how do i tell them i dont want that many bridesmaid i just want 6 and who should i take out. friends form high school, church friends, or family members? or should i have them all?
2007-05-08 07:01:56 · 34 answers · asked by Ethan's Mama 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
How do you add yourselves?I really dont understand. You need to stand up for yourself this is your and your fiances wedding not your friends from highschool etc. Everyone that you asked tell them they are the only brides maids and then tell the other 4 who added themselves that if they would like to help in the wedding as hostess or something that is fine but no they will not be bridesmaids. I would also ask them how they thought they would be bridesmaids.This would def bring out the ***** in me and some curse words would be used as well but you are probably a sweetheart and wont do that.
2007-05-08 07:11:44 · answer #1 · answered by Swan 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unless you're having a 300 person wedding (or more), then 10 bridesmaids is just far too many. It sounds like 6 would work really well - those you are the closest to should have the honor. If you want all 10 people involved, then have a few act as readers or give them other duties ... there will be plenty!!
2007-05-08 13:32:23 · answer #2 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell them flat out that you are not able to have so large a wedding party, you're "flattered" that they would want to be a part of your special day, but that 6 is the limit. 10 bridesmaids is insane.
Remember that in years to come, those in your family that you exclude will still be a part of your family while the girlfriends that you are so "close" to now may be scattered far and wide. Take care not to hurt the feelings of family members.
I was not very close to my sister in law and did not have her in my wedding; the girls that were in the wedding .... some of them I haven't seen in 20 years. But my sister in law is still my sis in law and I know it hurt her feelings when she was not included all those years ago.
My personal experience for who should be included is this: Only those closest to you should be in the wedding party.
Your best bet would be to have maybe your best friend as maid of honor and then only family members for the rest of the wedding. Let's you off the hook with the pushy ones who assumed.
To answerers Sixsixsi and Penmac20: I have NEVER heard of the bride paying for the bridesmaids dresses, shoes and accessories; that is an expense incurred BY the bridesmaids themselves.
2007-05-08 07:21:30 · answer #3 · answered by Army mom 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had my stepmom add to my wedding party without my invitation. I ended up with an extra bridesmaid and 3 flower girls instead of the 1 I asked. I had to cut a good friend I had already asked to be a bridesmaid. Looking back, I wish I had stood my ground and offered the extra family members different roles, like bubble passer after the ceremony or personal attendant.
This is your day. Have who you want standing up for you with you at the alter and assign other duties to the extras.
There are lots of other jobs:
Guest book
Flowers
Personal Attendant
Picture Attendant (making sure photographer gets all your shots, everyone is powdered, and flowers/hands/etc. are in the appropriate places)
Bubble passer
Programs
Gift attendant (making sure gifts are secure during and after the ceremony)
Usher
Nursery attendent (helping parents keep those youngsters happy and quiet during your ceremony so the focus is on you not on them)
Processional Attendent (making sure the pacing of entrance is right)
Bridal room hostess (making sure food, water, etc is available and cleaning up the room after)
Grooms Room Hostess
....
You can make up duties as well. There is so many little details that delegating will make your day less stressful and give a special role to those who want to be a part of your special day.
2007-05-08 07:31:06 · answer #4 · answered by journey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHAT?
The bridesmaids are the ones YOU ASKED.
Just tell them "sorry but I didn't pick you as a bridesmaid".
If they don't get that, then have the bridesmaids you asked and yourself have a little meeting one day for planning. The next day, mention to those that invited themselves that "my bridesmaids and I met last night and are figuring out their dresses", or if they ask about any planning say "my bridesmaids and I are planning it, you'll see at the wedding".
It is rude of them to invite themselves, so don't be afraid to be a little rude back. If they are truly your friends they will understand.
Make sure any plans you have with your side of the wedding party that they are NOT included.
2007-05-08 08:06:46 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is going to be hard. All these pushy people have probably pushed you around for years as it is...
BUT - and this is perhaps fair - even if terribly gauche.
Invite your Mother and M-I-L and all your "Bridesmaids" to a lovely tea house for luncheon. At the end of a lovely meal, announce that your wedding budget and plans allow for only 6 bridesmaids. In order to be fair to all of the wonderful family members and friends you have who long to be a part of your special day , there will be a drawing for the 6 bridesmaids your wedding will allow. Have all their names written on identical cards in unmarked envelopes in a pretty basket and have your mother and M-I-L alternately pull three names.
There will be hurt feelings but at least you were fair.
Of course, you could consider eloping - or even paring down your wedding to just you, fiance, and your respective parents & siblings.
2007-05-08 07:19:12 · answer #6 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're saying that some just included themselves in your bridal party. so i am gonna assume you already asked the six you want. just tell the others in your best charming manner that as much as you appreciate their support and enthusiasm you simply can not keep adding to the party.
simply tell them you can not afford any more bridesmaids and additional groomsmen but is there anyway you can give them other 'jobs' such as:
-ensuring guests sign the guest book as they enter the church
-giving each of your female guests a single floral bloom whether it be a mum or carnation or daisy
-handing each guest the printed program for your service as they come into the church
that type of thing.
these are all duties done at the church so they feel they are part of the service and can later enjoy the reception. asking them to work the reception might make them feel as though they are unpaid waitresses. and besides they will want to enjoy the reception with all your other guests!
good luck with it all
have a lovely wedding
2007-05-08 07:16:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is up to you to choose your bridesmaids and the number you want. Just say, "Hold on, ladies, this is getting out of hand. I can only have 6 bridesmaids but I'm flattered that you all want to be in the wedding." Then pick the ones you want and ask the others to help you in other ways.
2007-05-08 07:05:22 · answer #8 · answered by notyou311 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's your wedding- if you want 6, then have 6. Pick your 6 and tell the others that you're sorry, but there will only be 6 bridesmaids and they're not one of them.
2007-05-08 11:01:40 · answer #9 · answered by K S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If these girls were rude enough to assume they would be a bridesmaid, don't feel rude pointing out that they have made a mistake. I don't think it even needs to be addressed. Obviously you'll be in contact with the bridesmaids you have chosen - asking them to get measurements, telling them where to buy their dress, etc. If any of the "other" girls ask you about it, simply say, "I don't know what you're talking about; you're not in my bridal party." Then THEY'LL feel stupid and you won't be in the awkward position of telling them upfront. You have a right to have whomever you want in your wedding party. If you only want 6, then choose your closest and most special 6 friends/family members and that's it.
2007-05-08 07:06:56 · answer #10 · answered by crabbyone 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋