What can I do to help my five-year-old son feel more comfortable in front of an audience?

Question

My son, who has never had a shy bone in his body, was in tears this morning while he told me he doesn't want to go to school because he doesn't want to practice for his preschool graduation ceremony next week. I asked why, and he said he has to sing and spell his name in front of everyone. So I told him it was okay to be nervous in front of a big group, that LOTS of people are that way, that I would be there in the audience, and so would Daddy, and his brother, and Grandmama, and his aunt and cousin. He finally quit crying when I asked if he'd like me to talk to his teacher so I could find out what they are singing and we can work on it at home with him. When we got to the school, I got a list of stuff they're doing and will work on it at home.

I want to do something special for him, though, like something physical he can have with him up on the stage. I thought about maybe having a picture of the two of us laminated and on a string, so he can wear it.

Any other suggestions?

Okay, maybe if I comment someone will leave me some appropriate answers.

I am not going to force my child to get up there when he's terrified, but I will attempt to get him comfortable with it. Every kid in his class will be participating and doing the same thing he is, so nobody's picking on him.

The question wasn't should I make my son do something he is terrified to do, nor is it should I make my son feel like a loser because he's got stage fright.

I just want to know some ideas that may help him feel more comfortable so he can enjoy his special day with his class, but not be overly nervous, and yes, to know that I'm proud of him regardless of whether he freezes at the mic.

Answer 1

My mother in law just finished a book... EQ and your Child. You are a perfect cantidate to read this. Go to familypedia.com, and you can get the book there. Your son is growing and changing, and this is normal. Something mihth have contributed to this sudden shy behavior. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Tell him, other kids are doing it too.Let him practice singing the song, and spelling his name. Not many people look at a kids shoes unless there really cute. Maybe put a picture on the toe of each shoe, and when he looks down he can see mommy and daddy.However it is supposed to be his day, let him stay sit with you and when it comes time for his part go up. It will build carachter. If he does it now it will be less of a problem next year at the kindergarden graduation. Help him practice. Don't push him to hard or he will go straight the other way. Good Luck

Answer 3

Praise him for being brave and trying at school. Encourage him to order food at fast food joints and engage in conversations with clerks and strangers (with the rule that we only talk to strangers when Mom or Dad is with us) to help him. Ask him to do a rehearsal (in the safety of his home) in front of You, Daddy, brother, Grandma and anyone else you can get to come over. Many people have stage fright, it is usually the result of a fear of failure, taking him to see someone make a mistake on stage would help too (enlist the help of the local high-school drama or choir). Then he could see that the fear of embarassment or failure does not really end in immediate death (although most of us wish it would have). Have his teacher talk to him about what to do if he makes a mistake or gets too scared to talk, having a contingency plan makes us all feel more in control. Also talk with the teache (minus your little man) about an escape plan if he just freaks when the time comes. A charm for courage is a good idea, but make sure you make at least two just in case.

Answer 4

Hi, I too am mandy s, lol. My daughter has always been somewhat shy especially around lots of people, and I think that you are already doing some great things to help him. One thing that I would suggest is to possibly find a small article of clothing or jewelry that he could wear or carry in his pocket. When he gets scared he could hold it close or squeeze it and he would know that you were thinking of him. Also tell him that if he is afraid of messing up that it won't matter to you that you love him no matter what, and maybe tell him about a time when you did something embarrassing in front of lots of people, but now that most of those people probably don't even remember that you messed up.

Answer 5

Have a rehearsal at home. YOU do it. In front of him, in front of the whole family. Maybe even some neighbors. And then everyone else does it. His turn will be somewhere in the middle.

Frankly, I think the idea of "preschool graduation" ceremony is a bit silly.

Answer 6

Well, actually his comment just shows that he likes animals & thinks the family unit is special! Plenty of little girls (my own included) get excited when they see horses, cows, cats, dogs, etc nursing their young, as well as human mothers. Its not meant in a sexual way at all. Its a normal & healthy stage that kids (around that age) go thru, identifying families & young being cared for. Its important that they learn about nurturing & are encouraged to grow up to someday be good mommies/daddies themselves. Would you think it strange if he was excited & wanted to watch a mama cow feed her baby at the local county fair? Would you think it strange if a little girl tried to breastfeed her baby-doll, instead of offering a bottle? I wouldnt worry too much about it, my son was about that age (4-5) & told me he wanted to marry me! At first I was very disconcerted, then I asked him 'why?' He said it was 'b/c he loved me & then he could live with me forever!' It was sweet really. Your son is still pretty young, its not going to blind him to most of his mother's breast or a little flash. Since he isnt quite a toddler anymore tho I would avoid letting him see the nipple or more than half the whole breast. Its not the easiest, but when starting, switching, stopping: just do it when he's not looking or turn a bit so he doesnt get the whole caboodle. Keep a light blanket/receiver on hand when you sit down to nurse. (Make a blanket, the phone, water bottle, book, pillow, etc part of your grab-n-nurse kit). My son was 9 when my last baby was born, I did just that & tried to be a little modest around him, he wasnt/isnt scarred or weird. Your son isnt going to dwell on it even if he does, its not like he hasnt seen you before (altho he may associate it with animals that do the same thing). I would use the opportunity to encourage him that ALL mammals breastfeed their babies b/c its good for them, let him see some pics of mama/baby animals, encourage him that someday he will be a good daddy. I would avoid making it a "weird" issue, or you will make him think there is something wrong, shameful or weird about women's breasts... or about breastfeeding. Just be nonchalant, he will be bored with the whole idea in a couple weeks anyway.

Answer 7

What more could be done. You’re working on it with him at home, it will give him confidence. You’ve promised to be there and that will give him courage, you’ve even given some thing of yours to take with him, while not being entirely necessary is kind of nice. You’ve done you best just let him wing it. The most important thing is that he feels accepted up there, once you provide that the rest is up to him. Two Thumbs Up

Answer 8

You could give him a "special coin" to keep in his pocket so he can feel it whenever he needs to feel you and his Dad are there for him. Explain how proud he should feel of himself for being up there and how everyone is going to enjoy hearing him!

Answer 9

make the practice at home a fun thing for you to do. after some time he will see that it is like doing it at home and in his mind he will think i had fun doing it with mommy maybe this will be fun to.

Answer 10

Not ALL of us want to be in front of an audience...............
If he's scared - he's scared! Just let the teacher know and she can get someone else to do it.