My husband is in the military and we got "married" shortly before he was getting sent to another duty station. We didnt have a ceremony, in fact, most of my family doesnt even know. We did all of the legal stuff to get married, we share the same last name and I'm a legal military dependent but it was never an "in the eyes of God" thing, so we're legally joined, but his family(and the parts of mine that know) only consider us engaged until we have the religious ceremony. Well, we're doing that spring of next year, Can we have a regular 'wedding' and just not do all of the legal stuff (since it's already done). And can i still use my maiden name in the ceremony, and just leave out the part where the pastor says "and i now present for the FIRST time...."
Has anyone ever done this? I want a real wedding, not a renewal of vows ceremony.
2007-05-08 09:12:42 · 11 answers · asked by a jarhead's wife 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Of course you can have a "real wedding". Do it however you want it done.
Don't worry about what other people say. This is YOUR day and your time and a time for your Union to be BLESSED.
Best of luck to you and good luck.
2007-05-08 09:20:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I did this. We had a legal ceremony in October and a wedding in April. You do not have to have any legal items for the second one. I wrote all my vows and ceremony. I used my maiden name on invitations and in ceremony. Only a few people knew we were married. Since you are legally married, you do not have to have marriage licence. And yes they can say the first time thing. I would discuss this with the pastor. He should not have a problem. If it is an issue just have his say, "I know present for the first time in present company." I used my pastor t the second ceremony and he was fine with it all. I met with him and had the counceling my state requires, to get a discounted marriage licesnce price,after the fact, so I had to pay full price, at marriage time but I had everything I wanted at second ceremony.
2007-05-09 02:29:18 · answer #2 · answered by mamatucker 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure, the pastor can say, "Do you Anna Nicole take John Paul do be your lawfully wedded husband, etc." and then present you as Mr. and Mrs John Paul Sebastian or even present you as Anna Nicole and John Paul Sebastian at the end. You are still considered a bride so everything else applies.
You can even go all out and wear the white dress and your husband in formal military attire or the tux with bridesmaids, groomsmen, a full blown reception with first dance, tossing bouquets, etc.
It's not that uncommon for couples, due to mitigating circumstances, to have a civil ceremony and then follow it up with a religious ceremony with all the trimmings.
2007-05-08 09:41:25 · answer #3 · answered by Survivors Ready? 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I had a friend who did this, for the exact same reason. Her hubby had a sudden deployment, so they ran to the courthouse to get the marriage legalized. While he was away for 13 months, she planned the wedding. She had the dress, bridesmaids, the works. I think the minister in the ceremony just used their first names during the vows, and he even did the whole "I present for the first time in public, Sgt. and Mrs. John Smith." Because it was the first time in public they appeared as a married couple...so think about it that way.
2007-05-08 10:04:35 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can. There are aspects that will be altered. You may want to refer to it, instead of a "wedding," as a formal exchanging of vows, renewing your vows, or a public celebration of your marriage.
If you don't want people to find out about it otherwise, at the end of the ceremony, have the introduction, worded as "It's my pleasure to present to you Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" or "It's my pleasure to present to you John and Jessie Smith."
We did something very similar to this. The problem we ran into came later. We would celebrate our wedding in December, but our wedding was in June. If someone asks how long we're married, it's hard to keep straight who knows we've been married six years instead of five. Later, after the dust settles, I would let your immediate families know the truth, because it can really bother them if they feel lke they'd been lied to.
2007-05-08 10:06:53 · answer #5 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like they just got married to have on paper so if want to have the actual wedding can pretend that the legal documents dont exist and do it all over. just really dont have to do papers later if already done and just get married like its a wedding not a ceremony and dont have to leave anything out or omit because if looking to celebrate then you could feel short changed and might not feel like real thing if certain parts traditions are left out. if dont have to hurry on paper work etc its better to plan for a wedding and take care of extras later so can feel an actual excitment that your going to get married on...and not like im already married but gonna have a party.
2007-05-08 10:44:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can have whatever you pay for. Remeber the pastor works for you during your ceremony...you are paying him, so he should say whatever you want him to say....as long as its in the belief of the pastor and the church...if not....find a new pastor and church. I think that it's very sweet for you and your husband to have a wedding ceremony, even though your already married. I think every woman should have this special day! I think it makes the marriage more special....Congratulations!!
2007-05-08 10:16:09 · answer #7 · answered by Rae-Rae 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes you can do this. My fiance and I were going to do it because we didnt think we would have the money to do the wedding ceremony by the time we needed to marry. Fortunately it all worked out and we were able to save the money for the ceremony. Congrats on your marriage. Congrats on the wedding. A big thank you to you and your husband for his service to our country.
2007-05-08 09:38:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sure I've heard it be done many times, mainly with people in your situation.
The thing is, since you ARE already married, it would be considered a renewal of vows ceremony.
2007-05-09 03:02:10 · answer #9 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you just use your first and middle name (omit last name)...
Do you, Samantha Ann, take John Smith...
You could also keep in the presentation line, but just have the pastor say "and I now present Mr. and Mrs. John Smith."
2007-05-08 09:19:09 · answer #10 · answered by duritzgirl4 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋