Help, I'm in love with a baby's daddy!?

Question

I'm in love with a "baby's daddy" but I'm not sure how he feels about me. I have asked him how he felt about me a many times. First he said he loved me and he still says it now but we couldn't be together at the time because we were both in relationships with someone else (2 yrs now). Recently, he has been saying he don't want anything 2 do w/anyone right now becuz he don't want to put anyone thru his baby momma drama becuz he knows how his baby's mother will react 2 him being with another female. Also, he is currently living with his friend at his friends mom's house and his friends mom doesn't want him bringing females (not even his baby's mom) in her house. I don't know if he really does want to be w/me but thinks that it will make my life worst than it already is or if he doesn't want to be w/me & just sticks around 4 the sex. (20 yr old college student who just broke off a 3 yr engagement/he's 21 & a college drop out). What do u think he's up to and/or how do I find out? THX

Time for more details. If he wanted to get me pregnant...he had 2 years so far to make it happen. I was supposed to break up with my now ex-fiance (whom I was cheating on for 2 years w/the baby's daddy) 2 years ago but I didn't. The other guy moved on because he was tired of waiting. He got his gf pregnant in the process. I think she was the one who wanted it because I told him that I wanted a kid plenty of times *jokingly* before he even met her and he told me it was up to me. He quit school to take care of the baby after the baby was born and is now working 2 jobs. He treats me very well and always has. Before he had the kid he spent money on me because he could afford it then. Nothing has changed between us since. Trust me, I have had better: money wise and education wise. My ex was like the guy any female would ever want (thats why i held on to him for so long *3 yrs*) but I didn't love him. I love the guy with the baby and I think he does feel the same way about me.

Answer 1

I know it's a lot of drama, but I also know from experience that you most likely already know what is right for you to do. Nevertheless, you're asking for advice so here it goes:

From what you wrote, I can tell you want to be with him. Period. You feel it in your heart, yet at the same time you're looking for a reason not to stick it out because, really, who wants all that drama and confusion? But you're still with him. You have to clearly see what it is you're doing, not what you aren't. Your actions are just as valid as his.

All you can do is try -- it's a relationship, it'll always be work, but remember the good should outweigh the bad. Do your best to be honest with yourself and with him. Keep an open dialogue, and if that becomes difficult, then try patience... and if that doesn't work, maybe something else will click... you'll know otherwise.

I was in a very similar situation, if not "worse"... (it's always easy for other people to judge and assume until they get wrapped up in a similar situation themselves). We're still together, and we've had MAJOR ups and downs, a lot of it due to his child's mother. If you're a strong person who can handle it, then you find it easy to keep loving him. If it doesn't work out the way you dream it to, at least you won't have any regrets from just walking away because you're worried about a future you can't possibly predict. And remember, you're human and so is he.

P.S. It's very important not to put too much stock in other people's opinions of your situation. THAT in itself causes a lot of worry and aggravation. Don't let pride sway your judgement.

Answer 2

Hon, I would never judge you. We all have our faults. But this is why I say that morality aside, it's wrong to fall for a married guy because it's YOU who ends up getting hurt in the end. :-( I know it sucks. I agree. You probably didn't intend to be put in this situation. At least you're a reational woman who understands that he's not going to leave his wife...many women think that the man will leave the wife when he has no intention of doing so. Consider yourself better off in that aspect! And even though it's not under the greatest of circumstances, you have a life growing inside if you! Congratulations!!! I don't know the entire situation, but I don't think he's totally evil. It's not like he's dropping you because you're pregnant with his child. It's not like you didn't know going into the situation what was going to happen. He isn't going to leave his wife. You know that and you're fine with that. So now you need to figure out a way to not care about him. For right now, that might be virtually impossible. It takes a hardened heart not to love someone that we care about. I'm sorry to say this, but your best bet might be to cut all contact off with him. NOTHING. :-( It will be hard, but that's probably your best bet. When you talk to him, even when you're not sexual, it's still going to tug at your heartstrings. And it might feel like you're dying when you don't talk to him for a long while...but that might be your best bet in getting over him. Focus on that baby. It's all about the baby at this point, not you, not him. Best of luck to you!!! :-)

Answer 3

Let me school you on baby mamma drama, it is not for the weak willed, be really sure the you love this man before you chase this dream. B/c once you commit this woman will be in your life for as long as you are in his. And if I am reading your details correctly, he didn't finish college, which means that his life will be that much harder because he doesn't have a degree under his belt.

If have to ask yourself two questions:

* are you ok with it being just a sex thing?
* can you really handle a three way relationship?

B/c regardless of the fairy tales that you are building in your head about him and this relationship, the truth is that it will get ugly and may never get better, and may turn out to be more pain then pleasure in the end.

Answer 4

"Baby's Daddy"? Don't you mean the father of a child? Don't people understand that fatherhood is sacred? Don't people understand that the term "Baby's Daddy" is demeaning--relegating the child's father to the position of merely a sperm donor?

Come on people--step up and be real fathers and real mothers.

As for the answers to all of your questions--he already knocked up some gal and failed to do the responsible thing!

1. Why would you think so little of yourself to be with someone like that?

2. Don't you really want a responsible guy who knows what being a MAN is? Being a man is being responsible to his family--including his children and the mother of his children.

Grow up and set your sights higher than this!

Answer 5

Im married and my husband thought he had a baby with another girl and belive me she would make our lives a living hell. He found out the baby was not his and she still tries to hold on to him. If I where you if he doesn't show intrest in you I would let him go. It will just end up in heartach and you don't need that. Just think about it and I really think you will be better off with out him you have a good life going and the right guy will come along when its time!

Answer 6

Let him focus on getting that baby raised and you aren't ready for stepparenting. You will always be second in many ways. I became a stepmom at 29, so I know what I'm talking about, but I was ready for it. It's more important for him to raise that baby, versus date, so let him go. He also sounds like he doesn't know what he wants, so keep looking. Don't have sex with anyone until you are married to them. As you now know, sex makes babies, and neither he nor you are ready for that, plus there are many other consequences of sex before marriage that you aren't ready for. No one is.

Answer 7

Sorry girl, but he does not want you. If he loved you he would leave the baby momma. You have to undstand that you can do better. Think what will you be missing if you stop messing with him. He has NOTHING TO OFFER ANYONE. Dump him and open your eye's for a good man. You deserve greatness

Answer 8

Listen I think you're worth more than that an you don't have to be hanging around some guy who doesn't appreciate you for who you are. I suggest you get over him and go get a new man besides there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Answer 9

This guy is using you and it seems like he is making up excuses to only use you, maybe he is looking for another baby mama.
You can do better, try to find a nice school thug.
At least you know he won't be in jail for being a deadbeat and you won't have to deal with his psycho ex.

Answer 10

Girl you need to listen to him! If HE himself is telling you that there will be drama if y'all hook up, then he's right, you should leave him alone or you will regret it. Sorry to say but its not worth it girl. Find someone who doesn't have a kid.