Who can't get along with their mother?

Question

My Mom has always been the kind of Mom who physically takes care of her kids, but is not loving. There was never any hugs or I love yous. My parents to this day have never told me they love me. Im 37. They put us kids down.....your not smart enough, your not pretty enough........always picking out our flaws. Well its still going on. I've gone overload my schedule to prove to myself I am way more than my Mom ever wanted me to be. She hates me for this and is constantly trying to make me miserable. I try to stay away from her because I just dont want the pain and hurt that comes with it. Am I the only one who cant stand my Mom?

I started night college a year ago....I hid it from her. But when she found out she said, "why are you doing that, you're not smart enough!" yet she never worked and still doesn't. Friends tell me she is jealous of me cuz I am everything she never had the drive to do.

Answer 1

Listening to your story, feels like I am talking, I know exactly how you feel, my mother is dominating and controlling, and me being the third and unwanted girl in the house, she never liked me, my grandfather raised me, then when I was 10 he passed away, and I was bought back, from that day until today, I have been craving for her effection and love.
Today I am a middle aged woman, mother of two grown up boys, and today she is 80 seriously ill, heart patient, we are four brothers and sisters, noone wants to take care of her, and I volunteered, thinking that today she is so vulnerable, that she needs me, and I will get her attention, that I have been craving for years, quit my job and moved to Chicago, and am on my feet day and night, its been 9 months, and do you think she appreciates?
No matter how much I do, or what I do, its never enough, infact always complaining, because she is sick and so old, I don't want to yell at her, or get mad, I feel so frustated, I am severly deepressed, heart broken and sucidal.
The sad part is, I have begun to hate her.
I know its so hard to believe, that mothers could do such a thing, but its true.
So! You see, you are not the only one, but there are worst people like me, I am in my mid 40's and this is happening to me till this day.

Answer 2

Hi there!
I'm glad I'm not the only one who has to deal with this issue! WHEW! What a relief!

I'm a bit older than you, but I can totally relate to your post.
My mother married very young and had me at age 21. She had me and my two brothers, and ironically still tries to control my life and my decisions...!
My two brothers are moochers, never studied beyond high school, did drugs and alcohol, and are still single. I have a university degree (BA), and a type of Master's degree in teaching, got married, have a child and have worked hard at trying to be good in the different roles I have to play.
Yet....Things are never good enough for her. I should be thinner, earn better, be happier, be a better mom and daughter...The list is endless.

(To give you an idea....I usually wear casual clothes, and she mentions how "unkept" I look. When I showed up dressed up nicely and with my hair and nails done some months ago, her remark was: "Well! So you finally decided to look like a lady!" instead of : "You look nice!") ((SHRUGS))

She has many issues, and although I respect her and know that deep down she loves me and wants good things for me, her way of showing it hurts. So for some time now I have undergone therapy and it has helped me to figure out that she projects things she feels she missed out on, like a carreer. (She was studying abroad and when she came to visit her mother she met my dad, and they got married 7 months later...)

I have decided to have my child see her and love her as a grandma, but I limit my visits because the stress is always there. She will not change; therefore, it is me who has to protect my heart and mind, and try hard not to let her comments hurt me anymore.

Good luck to you! You are NOT alone!

Answer 3

You and I are in the same situation, but I am about 10 years younger. I have found that the best way to avoid all of this is to avoid the problem, your mother. I have done that and man, my life is stress free and no worries. It will be hard at first, but in the long run you will be a happier person.

Answer 4

No you are not the only one. I have said a final goodbye to my mom. She did say she loves me, but the feeling was different. it took me 30 years to figure it out, but she really did not want me... however painful that was, it meant to me that she really could never love me. I have tried to love her anyway, but she insists that I am psychotic.... and goes to my home-doctor to tell him that, after she had not seen me for 15 years.... so, however much I want a loving and caring mother, I had to say goodbye to this one, because she kept hurting me... there is only so much a person can take, and of course it was my fault that we broke contact.... truly, I am more happy without her. It hurts that I had to accept that loss, but now I am free to find mother-like people in my life who can fulfill that role, instead of going deeper into despair of never being able to please her... so... no you are not the only one... I wish it were different, but my mom is emotionally abusive. You can almost never put your finger on it, but my feelings knew. I did not like to say goodbye, but in the end i can live better and with way less pain.

Answer 5

No you are not alone. My mom left me at age 6 months and didnt return till my 7th birthday i am now 21 and happy. My mom never cared for me seh let bad things happen to me and i still to this day can not forgive her because she went off and had two boys and half way raised them but couldnt me. I dotn talk to her still to this day.

Answer 6

i used to hate my mom as well, but we are OK now. We had to communicate with one another to figure out what was really going on with us as individuals. From what you have written it sounds like that what your parents are doing is probably what their parents did to them. They probably don't feel good about themselves and need to pass that miserable feeling onto you and your siblings. Maybe they never received the encouragement they needed in order to be more happy and loving.

Answer 7

ive always hated the way my mom treats my dad he pays for everything the bills for the kids expenses groceries and my mom works but spends all her money on qvc and she doesnt do jack around the house my siblings and i clean and cook my mom is useless and she complains about us all the time! like about how we dont do enough for her! she gets treated like a queen and doesnt know it? shes an ungrateful fool

Answer 8

I have the same problem. My mom is very moody and swings back and forth as to whether or not she hates me. Check out a book called "Walking on Eggshells." This helped me immensely.

Answer 9

There are many people who don't get along with their parents.
Did you ever go to therapy for it. I am sorry to hear that. Always keep your head up. Everything will be okay. I don't know from experience but i want to show my support. <3 I think therapy can help.

Answer 10

I wish my mother was still alive. I lost my mother at the age of 12. You are very lucky to have your mother in your life. Whatever problems you and your mother may have had in the past need to be squashed. Be grateful that you have had a mother in your life to see you into adulthood. Some of us wish that we were so lucky.