the future. I'm in college and we have a long distance relationship, hoping to move in together after i graduate. But i feel like he's just been waiting for me for the past two years, he says he wants to go back to school, to move into a good apartment and everything, but he hasn't really made an effort to do that. I wont' do anything for him, but i try to help him recognize his options and opportunities, and i feel like he just doesnt act on them. He likes his job, and i dont want to force him to leave, but he needs better pay to do the other things he wants. I dont think he realizes it, but i think im his excuse for not moving forward in his life.

I feel like if he truly wants to do certain things with his life, he can't wait for me to do them, he needs to do some things on his own, even if its just looking at an apartment, classes, or a new job and deciding they're not right for him. I dont want to leave him, but i dont want to enable him either. How can I make him see that he can't just wait for me?

pretty good advise, but your mistaken that i want to give him direction, i dont want to be telling him where to go and what to do, how will he ever make his own choices and feel competent to take care of himself? I want to help him find his direction, but i cant just sit and suggest random things while he goes, nah, not interested in that one, i cant know what he wants unless he does

Answer 1

Buddy, please understand that such things don't mean nothing to moving forward..... thats why he isn't doing them, duh.... you people really get your wires crossed. Yea it be nice, but its not going to satisfy what it is that keeps him from moving "forward". Lets just put it this way, the guy has no real ambitions for himself, outside of you. This would mean your right to be concerned he is co-depending it, but at the sametime he is primed to be what he needs to be for you. Time to play smart, or drop this guy. One thing you need to instill in him isn't how important this stuff is for him, as much as its important for both of you, you get? He's going to fight anything that might even seem close to you pushing him away, and him getting his own momentum in his life would seem just like that. But talk to him in that way, not just about whats good for him, but whats good for the both of you, and maybe you'll be able to motivate him the way you need. Besides thats what its about right? Your concern he is just sitting around waiting on you to give him some direction, your right! Now give him so direction, just base your direction on whats good for both of you, not just saying do this for yourself.... then he'll began to see how helping himself is helping you, and the us you guys are trying to create. If you can't do it like that you just going to make him insecure and defensive....