Im in the middle of a divorce (final the end of May), and I started sort of seeing this guy. I told him we could just be friends, even after we slept together, because he was not what I was looking for in a relationship, and he wanted a long-term relationship and I can't give that to him... Now I am sort of regreting my decision and Im unsure if I just want someone or if I really have true feelings for this guy. Hes so sweet and he is here for me through everything that I am going through with my ex, and I just feel so happy and at peace when I am with him. I try to be just friends with him, but it always turns into more, every time that I see him... so Im not sure if its just the intimacy and feeling of being with someone that I am replacing, or if I truly want a relationship with this guy. How do you know when you are ready to really start dating and how do you tell what feelings are real?? Im really confused and I don't know what to do? I dont wanna hurt this guy!! Please help!!!
2007-05-08 06:48:57 · 16 answers · asked by Chiquita 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sabes que, just let this guy know you are intrested in him and might want a relationship with him, but if he could wait until everything goes through (the divorce) and for him to give you time to clear your head. If he truly loves and cares for you, he will give you all the time you need.
2007-05-08 06:58:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The smart thing to do before you make any decision is to finalize the divorce. You need to get that behind you first. I would not just heedlessly jump right back into another relationship. You need some "YOU" time first to decide what direction and where you really want YOUR life to go. You cannot do this if you are wrapped up in a relationship. I do not doubt that you have feelings for this guy, and it is awful nice that he is sticking around BUT you are really in an emotional mess right now---going through a divorce is very stressful. You might make decisions at this time in your life that you would not make under "normal" circumstances. Perhaps the warm fuzzy feeling comes from the comfort of companionship because lets face it...no one wants to sleep alone. I'd remain friends, but I would not allow this guy to hone in on my insecurities any more than he already has. Be secure in who you are and what you want before you move forward with any relationship.
2007-05-08 14:00:14 · answer #2 · answered by mzadamz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
During a divorce, you need the emotional support from someone who understands and it sounds as if this man was there for you when you needed him the most. You knew that you didn't want a relationship with him, but yet you went through the motions and slept with him. This is sometimes normal behavior when you are on the rebound. Instead of going through the pain alone, you use a crutch to ease the pain but you never get over the pain until you face it head on.
Obviously, if you are confused about a relationship with this man, it is not for you at this time. But please do not hurt him.
2007-05-08 14:06:15 · answer #3 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are very vulnerable and this guy knows on some level that empty part of your heart that wants TLC and to be full again. The intimacy and feeling of being with some who wants you is pretty powerful. If you are rebounding, he is a nice enough guy to do it with and gives you a lot. It's good for your ego and self-esteem.
Being with him is safe, but you need either time or space to sort out your feelings--lots of it. He must know that you must do this and it is not a reflection on hm--it is something you must do. If he allows you this, but is still there when you need him, then you will stop rebounding and begin to love again. I don't think you want any kind of relationship at this point, but this guy provides a source of healing if nothing more.
After my divorce, I did not date for about 5 years nor was I with anyone. I then had a torrid love affair for 8 years--we were in the throes of our mutual divorces with different situations but identical feelings--broken hearts that needed healing through kindred souls--each other. After 8 years we moved on.
Do not commit to anything now, but to yourself. Be good to yourself--you deserve it. Smile once in a while--it can cut down on power bills. Strive to be happy, cry when you must, and seek the peace of mind that is the light at the end of the tunnel. I wish you only good things.
2007-05-08 14:27:23 · answer #4 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to be honest it rebound.. becasue you are in the middle of divorce final in may.. and you seem can't live own your own... and you told him to be friends... if you and him haven't slept or had sex in the first place.. and you need to tell him how you feel and tell him just want to be friend nothing else... that is rebound and you need really tell him jst friends and nothing more..
Pls, make sure not happen again.. Learn this mistake ... soon when a guy comes along you will be truly in love not rebound trust me.. I been there and done that and I learn so much.. I am being honest with you pls do not be mad at me...
2007-05-08 13:55:54 · answer #5 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you should have not slept with him. Now your feeling will be forever tied to the passion that yall shared. You need to step back and see why the past relationship didn't work and don't make the same mistakes that ended your marriage.
Date!! Not just one person but lots to see what it is that you want out of a relationship.
2007-05-08 13:54:03 · answer #6 · answered by Nice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you really wanted to be with this person you would know it and you wouldnt be unsure. If its just a sexual relationship you want and he wants more then its not fair to him to lead him on into thinking that something more can happen. It seems like you are confused and maybe until you are sure and you know without having to think about it that you want to have a relationship with him its better to let him have a chance at a real relationship with someone else.
2007-05-08 13:57:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chances are high he's just filling a void right now, and giving you needed support because divorce is an emotional and stressful thing to go through...
After the divorce is over you'll find out in time if he's really someone you dig, or was just someone who was there when you needed support...
2007-05-08 13:55:04 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rebound.
Look. Stand on your own two feet, put the hormones in their proper perspective and heal from the ordeal of a divorce.
Once you've given yourself some time (and I mean considerable time - like more than just a few weeks) learning who YOU are, then try a relationship.
The good book says, take the mote out of your own eye so you can see to take the cast out of your neighbor's. That means, take care of yourself first.
2007-05-08 13:57:24 · answer #9 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi...The only thing I can tell you is to be honest with this guy. Let him know that you are confused and you need him to be there for you. Im sure if he is as sweet as you say he is he will understand.
We all know that the best way to get over somebody is with someone else...That might not be the right way but It helps.
2007-05-08 14:01:13 · answer #10 · answered by NUB01 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋