what age should you make kids start picking after themselves?

Question

When my husband's 4 yo daughter comes to visit (about once a month for 3-5 days, will be much longer this summer), the house ends up looking like a tornado hit. We have just been letting it go for a few days during her visit and cleaning everything after she leaves. What age is appropriate to make the kids start cleaning up their own toys? I'm starting to get a little concerned that if we continue to do this for her too long, that it will be too hard to change later on & lead to her taking advantage on other things as she gets older. Also, I don't want to live in a warzone of a house for a month this summer. I know kids are messy, etc but when/how do we teach them to start doing these sorts of things for themselves? I have no kids of my own & I'm still trying to find my place in all this (I'm sure other step parents will understand...) Other than DH's kids, I haven't been around kids much so I'm still very unsure of what I'm doing or should be doing

Answer 1

NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT!!! I would start that 4-year-old on cleaning up NOW. Make a deal that she can only have 1 thing out at a time and when she's done with that and wants to play with something else she puts the 1st thing away and THEN gets something else out. Sometimes that won't work, though. Seriously what 4 year old only plays with one thing at a time, right? Maybe let it go all morning and then before lunch have her pick up her stuff. Help her. Do it together. This way she won't feel like you are a mean person and it's hard for a little person to clean up all that stuff...it's much easier to get it out than it is to put it away, right? You can make a race out of it or you can help her put it away by making suggestions on what should be put away next. When it's all put away tell her what a good job she's done and maybe have her help you make lunch. Lots of positive reinforcement...make her feel like a big girl :)

After lunch let it go again and then before dinner (or maybe before daddy gets home from work) help her pick up again and again praise her for a good job. Don't do it all for her, make her help, but be there to keep her focused.

You are smart to ask this question, and you are correct in that if you don't start now it will be much harder later on.

Good luck.

Answer 2

It is going to depend on the rule she has at her mother's house but she is more than old enough to pick up after herself somewhat. Do not expect her to leave a room the way she found it, little kids sometimes can't even see half of the toys on the floor, their brains just filter them out. But setting a timer and picking up the room with her (15 minutes or less) two or three times a day will keep the disaster under control. I have two boys (4 and 2) and our house has that tornado feel after they have been awake for just 20 minutes. Its best for the kids to be able to get their toys all over while they are playing (kids need that space to develop spacial skills and other knowledge of physics) but before meals and before bed we have a 15 minute clean-up session. Keep it light, I usually sing (there are lots of clean up songs or just make one up) and we just keep moving. You will have to point out toys and help her keep going but it will be worth it. The most important part, praise her heavily when you are done. Help her feel pride for the job she did ("Greta, look at how nice we made the living room look! We did so great! Thank you so much for picking up, it looks awesome in here!"). That sense of pride translates into self-esteem and a little person more willing to help. Being a step-parent can be tricky, its best to keep things positive, find the good things she does and ignore the bad ones. If you must address an issue, have Dad do it. Kids are very messy, your house will not look "normal" while she is there, there will always be something somewhere but she can help contain the chaos.

Answer 3

My daughter is 1 and I already have her help while I'm picking up her toys. I try to make it fun and give lots of encouragement. You'll have to do the same with a 4 year old that isn't used to picking up. Also plan a fun activity or reward for when you're done (ie, we can't watch the movie/play outside/eat a snack until we clean up the living room. Let's see how fast we can get it done! Sometimes a timer or stopwatch adds fun and motivation too) Just make sure you're not the one doing all the work - she has to help too. Also make sure you follow through - if she doesn't help then she really doesn't get to do the fun thing. Gradually make it her job to pick up the toys, it sometimes helps if you say that you'll be doing a grown up job (like laundry or dishes) while she does her job, and when you're both done, then you can do the fun thing.
It's a lot of effort at first, but it's well worth it in the long run.

Answer 4

I taught my kids from the time they were old enough to pull the toys out to put them away! It was like, OK guys it's almost time for dinner, lets put the toys away and wash up! Why would you do it any different? They need to know from the get go, that certain things are expected of them, they have to clean up their own mess, that I am not their maid, a family is a team and we all have to do our share! At 4 she is late in learning these things!! This is YOUR home we're talking about and YOU set the rules in your home. Have a talk with her as soon as she gets to your house and fill her in on what you expect of her and go from there! Stand your ground, and you'll be fine! Hope you have a very nice summer with her!

Answer 5

As soon as they can walk! You are correct.....waiting until age 4 is a problem. But it's never too late to get started. Make a little game out of it at the beginning - tell her you're going to hide your eyes and count to 20, and see how many toys she can put away while you are counting. If she puts away a certain number (let's say five), she gets a sticker. Or, help her put them away, and have a little contest to see who puts away the most (of course, you should be working slowly and "let" her win!). Do make sure that she has places to put everything easily, like a toy chest and some bins. That will help to keep clutter down to a minimum.

Answer 6

I started mine cleaning up for them selves when they started walking.............since this is a bonus child ( a child from another woman/man) start it now in little steps and set up a reward system for her to show progress and how proud you are of her. Maybe something like a star calendar. Put a pretty star in the box when w=she does a chore. Maybe at the end of the week you can do an ice cream treat for a grand reward.
It won't be easy but it will get better in time. Have patience and remember this is all new to her too. But I have say, in my opinion that it would be even worse if you don't do this all time and backslide. Don't do it for her even when it would be easier to do so. She will leave it for you as she gets older and not respect the rules of your home or you. I speak from experience...........I have 3 bonus children and all are teenagers now........I've been down this road.

Best of luck!

Answer 7

I have lots of experience with this.
I make picking up toys a fun game, we sing, we work together, I make sure there is a bin or box without a lid so we can just toss the toys in without a lot of sorting, If its a game, we use it and put it away, no more than one game or box of Legos out at a time. I ask for help from a four year old, they like to help. You are right to have her clean up and for the right reasons too, if you wait too long they get contrary and don't want to do whatever it is you want them to.
It won't be perfect, but keep it positive, be lavish with praise, look happy at their accomplishment.
They also like rules, so if she asks why you make her pick up when her mom or dad doesn't, you just say "its the rules".
You have excellent instincts so go with them.

Answer 8

I know it can be difficult to tell someone else's kids to do. But you are the step-mother so you do have every right to ask her to clean up. My son is 2 years old and he has been cleaning his room up every night before bed time since he was about 1.5 it's a good habit to form. She also probably has to clean up at her mom's house but feels when she goes to visit her dad she can do whatever she wants. Kind of like when kids visit grandparents, they can get away with murder since they are not there 24/7. Just tell her that she needs to clean up her toys before bed time or when she wakes up they won't be there any more. My dad did that to me, he locked all of my toys that I didn't clean up in his office and I couldn't play with anything. I think I was 4 or 5 then. Well, good luck!

Answer 9

I started when the children were two. At that age, they can understand consequences and should start cleaning up after themselves. Start the process with a game of who can pick up more toys with a treat for the winner. Continue until it becomes a habit. At four, the child should be able to pick up the toys alone with a thank you after the job is completed.

Answer 10

Start as soon as possible. My son was cleaning his own room at three. You should start the habit early and model the process for the youngster. Begin by helping the child clean-up until the child understands the concept (if really young.) You could also make a game out of it so it doesn't seem like work.