I thought when you got married it was okay to have interests of your own and then interests you both have together. If so, then why am I my husband's only interest? Is it normal to do absolutely everything together all the time?
2007-05-08 04:56:30 · 17 answers · asked by Kastenfrosch 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You will need your own space after you get married. You are two separate people before the marriage and continue to be two separate people after the marriage. You both need activities of your own, and activities you will do together. You might like to find a hobby that's interesting for you both - and would involve other people. Some couples do everything together all the time, but it's not good in the long run and will lead to problems so it's better fix things early.
2007-05-08 05:04:22 · answer #1 · answered by rosaria 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal to need and want your own space. It is true that some relationships are very enmeshed and folks DO spend all their time together... but that is not the "norm". Rainer Maria Rilke had an insightful take on "space" in a marriage. He said,
"The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky. "
(Translated from the German by Stephen Mitchell)
Be gentle and re-assuring with your spouse, letting him know that wanting you each to have your own "space" doesn't mean you don't love him or want to spend time with him - or that you're trying to pull away. It's just part of supporting one another in being the best person you each can be. This will, in turn, help your marriage to be a better one, too.
2007-05-08 05:10:42 · answer #2 · answered by bumsteadowl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course it is, and it is your right as well...you're still a human being, yes? However, I have seen, more often than comfortable, that one partner becomes obsessed with the other.
If you find along the way that you don't see your friends that much, and your hubby has little comments to make of them that are not very nice, and his friend list is nill at best...if he begins to take days off of work when you do, or loses jobs because "he needs time off" and you're a homebody...if , when you go shopping, he feels the need to constantly get your attention on clothing he chooses for you...if your car needs work for long stretches of time while his is done immediately...if the next home you two look for is a beautiful chalet in the middle of the woods, and far from your relatives & friends...all I can say is run...very fast...in the other direction & don't look back until this person gets help, or you are going to end up very frustrated, very confined, and in misery...noone is worth this.
You always had, and still do have, your "personal space", but it is something that only YOU can maintain...no crossing the boundaries, no matter what, by anyone...it's the part of you that also maintains this as YOUR life, as well. Blessed Be!
2007-05-08 05:26:04 · answer #3 · answered by MsET 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Freedom with respect is the meaning of life and since marriage is the extension of life between two lovers then space is an important part in it.
Many mistake freedom and space with bordom .. no and never! They are just refreshig sweet air to renew the first sight, the first kiss and the first decision where you both go for saying yes, I agree to have you in my life sharing both the good and the bad.
2007-05-08 05:02:51 · answer #4 · answered by Sara007 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My hubby and I have been married 20 years and we still do almost everything together. He is a very devoted husband and father to our child. We like doing stuff together since we're best buds, but I guess it's up to each couple. If you enjoy it as well, it's great. If not, you'd better talk to him about it, otherwise, you'll get resentful and feel stiffled.
2007-05-08 05:04:31 · answer #5 · answered by Terry Ann 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We are entitled to our own space before and during marriages. We should like to be alone so when we are together again we have something new to talk about.
2007-05-08 04:59:48 · answer #6 · answered by dansgagirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love this man enough to marry him and vowed to spend the rest of your life with him it shouldn't bother you that he has so much interest in you. it is perfectly normal to have some"me' time as well. everyone needs me time. even married people. are you newly weds? if so maybe this is his beliefs on what a marriage should be. talk to him and tell him how you feel.
2007-05-08 05:04:47 · answer #7 · answered by tigercub1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say yes! Definitely! Everyone needs a little space here and there!
I find that when i take some time for myself, i appreciate my man more.
2007-05-08 05:05:57 · answer #8 · answered by E 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that not only is it normal but necessary, when you are with someone day in and day out you will eventually need a break, you just have to try and make your significant other understand that you just need some time to yourself occassionaly.
2007-05-08 05:04:01 · answer #9 · answered by reed7403 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to want your own space, but perhaps he's just going through a phase where he's just happy to be with you. It'll wear off probably, so just enjoy it until it does ;)
2007-05-08 05:00:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋